Thursday, January 8, 2009

:3
lol.
lets not all get bent up over my emotions here.
it's cool.




i'm in a real weird mood today. lolz.

time:6:40pm
music:Make Damn Sure;Taking Back Sunday
mood:lol,idon'tknow.
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Tuesday, January 6, 2009

here comes the pain.
She shouldn't be allowed to wear what she wore today. and it shouldn't be allowed to make me feel the way it does.

fuckk, it's not love. It's fucking lust.

ENTERTAINMENT.

50 Questions You've Probably Never Been Asked!

Are you ready?: Sure
First thing you wash in the shower?: My hair. It's weird, but if i don't do that first i freeze my ass off no matter how hot the water is. YAY FOR AWKWARD FACTS ABOUT ME.
What color is your favorite hoodie?: I don't really have a favorite, i like them when i get them new but then it's just like "eh" but i think my taking back sunday one is the most comfortable one that i own. and + it makes me and megan twins.
Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?: yes. if i could, i'd kiss her all the time. but, i can't.
Do you plan outfits?: sometimes, if i think about it at night.
How are you feeling RIGHT now?: i'm okay actually...
What's the closest red thing to you?: the top on my chapstick.
Do you say Aim or A-I-M?: A-I-M
Tell me about the last dream you remember having?: ....haha, i've already talked about this.
Did you meet anybody new today?: no.
What are you craving right now?: Chinese food dammit.
Do you floss?: no. i know. i'm disgusting. but my mouth is to small for that kind of thing....
What comes to mind when i say cabbage?: jordan. she always says she can smell cabbage.
When was the last time you talked on aim?: hold on...well, megans not on aim so..two days ago or more maybe?
Are you emotional?(Not emo): veryveryveryveryvery emotional.
Would you dance to the taco song?: i don't really dance unless i'm wasted...or alone. so maybe.
Have you ever counted to 1,000?: yes. i do it when i try to fall asleep. but i don't usually get that high.
Do you bite your ice cream or just lick it?: psh, my teeth are so sensitive i could never bite icecream without screaming in pain. lolz.
Do you like your hair?: yeah, but i want it cut soooo bad...and i wanna dye it black again..
Do you like yourself?: no. i really don't.
Have you ever met a celebrity?: yah. COBRA STARSHIP.
Do you like cottage cheese?: yes. but only with salt and pepper.
What are you listening to right now?: Calling All Cars-Senses Fail
How many countries have you visited?: 2
Are your parents strict?: psh, no. i mean i don't get away with much. No piercings in odd places, no tatoos. that kind of shit. but i get away with a lot.
Would you go skydiving?: yessssssss.
Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?: yes, but i'd eat the food really fast and then spit on his face, and then continue to laugh at him like a maniac until i get tackled/shot by his securit guards.
Would you throw potatoes at him?: nah, the whole shoe thing didn't work to well so i'm assuming potatoes won't be any different.
Is there anything sparkly in the room your in?: i suppose?
Have you ever voted for an American Idol?: ...yes...OSIDGJOSIDJGERWIGJDSIJO FUCK THEM FOR KICKING ANTHONY OFF. FUCK THEM.
Have you ever been in a castle?: no?
Do you rent movies often?: not really.
Who sits behind you in your math class?: Josh. and he never fucking shuts upppp.
Have you made a prank phone call?: lolz, yah.
Do you own a gun?: a bb gun.
Can you count backwards from 74?: yes. but i stop and giggle at 69.
Who are you going to be with tonight?: no one. besides my family. ugh. but i'm calling cassie.
Brown or white eggs?: ? I've never had a brown egg.
Do you own something from hot topic?: I got asked today if i shop anywhere else BUT hot topic. And that makes me laugh because half my shit is from Wal-Mart I just get a lot of my shirts at hot topic.
Ever been on a train?: yes at the zoo?
Ever been in love?: i don't know. i think so.
Do you have a cell phone?: yes.
Are you too forgiving?: yeah, but i never really forgive. I just push it to the back of my mind.
Do you use Chop Sticks?: i used to a lot.
What is your best friend doing tomorrow?: i don't know?
Do you use ChapStick?: carmex ftw.
Ever have cream puffs?: yah, i live in wisconsin. duhhh. I don't like them that much though.
Have you seen the Butterfly Effect?: No, but i know i've wanted too.
What was the last question you asked?: LOLOLOL "DID YOU TOUCH IT?"
What was the first CD you ever bought?: Avril Lavigne-Let Go
Boys or Girls?: I'm finding that its much easier for me to get along with boys considering i have no romantic interest in them -_- But, most of my bestfriends are female... i'm okay with everyone just as long as i'm not romantically involved.
What is your bus # for school?: i don't ride the bus.

Take This Survey | Search Surveys | MySpace Surveys
Survey found on Bzoink



time:5:15pm
music:Sic; Slipknot
mood:okay
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Saturday, January 3, 2009

forget regret or life is yours to miss.
151 days seems like a really long ass time. ugh. oh well, i'll have to wait.

School Monday=epic fail.

Bills=epic fail

Me going to college=epic fail

Me getting a job=epic fail

Her ever loving me=epic fail.

A Life time spent alone; Priceless.

[hahhhh, see what i did there??]

I cleaned my room yesterday, I made my closet into what my sister likes to call the "7 minutes in heaven room" I just put my stereo in there and i sit in there when i'm thinking. It has proven to give me great emo writing powers. Go me.

I'm hungry.

Now that i'm getting over her she better not pull some shit like she loves me now and thinks it'd be a great idea for us to get together because i don't think i can handle that. I'm sick of her leading me on and pretending like it's all okay.

She just needs to come out and say it, so then i'll believe it.

I'm better off alone anyways.

I spend an epic amount of time playing mario kart because i take comfort in the fact that there are other people in the world who sit home on a friday night and share company with there gaming system and those people who have wifi.

Ah well.

time:1:16pm
music: Life Support;The Rent Soundtrack
mood: pessimistic

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Friday, January 2, 2009

why do i bother writing the date when it's right up there ^ anyways? what an idiot...
I seriously hardley remember what happaned yesterday. I know i played rockband for a good hour and finally won the flyleaf song that i've been trying to win for however long... then I played Mario Kart for a while too. I can't blame cassie and her horrible language anymore cuz i am no better if not worse.

I cleaned out one side of my closet yesterday and found a lot of my clothes....but i still have no clue where a bunch of my shirts went. ugh. Oh well. I kinda feel like re-organizing my room again... which is bad because I've already done that every way it's possible so i get all mad at my self because theres no other way to do it but i still want too.. UGH.

I need to dye my hair one of these days too... lolz. That reminds me, when I woke up today my eye was hurting like a bitch and it was all red, but then suddenly it went away. It was weird.

I was also up till five in the morning talking to cassie and got up at 11. YAY for 6 hours of sleep.

I want to live in the AD world soo bad, because even though i'm dead at least someone loves me... lmaoo.

I just... sometimes I feel like i've pushed away anyone who ever tried to be something to me because I'm never satisfied with what i have. I long for bigger things, my dreams are far to big for me to even be dreaming about.. Afterall, i'm just a kid.. none of my dreams will ever come true.

*sigh* Oh well, it'll work out somehow.

I want summer to be here so bad.. I want to be with Cassie again, things where good then. ILY CASSEROLE.

That's all i've got.
So heres to day two.

time: 1:03pm
music: Vegas Skies; The Cab
mood: nostalgic.
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Thursday, January 1, 2009

January 1, 2009
Wow, it's weird to write 2009.

Happy fucking new year.-

maybe i'll write more later but for now i'm just to damn dissapointed to say anything else.

I shouldn't expect anything to ever go the way i want it too.

-jenny

--bleh, sorry, I'm such a fucking joy kill. It wasn't what I wanted it to be but it still could have been worse, I think I only felt like shit because I was drunk but now i'm trying to learn to except that I can't make it into something that it's not.

It makes me so sad to say it but I think my new years resoultion is going to be to try and get over her....

I just really doubt it's something i'll be able to accomplish.

This must be it, welcome to the new year.
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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

December 31, 2008
Comment Responses:

Stephy: I like purple text. So all i have to do is wear perfume for you to fall in love with me? that would have been useful to know a long time ago. lol. And thank you for the awkward visual of a dinosaur eating you.... Thank you very much. xD

Casserole: Do not want to marry your brother, kthx. and for the record Rita doesn't have a boyfriend. Which makes me sad because shes so purtty. DO YOU LIKE MY ABOUT ME THING NOW? My dad was amazing, but he also had a lot of bad habits and an anger problem and he never really said anything to anyone and I know that secretly he may have despised me a bit. So in a lot of ways I really am like him.

--

Yesterday was like one of the most boring days of my life, I did practically nothing but sit around and look at postsecret pictures, i've become addicted to them damn things. I even made two of my own. Go me.

Oh yeah, today's the last day of 2008 isn't it? I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. I'm just the same shitty person as I was in 2007. Oh well. Maybe something will change in 2009? Doubt it though. I'm sure i'll still be alone.

Something tells me that today isn't the greatest idea i've ever had and it makes my stomach hurt to think about it. Maybe I'll just forget that promise that I made her make and dissapoint my self in the process in the order of keeping her comfortable. Hm.

I can't believe winter break is almost over. I really don't want to go back to school.

I talked to an old friend for a bit today. It was kind of awkward, and i realized some things about my past now...

OH WELL.

I'm gunna go pass out on my futon now.

time: 1:01am
listening to:Evil Angel;Breaking Benjamin [it'soursong,evenifshedoesn'tbelieveso]
mood: out of my mind.
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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

December 30, 2008
I'm back. I really don't have much to say about my 'trip' spent to much time with relatives and felt bad leaving my grandma alone. found out that my uncle may try to move up here and start his own buisness. realized that if it ever did happen it'd be a pretty big oppritunity for me. And hell, it's ironic considering one of dads first jobs was working with my uncle. I'm my father in so many ways. Just, hope we don't have the same outcome heh?

I went to the mall yesterday. I got a Invader Zim hoodie and some perfume, because that's just the way I am.

Yesterday went so slow, and I don't really know why. Even while I was on the phone it seemed like time was going to slow. I don't know. Maybe Wendsday's not supposed to happen. But I don't think I'll be drinking so why should it matter? Nothings going to happen. Now i'm kind of dissapointed though, because I kind of promised it to her. Oh well.

Talked on the phone with Cassie, while her brother and friend where over. Got told that they'd both screw me and every other cliche way men throw around the idea of sex. I guess it's nice to know that a fairy fucker isn't the only one who wants his way with me.

For the record, i'm no good at giving sex advice.

Talked to Megan, lolz ensued.

I had a dream last night that I was doing 'suggestive' things to one of my friends boyfriends.. many things I suppose I should say. Which isn't cool at all because I have no feelings for him what-so-ever. And on top of it, he's one of my friends boyfriends. I believe I said something to him in the dream too under the lines of "What about Her?" ....It was so fucking weird, and the worst part is I know in the dream I didn't enjoy it. Because I remember saying to my self "This is no different then the last time" Maybe it's just because he was a guy or something... I don't know. But now i'm confused because I know i've never had feelings for him, and I don't want to start now just because of some stupid dream it wouldn't be so bad but he's a hardxcore drug addict and gets drunk all the time. And as if all of that isn't bad like i've sad he's taken by one of my friends. UGH.

I kind of blame this on Cassie. lol. Although I wasn't thinking about much of anything like that when I went to bed. How come I can never have good dreams about the person I want to dream about? Oh well.

But she promised, so she's gotta give me something to dream about now.

it'll never be the same.

time: 1:57pm
music: I Must Be Dreaming; The Maine
mood: bleh.
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Saturday, December 27, 2008

December 27, 2008
Well, we didn't end up going to that christmas dinner thing because of the weather. So yeah, my Christmas has been lacking in the family area, but I don't really care because most of my family is a bunch of dickwads anyways. Still, sometimes it's nice to know that threw out all the bullshit you still have family but obviously that isn't always the case. lol, oh well.

So today i'm just making a shit load of cookies... and stuff. Not much else to do because of the weather.

Then tomorrow morning I'm leaving so, I probably won't post again until about tuesday or something. And my mom told me that we can probably go to the mall Monday so I suppose that's good. Hm, unless my aunt ends up taking me in Milwaukee.

I'm really having second thoughts about new years eve... This may be a horrible idea.

Jeez, winter break is going fast. D:

I put up christmas lights in my room and had my own little party because that's just the way I roll.

Pity party. :]

I don't know what else to sayyyyy.

-jenny
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Friday, December 26, 2008

December 26, 2008
Uh, Happy day after christmas?

I didn't really do anything yesterday but watch movies. I watched RENT and cried my eyes out. I love rent.

Was on the phone with Cassie for an epic amount of time.

Mayday Parade called me and wished me A Merry Christmas o_O

Got a dozen Merry Christmas Texts from practically everyone I know.

Moshed To Slipknot.

Was emo for a good part of the day.

Still am kind of.

Jordan's coming for New Years. I can't really say this is a good thing.

But maybe New Year's will be better then Christmas?

I fucking love The Spill Canvas and there ability to tell the story of my life in so many of there songs.

"I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker, I guess that's how this ones gunna go."

i need a fucking hobby.
and a job...
fuck.



I'm leaving Sunday by the way.

I want to get so wasted so she can't blame me for the actions that may play out five days from now.
If i'm not in my right mind set, she can't blame me for doing all the things that I trully want to do.
the things she doesn't know about.
the things i shouldn't know about.

lolz, no really. I'm fine.

-jenny
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Thursday, December 25, 2008

December 25, 2008
Dear Santa,

Please make Cassie's wish come true.







Merry Christmas.
It just doesn't feel like Christmas.
And i've got nothing else to say..
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