Sunday, August 31, 2008

I hate alcohol.
and emotions.

and this movie is freaking me the fuck out. too many simularities. Not good. Not good.

Theres a hole in my wall.

weeeeeeeeeeeeee.

if i only was this persuasive all the time.

i just got prank called and scared the guy. because of my sexual answers to his sexual questions. Hah. I win.

-jenny
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Saturday, August 30, 2008

say yes to pull the trigger.
Oh, its amazing how fast things can change. Amazing how fast people can come back and how easily some can just slip away, without a second thought. Without a glance back. Must i be forgiven for moving on?

I tried too fall asleep last night. but i couldn't i must have laid in bed for hours. I tried everything, and i mean everything too fall asleep. I wrote, I listened too music, I counted sheep, [yes i really did] i did everything i could think of. I was trying to turn my mind off, but i couldn't. I couldn't stop thinking! I usually have control over the things i think about but last night I didnt. [DONOTREAD ANY FURTHER IF YOU DONT LIKE GORE. SKIP THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH] I realized, that my mental picture of my dad.. isn't exactly pretty. I'm not stupid I know what happens when you die. I know what happens to your apperance once you're no longer circulating blood or breathing. I know bodies decay, but how come it only hits me now, how horrifying that really is? I'm terrified of the picture in my mind. That's not the way I want to picture my father, but its the truth and I can't hide from the truth. I don't remember things anymore, his voice, his anger, sometimes I wonder what my dad would say if he was here and saw me do the things i do in my life, and then i realize.. I don't know or remember what he would have done. It's only been less then a year, how can i forget so fast?

She came back just in time, really didn't she? hah..

I toke a nap today. and i had a dream, about someone i haven't dreamed about in forever. It's kind of amazing how real it felt, amazing how right it felt...

Not so sure about the mall of america thing anymore.

and that concludes my day.

comment responses;

Cassie: it kinda soudns like you said timmy chews you. HAHA. That was a wentz cassandra.

Krissy: buck buck.

Charlie: The mall of america is located in Bloomington Minnesota. Annnd, I love cooking but our kitchen is in the midst of being remodled so we have no kitchen sink or counter space... makes cooking a hassle but it could be done, i just have to do it.

TaintedSanity: i has mad loves for walmart! lol.

Emily: I've never been too cousins subs. D: I've heard of it but never been.

Belindaaa: OMG I WANTS TOO SEE YOU ON WEB CAM. [perverted enough for you love? XD] btw, thanks for the cookie. -chokes and dies-

baibai.

-jenny
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Friday, August 29, 2008

have a little faith in me.
Yesterday was boring as well. I did laundry and finally faced the bullet and cleaned my closet. yeah.. you don't understand the length of how messy my closet is if you haven't actually witnessed it. [cassie]

but yeah... went too subway when my mom got home because she never feels like cooking when she gets off of work.. i really need to do something about that because we've been going out too eat way too much lately.

went too walmart. [again] lol. I practically live there. seriously. I was going to buy a new webcamera because mine broke but i decided to save my money for the mall of america :3

ahh..something is missing.. i know what it is but dont want too say...

I spent the rest of my evening talking to nikky and krissy

since this post is pretty shittastic i guess i'll do comment responses.

Cassie; My money IS on you richards a whimp. that is a cute idea. I want too draw a wedding ring around someones finger in black sharpie. oh waiiiit, i can't. wait, your brother chews? but only sometimes?

Belinda; I dont know if he knows im a full on lesbian... He knows I'm bi, but his orientation changes every other day. he's such a poser... I used too hate the mall too. or shopping in general. I'm horrible. I COME KIDNAPZ YOU AND TAKEZ U TOO MALLZ NOW OKAY?

Emily: my ex is mighty stupid lol. I hear the hot topic is amazing there. :] one of the only reasons im going.




THE END. its sleep time now.

-jenneh




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Thursday, August 28, 2008

you cant change the way you feel
First of all. I want some cake, damnit.

for the majority of my birthday i played guitar hero for three hours and i'd like to say i was successful at actually mastering the hard level but then that'd be a lie and i'm trying to shy away from my compulsive lying habbits. i also did laundry because i was in desperate need of clean clothes.. When my mom came home she toke me out to pizza hut and we had dinner and it was pretty delicious. vegetarian pizza, onion rings and chicken. lol almost vegetarian. mum got me a cake at walmart but i told her not to bother with it till tomorrow. I was too tired to eat anything else.

er..yeah, that pretty much sums up my day. I got a lot of texts wishing me a happy birthday. I got a letter from Nikkeh and my grandma. lol. nikkys card was hillarious. XD I hope i get to see her soon.

it's raining right now.. I like it. very much so.

I need to make a doctors appointment. and i need too take an eye exam before school starts again. I need to figure out why i keep getting headaches all the time. oy. too many things to do and too little time.

we're not going on vacation this weekend... my mom decided against it so i think we may be going to the mall of america. which means i finally get to go too minnesota. finally.

Haha, also my exboyfriend is spreading a rumor in town that i'm having sex with all the guys in town. funny thing is, i dont like boys and why the hell would any of the guys in town want to have sex with me? ha ha ha ha. idiot.

the heart is mighty confusing. this i know.

beware... jennys listening too old school good charlotte again, this could never be good.

:] later

-jenny


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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

16
edit;;;

I'M SIXTEEN MOTHAFUCKAS!

yes, krissy changed my mood so i'm not going to care about anything today and party till the two cops in town drag my ass down too the station, yo.

bytheway.cassielikestorideponies.

I FUCKING LOVE YOU CASSIE.

-jenny

ps. lol. threesome.
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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

my days are going by too fast, i don't want time to go by.
i really don't understand why i ever have any faith in anything i do.

Today was sort of a busy day. I went too Onalaska and went to US cellular and seen a guy with a pink mohawk. It was kind of cool.

I got my hair cut today and its definatly shorter but not that short, I didnt really like the lady who cut my hair but hell what the heck, i hate getting my hair cut though because it means sitting in front of a mirror for a certain amount of time. It's too easy for me to pick out my flaws. ugh.

I also got my cartilage pierced and two more piercings so i now have a total of 5. lol. I have to open up my lower ones though because they're closed. I think i scared the lady though because i told her i was a masochist. XD haha.

I also went too shopko today and stalked my favorite cashier ever. xD and apparantly imma creeper. lol. but, yeah... I don't know when I'll see krissy again and that kind of makes me sad but im excited for her. I LOVE YOU KRISSY.

we drove home and it was dark, and theres a low part inbetween sparta and cashton that was completeley fog and it scared the shit out of me because i couldn't see anything. but it was only for a while. then we seen a skunk cross the road and i am convinced that i want a pet skunk.

hmm, tommorow i'm going too some town about an hour away from here too a barbaque thing for my moms work.

Oh also, saturday-monday i'm going to be on vacation and then i start school on tuesday... yeah lovely.

mm... that's it for now.

-jenny


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Monday, August 25, 2008

Whatever will be, will be.
I did it again.

Jordan came over today. I want to say we did something real fun but we ended up watching lord of the rings on my tiny ass tv but it was fun because i kept making frodo x sam refrences because we all know that frodo and sam are lovers. [okay, even if it is just in my mind.] and for the first time i got too see the third lord of the rings. it's emotional. lol. I missed a portion of it but it was still good. meh, i had a good time. we have evil plans for when she moves to town. lol.

As for the rest of the day.. I toke my dog for a walk, and I've been having problems with him lately. He was a stray that i adopted and he's not house trained very well. and with school coming i can't possibly get up in the middle of the night too take him outside. So, mom knows someone at work that will take him if i can't train him better.. but i'm still going too try because I mean... I love him, and I can't just give up on him.

Also, our next door neighbor has a grudge against all the dogs in the neighboorhood and sits outside and bangs her cane against her shed threatening too bash in all the dogs heads. Yeah, nice lady and most likely she'll be getting a piece of my mind tomorrow.

bleh.. I have a horrible headache. I need to start going to bed earlier.

[by the way, i wanted to thank you guys for all the comments yesterday.. it means a lot to me to know you guys care, and understand in some way.]

okay, sleep time now.

-jenny


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Sunday, August 24, 2008

Que Sera Sera
i didn't have the strength to say that tonight.

i feel weird like something just isn't right, and i know a lot of things have changed as of now and i'm making a lot of changes i'm fixing a lot of things and i'm trying to patch up a lot of my mistakes. i feel like i need to grow up right now because i have been being mighty childish about a lot of things. I need to start acting like a normal human being again.

As of today my dad has been gone for exactly 10 months. I'm numb now a days when it comes to me thinking about my dad. I really don't know what to think anymore. I know I can't bring him back. But i think the saddest thing right now is that I don't know what he'd say today. If he knew the way I was. He'd be so dissapointed in all the things I've done since he's been gone. And he thought he was the failure. Yeah. I do miss him. But who am I to grieve?

Jordan is coming over today after church and we're going to hang out for a while. I don't know what we'll do though. I'm kind of glad shes moving to town because i don't have any friends in town.

I need to go to bed now.

-jenny


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Saturday, August 23, 2008

We're the new face of failure.
Time:1:33AM
Listening Too:The [After] Life Of The Party by Fall Out Boy
Reading: Breaking Dawn
Writing: Nothing. Bleh.
Thinking: If I told you, you'd be worried so I'll refrain from that.

First of all, I cleaned my room for once. and now it's all pretty and clean and I put up my posters. yes poster[s]. Which will be explained later in this post. I also reorganized my room so it looks different now.. I have a thing for re-decorating. It's odd.

I've been missing my cousin a lot lately. We have some evil plan to get my mom too fly us out to new york so we can see eachother but i don't think my mom has a lot of vacation time so i guess that won't be happening. ugh. I don't have to TRY to be happy when I'm with him, it just happens because we can make ANYTHING funny. I miss that.

I went too walmart again today. and bought another joker poster so now i have two. [yes im obsessed. i knowwww] they have one more that i want to get.. Maybe for my birthday.

My mom thought I was dying last night. I had to say no but deep down inside of me something wonders if that was a lie. Haha. 'Is too realize two out of three aint bad'

When am I going to realize?

I don't want krissy to leave, even though I know thats the selfish side of me.. I dont want my birthday to roll around and I don't want to go back too school. I don't want to do anything anymore.

I have nothing here.
and I'm getting tired of holding onto something that isn't here.
Sooner or later I'm going to realize that I've been waiting for a happy ending that has no intention on ever coming.

This wasn't meant to be emo.

maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

-jenny
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Thursday, August 21, 2008

lol cassie i told you id steal your line
Time: 1:49AM
Listening too: The Loveless AMV on my site. WATCH IT! I didn't make it but it makes me cry everytime.
Reading: Breaking Dawn
Writing: Nothing, since I finished my Peterick
Thinking: About how bad my head hurts.

yeah.. i have a really bad headache so this will be brief because i want too go to bed.

We went too the mall yesterday and my mom toke three hours too find a pair of shoes that she wanted... but we went too a buffet and i had some orange chicken that was amazing so it was all good <3 I seen a guy at the mall wearing a skirt and that pretty much made my day.

Went too walmart. again. [yeah...none of you but cassie know how much I really go too Walmart. It's ridiculous.] I got the movie Juno and a Poster of the Joker from the dark knight and it's sweeeeeeeet.

Bleh, I'm worrying about something and it's realllly reallly bugging me but there is about an 85% chance that I'm worrying for nothing.. -sighs- I don't know anymore.

Today is supposed to be a very good day. <3 <3 <3

-jenny
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