Sunday, February 1, 2009

And these sleeves hides scars better then i could ever do.
Soundtrack to this wasted year.

Mhm, that practically sums it up.

So, yesterday I did end up going to Lacrosse and I ended up going to get my hair cut and went to the mall and didn't end up buying anything but neon handwarmers. lol. my hair is epic shortness now.

I ended something that never really started today.

I'm going to picture spam in a minute.

I find that I can't think about the time I saw AFI with nikky because it makes me unbearably sad.

Oh, I also seen Ryan Hill at walmart. Yeah, he's an elvis impersanator. or whatever and he was dressed up like elvis and he looked...pretty damn hot. He stood and talked with me for a good 20 minutes, and hugged me. it was weird... and even worse considering the dream i had about him. Annnd, apparantly his girlfriend may be cheating on him... Hmmm.

No, Jenny's not going there.

I am a person who can not write poetry when ordered to do so.

I think i'm tired, but i don't really know the difference.

this is mainly for cassie's entertainment.













-end picture spam-

yes, i did make cassie a sign. Just because I'm cool like that.

okay, im gunna go die/sleep/fall asleep listening to cassies voice now.

1. do you like afi?
2. which came first? the chicken? the egg? or the camel with 1 hump?
3. wouldn't it make more sense if it was MNM's instead of M&M's? Go on, say it. MNM's sound's better, and is what we usually end up saying because of speach slurs.

I'm weird.

-jenny

time:2:32am
music:the missing frame;afi
mood:tired
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Saturday, January 31, 2009

daylight burns your sleepy eyes,
I don't think I really can bare to listen to this CD. Yet I am. Hm.

This week seemed to go a bit fast for me, I'm not exactly sure why though because it seemed to be really dull and there weren't many highlights. Just a few tests and a bunch of study guides. We're learning about the Salem Witch Trials in History, which I find to be very interesting so I suppose that's good.

My female cousin, who some of you may remember because she lived with me and I talked about her a bit a while ago, but she might have cancer. Yeah, my 17 year old cousin. It has something to do with her throat and her lymph nodes. They're not quite sure yet, so they gave her some antibiotics, and if it doesn't go away in a week... then they'll start doing biopsies and stuff i guess. I'm not sure. My moms worried about her. The thing that bugs me is that my cousins mom, who is my aunt somehow, doesn't really even act like she gives a shit. She always treats her like shit, when she does more for that family then her lazy ass brother does. It just upsets me, you know? Because I mean.. she could die. and I don't need that right now... Hopefully she'll be okay.

Reading Fight Club still, and still kind of creeped out. It's good though.

Couldn't get my report card because I apparantly owe a registration fee. All I know is i'm getting an A- in English and that's really all that mattters to me, all though it would be nice to know. Fuck you Cashton High School and you're stupid ass fees.

Going to LaCrosse (or LaCrotch as my spanish teacher calls it) today.

Writing something for Cassie that's been eating my brain.

Oh, I also give up on trying to get over it because that bastard always shows up in my dreams and makes me realize how much I love her. -_- Oh well.

I'm done now.

1. What time is it?
2. Do you like socks?
3. Isn't silly string funnnn?

-jenny

time:10:57am
music:black ballooon;goo goo dolls
mood:okay
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Tuesday, January 27, 2009

this is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.
So, about that history test... I actually was surprised to find out this morning that i got a 14 out of 16. Now either my history teacher really likes me, or i'm just good at bullshitting answers. Watched a sciene movie in physics and fell asleep all hour. still playing badminton in gym, i've come to really like my only friend in the class, chuck. he's a really nice guy. probably the nicest one in my school. I love my study hall and all but there are about five assholes in that class that i'd just like to punch in the face, but oh well i can deal with it, i'm just happy to have a study hall. OH, we're also doing a unit on poetry in language arts so i'm pretty thrilled about that.. i love poetry.

I actually think that something might be up with my gym class and i might actually have a study hall every other day third hour but i'm not sure... I need to talk to the school counselor about that. Hm.. speaking of that, this girl Courtney who goes to my school is coming back tomorrow after she's been gone for a good...4 months? I guess she was sent off to some place because she slit her wrists and went crazy. Can't say i blame her.. people are always mean to her, but she's a compulsive liar so i don't really want to start a friendship with her.

I called Cassie at lunch and i'm now positive that everyone thinks I either have a boyfriend or a girlfriend that i talk to on the phone at lunch. xD

Ha-Ha. Irony.

It's kind of weird, but Jon sort of made me feel better the other day. [haha cassie]

My math class is out of control, and i'm pretty much positive that when our original teacher comes back we're all gunna get our asses kicked. Oh well it entertains me. math class=time to talk about porn. My spanish teacher likez mudkipz. My spanish teacher also hates webkinz [?] anddd, he lost my flash cards D:

since my posts are boring and stupid and filled full of useful facts, here's some questions.

1. sick of winter yet?
2. whats your favorite month?
3. if you could be any celebrity in the world [and it has to be your gender.] who would you be?

-jenny

time:3:57pm
music:second chance; shinedown
mood:okay
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Sunday, January 25, 2009

may i say i loved you more?
So.

Sundays officially suck ass. D:

and it's 1:41 in the morning and i'm talking to cassie about slow motion running.

went to taxes places and my mom got her taxes done.. the taxes lady aparantly thought i looked depressed. i kinda heart that taxes lady.

went to the mall and seen a bunch of hot guys... andddd... this amazing rainbow belt that i wanted.
:[ oh well.

I got two books. I actually found this series that i had read about three years ago and got the ninth book, and i also got the book Fight Club by Chuck P....whatever, because cassie's been wanting me to read it so i found it. lolz.





cassie sees anime shirts in japan that one time she went to japan.

white papers are meant to hide porn

i can't believe im going to an fall out boy concert with my mother and sister.
lolz yay.

yugioh ftw.
yugixyami= my otp.

i'm a bad otaku.

your mom smells like pancakes.

BACONNNNNNNN.

AMAZING CYBER SEX?

lmao. kk.

-jenny
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Friday, January 23, 2009

and i'll remember you as you are right now to me.
Hmm.

I got an A+ on my spanish test/midterm.
my personal finance class is finally over.
2nd Semester starts monday.
I started my own comic.
i started reading a book yesterday called bootcamp,
it's sick and twisted, but i can't put it down.
I'm really getting sick of badminton.
Mario Kart is only so entertaining until you start beating...everyone.
Folie a Deux is like... my drug.
Cassie and I are going to get the lyrics "Forever A Lake Effect Kid" tattoed, because you know.
we're both lake effect kids.
cassie and i are the equivalent of a very religious gay couple.
i want summer so bad.. it hurts.
i want to read more of that book but i don't want to finish it yet..
wendsday was national hug day.
somehow yesterday got made into cashton spank day.
joe moans when he can't listen to slipknot.
i will go to the fall out boy concert if i have to die to do it..
unless you know.. my mom says i can't see cassie if i go to the concert...
even though i doubt she will.
cassie > fall out boy.
my heart is the worst kind of weapon.
i think i broke my writers block...
it's about time.
i think the cab should come to warped tour. liek fer cereal.
i need a jobbbb. D:
essays can fuck themselves.
kraft macaroni and cheese is disgusting.
jordan gave me nipples D:<





1. Is it cruel to keep a dog in a cage or tied up most of the time?
depends on the dog.

2. About what things are you most selfish?
i don't know..
love i suppose.


3. Do you have a dream that repeats again and again? What is it?
yes. but i haven't had that dream in a very long time.


4. What makes you feel secure and safe?
would it be weird if i said my grandma?


5. Are you able to keep secrets? Is it hard for you?
I can keep secrets from practically anyone....except Cassie. lol. Cassie gets to know everything.


6. Is there anything you constantly worry about?
Mhm.
I worry over the stupidest things sometimes too.


7. What makes you feel important?
When someone says they need me.
that's really the only thing in life that makes me feel important.


8. Why do you feel that you are trustworthy?
because i am? I've never really broken anyones trust.


9. Are there any rituals you do everyday? What are they?
breathe?


10. What makes life worth living?
Hoping that there is something worth living for.
and knowing that my summers get to be amazing. lol.
and besides. i'm not gunna die before i get to meet all the people i've met on here.


11. Are you camera shy? Why/why not?
Yes. unless i'm taking my own pictures.
no one seems to be able to understand that though.


12. Do you/would you allow your pet on your bed? Even if they shed?
Doesn't matter if i did or not.
there's two cats on my bed right now.


13. Do you fear looking older? Why/why not?
I really don't care. When I get old enough I won't care what I look like.
^ I agree with m00g.


14. Live to eat or eat to live?
....eat to live. wtf.


15. Do you have any allergies? If yes, what are they?
yes. i'm not saying.


16. Have you ever been hospitalized? If yes, what for?
not for anything serious. and never over night.


17. Have you ever traveled out of the country? Where/why not?
yes. canada.


18. What do you think about pornography?
better then sex.
and no risk of std. 8D


yes i am openly admiting my porn addiction.
jk maybe.


19. How do you feel about people who wear (real) fur coats?
i don't give a flying fuckkk.


20. Do you believe that most people are trustworthy and honest?
No. Not all people.


21. Do you believe in ghosts, angels or aliens?
I believe in angels. But in a weird way that i'm not going to get into now.


22. Were you ever teased when you were younger? (How did that make you feel?)
Psh. Of course. Every fucking day of my life in middle school.
I was the fat kid, who didn't wear name brand clothes and name brand shoes and listened to the wrong music.
it shouldn't have affected me as much as it did, but i'm pretty sure it's most of the reason why my self esteem is such shit.


23. What are your top five goals for your lifetime?
1. Get over it.
2. Move on.
3. Get a job that i'll actually enjoy.
4. See my mom be happy again.
5. Live to see the day where things are actually okay.


24. Are you ever able to fall asleep with the lights/TV/radio on?
lights... only if im dead tired.
i can barely fall asleep with the tv on but i did it an awful lot when cassie was here. haha.
i can fall asleep with the radio on, or ipod until some screamo song comes on and is like
RAWRWOEIJSDGOINIJWIOGJSDGIJIOWJRGIOASGKJSSIOGKJ WAHHHHHHH HA.


25. What color is your toothbrush? Did you get to pick the color?
clear and green.. yes.


26. What chore do you detest the most? Why?
I kinda like chores megan >_>
cleaning animal puke/poop...
ew.


27. Do you think you read too much or too little?
To much when i do read.
i'm like RAWR -PICKS UP BOOK-
aioerjagio.
-FINISHES-

27. What role does art play in your life?
A big role?


28. What are your three favorite board/card games?
wtf is risk? jfc.
skipbo. speed. annnnndddd.... zomg checkers.


29. What crazy thing have you done in the name of "love," if any?
lol.
lets not talk about that.


30. Do you like it when friends are comfortable with dropping by unexpectedly?
sort of.
it annoys me sometimes.


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Sunday, January 18, 2009

maybe then she'd have thought it threw..
Oh woe is I.
While the rest of the majority of the world has tomorrow off.
I get to go back to my racist school and suffer threw the insanity of so said gifted teenagers.
yeah, joy to the world.
oh well.
wouldn't expect another meaningful post from me until friday.

-jenny
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Saturday, January 17, 2009

i don't know if i've ever been good enough.
01. What are your nicknames?
Jenny, Jenniez, Jen. eh. Someone used to call me J.Z but he's long gone now.

02. How do you style your hair?
it's called the I look like shit style. lol.

03. What's new in your life right now?
being able to exsist around her and being able to actually breath. yet i'm still so attached.

04. How many colors are you wearing now?
a shit load. this is the one shirt i have that has a shit load of colors.

05. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
depends on who's around me.

06. What was the last book you read?
To Kill A Mocking Bird.

07. Do you nap a lot?
No. I don't remember the last time I took a nap. My days are already to short as it is. I love sleep but it's a waste of time.

08. If the person you secretly like is already taken, what would you do?
I wouldnt stop anything i'm doing besides, even if she wasn't taken, which she isn't, she wouldn't want me. We've already determined that, and i'm growing to except that.
kind of.
not really.
but whatever.

09. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Not really
I've actually been pretty happy lately.
but i dreamed about my dad last night and it makes me feel weird...
i guess i miss him.

10. What's your favorite dessert?
uhm...CHEESE CAKE PLZ.

11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
Mmmm. 45 minutes if i really care.

12. What websites do you visit daily?
Myspace, Facebook, Myotaku, Blogger,

13. Do you write fic? What was the last fic you wrote?
Lol.....

14. Do you like to clean?
Yesss.

15. What's the last song that got stuck in your head?
Push. By Matchbox 20

16. What's the last movie you saw?
I watched Signs last night. Then Lost Boys but fell asleep during.

17. Would you enter a relationship with your ideal partner, even if you knew he/she was seriously involved with/married to someone else and would never leave them?
Lol this reminds me of the crazy ryan story for some reason. Yes, I would. If she wanted me I'd do it because I'm selfish like that and want to know what i've been missing all along.
i'm so optimistic.

18. What is your least favorite thing to do that you have to do everyday?
Hmmm.... Homework probably? haha. I still need to do that essay....




lol, don't bother reading this. kthx.

give you no more power then what you already have.
breathing is becoming easier.
but that doesn't mean i'll stop holding on.
and if holding on is the key to giving in
then im all aboard to set flight
on a one way trip
to the back of my mind.
and if your falling in love
does that mean i'm falling apart?
because the scars on my wrists
they just really don't seem to exsist
when i'm not crying over you
i'm laughing over how pathetic my life is.
brought in the new year with a not so energetic bang
cuz' when i looked into your eyes
i saw exactly what i've always seen
nothing that lies hope for you and me.
i want i love you to mean something
to more then just me.
so carry on baby blues,
crimson red catches you so much better anyways.
and i'm hoping you're not hoping that forever is with you and him.
because i hate to be the bearer of bad news.
but i'm all over you.
just not so literally
barely holding on.
and i'm not willing enough to let my self believe your dead.
because desire burns deep inside you,
that's something i can't leave unsaid.
and i'm willing to be incoherent
if it means i make you think,
because once upon a time this all was really about you.
but once upon a time
is just the story of my life
because i've never really had my chance to give my self the time.
so forgive me when i'm broken
it's my current state of being
because belonging never felt so right
then when it's cradled in your arms.
get it? because i don't.
and i'm hoping she can't read me
because i'm trying so very hard.
his hands can snake up your body as much as they may like.
and i know just how desperate you and i are.
just not desperate enough to give into the one person
who would give you it all.
sheltered..
sheltered from me,
that's definatley what you need to be.
i claim it as my own
every once in a while.
land i've already roamed
in the back pictures of my mind.
so give it up for once,
cuz' maybe just maybe
i really do know it all.
and i'm not willing to be nice
if you're not willing to be my lie.
because my life has never been
such a self centered lie.
forever i've been building this up
and you tear me down like a meteor
straight to my core.
how protective i can be,
well i've already let the damage happen so i guess it's time i let you go.
you can fend for you own.
after all.
nothings better then a damaged soul.


time:11:43am
music:with me;sum 41
mood:headache :/
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Thursday, January 15, 2009

truth be told i miss you, and truth be told i'm lying.
I hate winter, but then it brings me the lovely days where we have no school because it's -50 outside... and i mean it's not that big of a deal to me because i only live about 3 minutes from school by car... but thankfully it's a big deal to a lot of other people because it was canceled. :] thank you mother nature, or whomever the fuck controls the weather.

i never gave a damn about the weather.

i'm an epic fail for posting during the week because i never have time to post at a decent time of the day. and now i'm just trying to think of what exciting happaned this week..

Cassie texted me practically all monday through out school while she went to her college classes. i don't know if i ever mentioned it but we started playing badminton in gym, which is kinda fun i suppose but we're doing a tournament and i'm paired up with this asshole who thinks he can just control the entire game... ah, whatever. we're losing thanks to him.

tuesday i spent a gigantic amount of time with jordan and gabe after school at central which has become our hangout since its to cold to walk around outside anymore. but we talked a lot and i like gabe because he's the kind of guy you can tell things to and he won't go spreading it around the school like wild fire. I learned a lot about him and he probably learned to much about me... I'd say I learned somethings about jordan but i know practically everything about her so there was nothing new there. We ended up playing this game called the nervous game... which is a perverted game really.. and i'd rather not explain it but he ended up feeling up jordan and i. Haha, and it wasn't even awkward the next day. I really am a whore. Annnd, I also ended up somehow having to explain lesbian sex to jordan because she's to sheltered from the cruel world. haha.

i think i'm slowly getting over it though.. I think.

and then yesterday, i stayed at central for a while with jordan and my two friends Colleen and Sonia, and we where singing really loud and got a shit ton of compliments from random people which i don't know if we where supposed to take those seriously or not. XD It was fun though.

for the record i can beat jordan in arm wrestling.

but gabe can kick my ass. lolz.

Theres a new girl working with my mom at work and shes probably in her late 20's and she annoys me like no other.. she's always asking me why i don't drive yet and why i don't get my drivers license and butts into conversations when i'm talking to my mom and i'm just going to end up punching her in the face one of these days... my life is none of her fucking buisness.

Yeah, that's just about as exciting as my life gets.

How are you guys?

-jenny

time:9:46am
music:coldplay;fix you
mood:okay.
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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

psh.
oh silly little myotaku peoples.
:]
ha. ha.

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Saturday, January 10, 2009

you lost your self esteem along the wayy.
Thank god for weekends... I can't seem to find anytime to post anything of importance on weekdays when i have school. I feel like my days go extremely fast when i have school yet it seems like this month is going to never end all though i feel like it's been january for the longest time now.. Oh well. So lets see.

I now know way more then i've ever wanted to know about Christopher Columbus.

For a minute there I got lost in my own time frame.

I am practically still laughing from the time Miranda fell down in choir class... and the fact that it was like an act of god.

There should just be one triangle in the world. THE TRIANGLE. fuck you types of triangles. my math grade is like wooo, im gunna be supah bad at the end of the semester!

Am i a bad person for kind of lying to get my english grade up to an A-? wasn't my fault... I actually did have the assignment done.. besiiidesss, english is my best class!

mi persona menos favorita es yo mismo.
mi heroe es quien jamas me puede guardar de yo mismo

:]

sometimes i hate my spanish class.

the people here suck, really. it's starting to piss me off the epic amount of fail that results in this town. i'm just sick of it.

I wish i lived with cassie or megan.. or both would be even better.

I wish she wouldn't tell me about her little adventures when i'm not around because i really don't want to know about all the guys who lusted over her. I know she thinks i don't have feelings but in the end i really am some sort of human... Oh well. I'm so sick of crying over her.

blahblahblah. k, gunna go have seckz with megan now.

time:10:01am
music:Without You;Hinder
mood:okay.

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