Sunday, March 29, 2009

[[imaginary?]]
Time:9:02am
mood:painnn.
listening to: the climb;miley cyrus [shut up.]

Time keeps rolling past faster then I can keep track of it.

So I had an interesting weekend at the least. I don't know if interesting is the right word but i'm going to use it anyways. I feel like i'm 100 because I don't think theres a part of my body that doens't hurt, but that's beside all of the points.

This is random but SlipN'Slides are the stupidest things in the world, because do you actually think you're going to wake up the next day and not feel like shit after you just got done throwing your self on the ground? Haha summer memories are funny.

Someone, please push me to make my drivers test. I'm to much of a pussy.

I'm trying though, to be what I'm supposed to be.

Poetry/Ramble time now?
--

hotel rooms remind you of who you used to be,
well at least that's the way it's always been for me.
i can see it in the reflection of the windows
the windows where i can see the road that takes me back home.
and if i turn around i can take it back to you, darling.
i'm half almost thinking that i'm in so much pain,
because theres a bible in the bedside drawyer.
If I get through the entire day without thinking of you,
it'd be nothing short of a personal miracle.
and i'm sorry, believe me I am.
'ask me when i'm sober.'
honey, i just can't wrack up the nerve.
don't know where i got it from last night,
i really really don't.
the entire left side of my body,
it's like the result of a war battle.
as if to remind me,
that i never could, can't, and never will be able to achieve perfection.
the only time things where close to perfect
was when i called you mine.
i think though, that i'm the only living soul that remembers that.
the people, they blur when you're on the other end of my mind.
i'm not quite sure what any of this means,
besides the fact that i'm once again right back where i started from.
it's like you never left me.
i've just been gone, gone for such a long time.
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Thursday, March 26, 2009

[[change will come, oh change will come. ]]
Time:3:45pm
Mood: thoughtful.
Listening to: (Coffee's For Closers);Fall Out Boy

So, yeah I guess I've really died out on MyOtaku these days even though I say that I don't want to let it die. I just, I guess I don't really have much to say now a days, nothing that's really of importance or the things that I do have to say just make me sound stupid. Haha.

I've been thinking a lot lately though, about everything. Life I suppose in general and I blame this mostly on going back on my old site and looking through my archives. I'm not a kid anymore, I mean.. I remember when being 16 was such a big deal to me and now i am. This is my life now, things changed like I wanted them too, and I got through all those things that I never thought I'd be able to do.

I guess you can only really understand if you knew me back then like Cassie and Megan did and how they where there for me through out all the bullshit that happaned to me almost two years ago. Even all of you guys that knew me back then.

I mean everythings changed now. I have a better life even if it doesn't include my dad.. Things are just so different now, so.. good. I feel bad saying that but it's the truth.

I need to grow up, and I've known that but I guess now i'm just realizing that I need to act on it. I have to schedule my drivers test tomorrow, because my moms taking days at work which means i'll have to drive my sister and myself to school. I'm nervous yeah, but honestly I really just need to have more confidence in my self. I need to realize that I don't always fail at the things I do. If I work hard I can make it through anything, as I've done before. I'm not a kid anymore no matter what I tell myself.

It almost makes me sad seeing everyone on myotaku grow up. Cuz' I mean, you guys are my family, no matter what. This is the stable family that I've always had when nothing else in my life was stable. I guess this is me being greatful in the novel form.

I have two years of highschool left, that thought kind of scares me. Just slightly, but I know that it'll be okay. I don't know what I'll do but I know that it'll all be okay.

On another note, I started talking to Lauren again. Some of you may remember her, or maybe you don't. We're practically together again, but I don't want to nor can I call us a couple mostly because I know it can't be that way and mostly because I just don't want things to be that way again. I know that I can screw things up without trying but just by being who I am, and I just don't want to do that anymore, and I'm okay with that. I love her, theres no denying that, but I've known that for the past four years that I've known her. But I just don't want to screw things up again.

On another note, I practically broke two phones in the past two weeks but besides that I have a new phone now, it's nice but i'm thinking about getting the one that I want when it comes into stores. I don't know, but text me if you want. I'm also going out of town this weekend to see my uncle in the hospital because he had a heart attack last weekend and they don't really know if he's going to make it. I don't know how my grandma's going to handle another death, but I think she'll be okay I guess that I just hope she'll be okay.

I don't know how many people are going to read this, and I really don't blame you if you don't but if you do, thanks.

And so the world continues to turn.

How have you guys been?

~Jenny
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Sunday, March 22, 2009

in this devil town
I know he`s living in hell every single day
And so i ask oh god is there some way for me to take his place.

i wish. oh god i wish.

--

mcdonalds at midnight with the city kids from cashton=epic win.

i miss lauren so bad.

oh well.

-jenny
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Saturday, March 21, 2009

You should never be embarrased by your trouble with living.
besides being so utterly confused...
i'm a happy person at the moment.

myotaku is dying on me. I don't feel like ever posting.

ever fall in love with two people but in your mind you think of them as one?

Im a fucked up fucking human being.

that is all.

later~

ps. sorry i fell asleep last night cassie.
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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

tuesday D:
so i'm pretty much pissed the fuck off at my aunt right now, even if i didn't want to go anyways.

i'm also fucking cold. i'm sticking my hands in my hair straightener to keep warm. hahaha.

I don't know if I really expect to much out of this, because besides the past is the past. It's like I can't let go of that though, I've never been able to let go of her.

I kinda feel bad because I was a royal bitch to Jordan last night, but it's whatever.

WHY THE FUCK AM I SO COLD?

Oh, happy saint patricks today.
go buy patrick stumph a hat today plz.
or request pete and patrick sex at your local radio stationn.
plz and thx u.

kay, i'm gunna go freeze to death now.

later~
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Monday, March 16, 2009

monday D:
bahahaha. :333

dum de dum.. puppyyy~

JAZZ HANDS!

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Sunday, March 15, 2009

I hate myself for losing you.
yeah, so i guess i'll post. even though i see no point to it.

i ran into krissy yesterday, lol total accident too, but it's the second time that that's happaned. But we roamed around target and talked and it was fun. :] I miss her, so it was good to see her again.

We also both picked up the Live in Chicago Panic at the disco cd/dvd. Which is amazing.

I've had a three day weekend, actually. It seems though that it went fast as usual. Back to hell tomorrow.

I have contest tomorrow night... I'm super nervous because that's just the way I am. I have this horrible feeling that I'm going to screw something up. I think though that if i concentrate enough i'll make it. -siiiigh-

I bought a red tie yesterday :3

I also have a thing for plaid D: don't make fun of meee.

okay, i'm going to go watch tv.

laters~
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Monday, March 9, 2009

this midwest town is gunna miss you.

"Ill love you forever too. I always gravitate towards you all the time.

I love you. Dont forget."

Uh-oh.
look who jumped back into the picture..
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Sunday, March 8, 2009

I don't really want to look down, but i know what i'm looking up at.
87 days.

Time.. god, it just really needs to hurry up, I can't really take anymore of winter, or school.. or jordan for that matter.

Ever feel like you're never ever going to get over someone? And you're stuck with those feelings for that person for the rest of your life? Yeah, that's me.

I don't even look at anyone else anymore, because I feel like i'm being unfair to her.

I'm fucked. Oh well.

I think I have things to do today.

How are you?

-jenny
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Saturday, March 7, 2009

Did you think that you where dreaming? I said no, Did you think that you where dreaming? I said sometimes, I don't know.
Bleh, I hate march already.

This is probably not what any of you care about, but i haven't had my period since like... october but i finally got the mother fucker.. I mean yeah, I shouldn't complain since I don't get it that often but.. ugh I just hate being a girl. I suppose though, this explains why i've been so emotional lately. Just glad it's the weekend I guess.

I got my mid-quarter report card, and i'm getting A's and B+'s except i'm getting one C in my math class... but i hate math T_T It's so hard. Gotta get that up though so I can make the B honor role again... My physics grade really surprised me because i thought I did horrible, I am doing horrible. I hate physics or anything that includes science. I have a feeling though that my Physics grade will probably go down.. Oh well, at least I can get my math one up somehow.

I beat Fall Out Boy trail yesterday.

and then i ate a salad. Overall it was a good day, despite the fact that i'm so paranoid about the way Jordan thinks of me that I can't even act normal around her, yeah. It was a normal day.

I dreamed that my teeth fell out... I have those dreams a lot, mostly probably because I have a fear of losing my teeth... Or it might have something to do with the fact that I brushed my teeth in the shower last night... Hm.

I think we're going somewhere today... not sure, but if this stomach ache keeps up i don't think i'm going anywhere... ;__;

alriiight, i'm gunna go brush my teeth and take some more ibuprofen.. even though I already toke six. D:

ily guys.

~Jenneh
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