Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Sorry I'm late guys, I was writing porn
Time:2:02AM
Listening Too:the world has its shine [but i would drop it on a dime] by cobra starship
Reading: Breaking Dawn
Writing: Peterick
Thinking: About how much I love Gabe Saporta

well i figured out today what was making me so weird latley, and now that I really think about it, it was pretty obvious. Kinda weird though.

So today was boring my mom started work and im thinking that was okay She's feeling sick though, so i hope she feels better in the morning.

Cassies mom is like a second mom too me o__O

Note to self: Do not stare out your window and look at the stars while listening too Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy, It's a guarenteed water works fest.

..........yeah.

I don't want summer to end, but i am a little bit excited for school too start.. I still think I'm going to get confused 8th hour because i have gym and i dont know where the locker room is D: and... just..ew gym >.<

uhm..yeah.. nothing else important is happening, I'm having yet again another epic conversation with cassandra. lol.

and i have a theory that Pete wentz controls the emo portion of my brain.

Good day.

-jenny
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Sunday, August 17, 2008

Oh, If I only had my way.
Time: 3:01PM
Listening Too: About A Girl by The Academy Is...
Reading: Breaking Dawn
Writing: Hm, I finished Chapt. 21 soo.. My joncer again. :]
Thinking: About What I'm going to do with that..

Hm, well my friend hasn't come over yet today so I don't know if she'll show up or not. Doesn't really matter though. I'd rather not see anyone anyways.

Yesterday was boring. I watched too many movies on lifetime and then i made dinner. I was REALLY bored last night so i was playing with the cats and making them chase my lazer. Hehehe. It was hillarious. They were all trying to climb up the wall. It's great. xD

Bleh.. I'm sick of reading about Jacob complain in Breaking Dawn. I hope it gets better.

Once again I'm doing nothing today. I think Tomorrow we're going shopping for my sisters school stuff though. Hmm.

I gots nothing else, I'm going to go upstairs and listen to musics.

-jenneh
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Saturday, August 16, 2008

but don't get the wrong idea, we're gunna shoot you, we're gunna shoot you.
Time: 1:21PM
Listening too: Its hard to say 'I do' when I don't by Fall Out Boy
Reading: Breaking Dawn
Writing: HSNE! ...sort of.
Thinking: ...that my hair smells good.

Hm a few days ago i went school clothes shopping at the mall and the guy that works at hot topic, rob was scaring me because he kept saying "OH, SO YOU LIKE ANIME HUH?" because i bought a deathnote shirt and i was looking at the Naruto shirts. but i was kinda happy because he gave me the last twilight shirt they had :3

Oh, and also while I was in New York my iPod broke so I also bought a new iPod this week. It's a video iPod and it's pretty swweeeet. I just don't know how to put videos on it but i'm having fun putting pictures on it. xD

Oh! and yesterday we went to the vet too get ALL the animals treated for fleas because they ALL have them and it's annoying.. plus mum called will kil so they're going to come kill all the fleas in the house =D Oh and the vet thought that i was my sisters mom and that my mom was my sisters grandma. XD My Poor Mom, and poor me, I wouldn't want my sister as my daughter. xP I'm mean.

today im doing nothing! well i might change my site around. and tommorow a friend of mine is coming over for a bit. I've been trying to avoid town involvment so I've failed at that. Oh well. I'll live.

Oh, New york was good. I really didnt do much of anything but be lazy and fool around. I danced WAY too much at the reception lol. I was drunk on rum and coke though... so i just hope i don't see any of the wedding videos because THAT would be embarrasing.

Well I have nothing else so I'll leave you with two pictures!



That's my cousin Timothy and I, some Canadians offered to take a picture for us. xD



XD and that is. Cassie, Aqua, My siter and I. [i'm the one in the nightmare before christmas hoodie, in case you couldn't tell.] When we went too Kalahari we went too a Tommy Bartlet show and Cassie and I where giddy too meet Aqua the clown because we thought he was a sexy clown. I think we scared him though haha.

That's all I got's. I'm going to go make muffins now. x3

-jenneh
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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I've been dying inside you see? I'm going out of my mind..
Time:12:45 Midwestern time
Listening too: Your Love Is A Lie by Simple Plan
Mood:Sad. But okay.
Drinking: Nothing.
Reading: Eclipse [still]
Writing: HSNE Chap. 21 [yes.. still]
Thinking: about ducks

daily rant:

yes. ducks.

Today we went down too my aunts farm and cassie and i walked in the creak down that runs all the way down her land and it was pretty cool. I love how our real lifetime experience's are getting thrown into our story. It's great. :] I drank a bit but still drove home because my mom was completley wasted.

Mom also made me cry today because she brought up the fact that she does things for me all the time and never for her self. I was only upset because I hate it when she drinks outside of home. What would she do if i didn't have my permit? Sometimes I feel like I'm being used. I know im being selfish but alcohol is something that really bothers me. I don't mind when she drinks at home but i know when she gets around other people her mind goes down the wrong path.. Ugh, I don't know I guess I'm just horrible.

Anyways.. we went to see the dark knight and it was a good movie. I laughed threw out a majority of it because i really find the joker to be a sexy man. Poor heath :[ It makes me want to watch brokeback mountain now. XD but some asshole stole it from me... bleh.

We're leaving tommorow for Kalahari and Milwaukee and warped tour. I'm going to take my laptop but I don't know If I'll get internet. I know it's like...15 bucks to use the internet there for an hour. eh -_-

I hate my self sometimes. Too the point where it really fucking hurts. What am i gunna do? Can't let my emotions show.

Eh, I'll talk to you guys sometime soon hopefully.

-jenny
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Saturday, July 26, 2008

All the colors of the street signs...
If i could sum up the past three days in words with no explinations it would look something like this.

cows. driving. cars. writing. books. burger king. theifs. US Cellular hold lines. Sleeping on the floor. Downtown Milwaukee. Jonnie Walkers. Fast food. Gummy Panties. Stripper Poles. Penis Lolipops. Panic At The Disco. Fall Out Boy. Mall. Ice Cream. Skipbo. News. Jesus Talks. Paleta's. German Food. Ham. 3:30. Deep talks. Jokes. Refrences. Dirty Feet. Innapropriate questions. Banks. Family Dollars. Walmart. Cell Phones. Broken Ipods. Guitar Hero. Truck Drivers. Masturbation. EDWARD CULLEN. Golden Teeth. Hot Almost Sort of Gay Guys. Drums. Guitars. WANTT. Little Mexico. Potatoes.

That's all i got for now. I'm sure I'll think of more. Right now im too tired to think.

-jenny
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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Imma be gone till friday.
dont miss me.
:]

-_-

-jenny
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Friday, July 18, 2008

and it ended. like all things do.
I r feeling pretty happies today.
prolly because im getting eclipse today
and then tommorow..
begins wonderfulness. XD

i lost a friend today.
and im actually totally fine with that..
because she was being a stupid stuck up two sided bitch.
everything was a competition to her.
oh well..

and as for the moving thing.. I'm not too worried about it anymore.
theres only one thing thats bugging me about it still.
but its going to take some time so i wont be moving any time very soon...
it has its ups and downs i guess...

=\

anyways im out of orange juice so... i'll be on my way now.

-jenneh
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Thursday, July 17, 2008

Pretending like you ever really knew me. I'm pretending like I really don't care. Like my love for you doesn't exsist.
I want to believe theres a meaning too it all. I really do.

My thoughts are blurred right now. I just wish life didn't hurt anymore. I just wish I didn't have to hurt anymore.

Mom's decided she's putting the house up for sale. She wants to move back to Milwaukee. As much as i hate this town I don't want too leave for a few reasons. Krissy being one of them. School being the other. And it's peaceful up here.. unlike any peace i've ever been able to feel. whatever.. she can take me back if she wants but im not going to be happy about it. I'm sick of pretending to be the grown up. I'm only 15 years old.. If i want to throw a fit I will, because i've pretended for so long that none of this has affected me. I've pretended everyday for the past 10 months that I'm absouletly fine with everything. When that is the furthest thing from the truth.

I honestly.. Dont know what to do anymore. I don't know how to change things. I don't know how to make people love me. I'm tired.. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of lying.

I think I may just suck up some sort of sympathy, Make my mom buy me Eclipse and just lock my self in my room until saturday. Then I'm letting my self go. Shes my bestfriend.. And I may never be able to see her again.. and she doesn't deserve to see me in this state.

Somethings wrong with me though.. and i just cant quite grasp what it may be. I'm not suppose to be this way.

-jenny
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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Are you happy now?
I hope i am.
I think that there was a reason that file door was stuck shut.
Im a fucking idiot for opening it.
I guess i like to self inflict pain on myself.

We have a filedrawer. that the upper drawer. It is/was stuck shut. I opened it tonight. Stupid move on my part. It was like unleashing the ghosts of my past. I was looking for a picture of my dad. because i dont have any. And oh, believe me i found what i was looking for. and more. no one ever told me my dad went too new york, chicago, colorado, alaska, italy, france, germany.

NO ONE EVER TOLD ME ANYTHING.

I had a father that i knew nothing about. I know. I'm acting selfish. but i knew him for fifteen fucking years and what did i know about him? I know nothing but the fact that he was a telemarketer his whole life. Not till he died did i realize he was in the navy for a good majority of his life.

Letters.. Letters to my mom. That betray a man i never knew. A man that isnt the father i knew. he PROMISED. he promised to love her FOREVER. he promised.. what does forever even mean anymore..

these pictures.. they make my childhood look amazing. but i dont remember it. I dont remember any of it. What happaned?

so now. all i have is 9 undeveloped roles of film. a handful of photo's i'd never seen before. and my memories to once again haunt my dreams. I wish i didn't know how cruel life really is.

now all i have is the hope of waiting for a text this morning. you're my lifeline.

and im walking too close to the edge.

-jenny
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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

its been a while, since i could hold my head up high
i got new moon yesterday.
i'm on page 201.
and it's epically emo.
dnw emo bella. -_-

the last past two days my moms been cleaning a lot and i've been helping a lot... I dont really mind but i still feel like my days are very short.

my life is so boring sometimes..

i want to go sky diving.

hm.

-jenny



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