Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I told my biggest secret last night to the person it was actually about. O_O It's good though because she was okay with it and she didnt really reject me and i am still determined to make her mine by the end of this school year :3

Yeah your probably wondering wtf? And i know i haven't been filling you guys in well with what is going on in my life and for that i am entirely sorry.

By the way the panic at the disco concert was amazing. I got pictures but my camera is being an ass and wont let me upload my pictures! i have more videos then anything. i got a video of the song folkin around just for cassie and to my surprise it is a very good quality. I love panic i really wish i could see them again and i hope krissy, cassie and i get to go to some concerts this summer. That would make me happeh.

Despite sunday night i've been really down and fucked up latley to the point where i realize i havent been down this far in so long. Richard stoped at my house last night and gave me back some of the stuff he had of mine. It's not everything he has of mine but its a good amount of it. I wasn't home when he dropped the stuff off i was actually outside walking brenny. [who is my dog by the way and i have finally decided to call him brenny even though i do find the thought of walking the lead singer of panic at the disco to be quite humerous. . .] but anyways.

besides i miss having relationships with girls... I guess i am gay. *gasp*

I just feel like nothing will EVER go my way and every good situation ends up like shit in the end and what am i supposed to do about it but sit and wait until something good finally happens? Well fuck, im sick of waiting.


=[ Well. i have to go. i have a portfolio to finish...

By the way since the concert i have been just a little obsessed with motion city soundtrack.

¢¨újenneh
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Friday, May 23, 2008

yesterday was a bad day,
and so is today.
im so sick of this bullshit..

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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

bleh
guess what? I totally passed my permit test today. which means... i can totally drive on the road now. XD annnnnnnnnnnnd, i should have my license by the end of august.

I cant wait for this summer because i totally am going to have cassie come live with me for part of the summer. cassie, krissy, and me are going to cause chaos in the streets of wisconsin. I believe that this summer, if as goes to plan will be the best summer of my life.

seeing panic in 4 days. cant wait. going to molest ryan ross annd make him admit that hes in love with brendon urie. do not care what anyone else says. :]

totally behind in school because myotaku calls to me when im in the computer lab.

hungry. and I WANT SUMMER!

-jenneh
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Monday, May 19, 2008

ughh.
sometimes.. life gets me so confused...
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Saturday, May 3, 2008

there's a point in time where i realize every choice i made was a mistake..
Yesterday was pretty boring i felt really sick in the morning but had to go to school anyways. I thought i was going to keel over and die in 7th hour but luckily i made it threw the day. I forgot a tape i am supposed to watch in my locker at school for my art class.. Which isn't good since the assignment is due soon. I am practically failing two classes as of now. Not that it matters to me that much... the only bad thing about it is i couldn't join any sports. not that i want too haha. We're doing an isearch paper in language arts and im doing mine on alcoholism and the affects it has on teen's that live with alcoholic parents. I'm interviewing my Language Art's teacher monday because i know her father was an alcoholic. The interview will be one of my primary sources. I can interview people online so if you happen to want to be in my paper tell me. :]

after school yesterday i got my hair dyed again.. my hair is now dark auburn and has a purple tint. XD hah, i told my mom id get purple one way or the other... It's not that changed though just a little darker. I dont have any pictures becuase none we're turning out any good. while i was getting my hair dyed there was a tornado warning and i guess it hit a town a couple towns away from where i was at. It was kind of freaky my mom said when she was driving she seen a funnel cloud. Cashton didn't get hit which is good but odd considering we're on the ridge.

really miss how things used to be.

no one around here will work on my moms car because its foreign. Japan made. I love japan but i wish they would make their cars better because ours really needs to stop breaking every other week. We'll probably end up getting a new car just so we can go down to milwaukee.

I watched the fma episode where hughes dies yesterday... i cried and am still depressed over this. how could they kill poor hughes? T____T His poor daughter doesnt understand and now she has to go on with our her daddy!! T.T I love fma though. I found a website where i can watch all the episodes finally!!

Im bored... there's nothing to do anymore and myotaku has gotten boring since the theotaku switch. I dont like the otaku and i miss the old myotaku when everyone updated.. I haven't gotten a guestbook signing since january.. but i suppose that's because of the fact that there is no longer a members list. It's just sad considering this was like my second home a year ago... I wish it'd go back to the way it was.

I want to write, thats not what i meant when i posted about my writing. I just realize that my writing is not good enough. BUT, im not going to wuss out because i'll write eventually if its shitty or not it'll get done. So to say, im better at poetry then i am at actually writing stories. I guess im not good at putting "action" in my chapters... since nothing seems to happen in them. Oh well.

im sorry, somedays i just dont feel like my self anymore. It doesn't mean im not okay... I guess it just means i never was.

anime night!

Im outa here.

-jenneh
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Friday, May 2, 2008

This song describes exactly how i feel right now..
"Calling All Cars"
By: Senses Fail


Calling all cars we've got another victim
'Cause my love has become an affliction
What did you expect from me?
What did you expect from me?

I'm sorry but I think I failed to mention
That I lied at my very first confession
What did you expect from me?
What did you expect from me?

'Cause this has been building since I have been breathing
And I know how it's going to end

So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down
And now that I'm gone
Try to forget me and just move on
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now
You knew all along
Try to forget me and just move on

Oh my dear, what have I gone and done now?
It's curtain call, I'm about to take my last bow
What did you expect from me?
What did you expect from me?

Without giving away the entire ending
I ruined the evening again

So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down
And now that I'm gone
Try to forget me and just move on
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now
You knew all along
Try to forget me and just move on

I don't have love left inside, inside
And I don't have love left inside, inside
Are you desperate for an answer?
I don't have an ounce of good left in me now
That's why I walked out

So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down
And now that I'm gone
Try to forget me and just move on
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now
You hate me for it now
Try to forget me and just move on

I am not the one that you should blame
So take what I left you for the pain
I am not the one that you should blame
So take what I left you for the pain
And do your best to forget my name






-jenny
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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

'Round here...

im stuck in this hick town with a population ten times smaller then the city i grew up in. the only reason im still here is because of richard. i realized that i have made him my everything, thus if i where to lose him my life would be over, yet i'd still be breathing therefor i'd be exsisting. just not living. It's not an he just became my everything situation i made him that, not taking in consideration the fact if i where to love him or not. Don't get me wrong i do love him. I just.. I don't know I'm confused when it comes to my orientation. but it won't matter will it? if im carrying his baby... if im going to give birth to another life that is him and i. a life that we created threw lust that wants to be called love. How can i tell my mom... Who just lost the one she loved with all her heart that im giong to give her another life threw something i never thought would happen.

My head is pounding. Million thoughts running threw my never resting brain. I know my writing is lacking latley. I know im not doing anything right anymore. I know i dont have the answers anymore. But, god damnit. It's not my fault. . . If i could go back to last summer if i could go back to who i was i would. I dont like what i am really. I dont like wondering. I dont like feeling sick all the time. how do my hours go so slow yet my days fly past so quickly? I'm so sick of it..

i want more then anything.. to wake up someday and have everything be okay. I dont want to have to fake this anymore. The only happiness i feel is when im with him but when he's gone so is it. I don't feel normal anymore.. but then again i have to ask my self the question what the hell is normal anymore?

everyone i know. everyone i've ever met. they've all changed. this. this has changed. I've changed.. most of all i've changed. I don't know who i am anymore. and if you have any clue who i am. . . feel free to give me a hint.

"Im under the gun around here... and i cant see nothing, nothing... 'round here..."
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Sunday, April 27, 2008

and i hope this makes you happy now.
currently:

missing;

-the old myotaku
-summer
-milwaukee
-my old friends

wanting;

-to watch juno again.
-summer to get here already
-more time to sleep.
-less time at school
-my aunt to be done moving her shit out.

wondering;

-if we can rent more movies again.
-why the cable downstairs isnt working
-if krissy's okay?
-if cassies mad at me for not coming on last night because i fell asleep watching juno. -_-
-if i should post on here more often...
- what im going to entertain my self with today
-if my laptop even works anymore....
-if i should go to prom or not?

randoming;

-black lights are like the coolest thing ever.
-i wish i had scene hair
-CAR ISH BROKEN.
-sex is over-rated. no matter what.
-why cant i dye my hair purple!!
-pardon me while i become anorexic
-i dont want school tommorow!! ;__;
-guitar hero sucks after you beat it. T_T

i love you guys <3

¢¾jenneh
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Saturday, April 26, 2008

Update: April, 26 2008
Time: 9:00am
currently: listening to Northern Downpour

Updates in a nut shell.

-summer vacation is almost here which means i should be around online more often since there will be no pain in the ass school to swamp me with homework.
-I have been noted as a poet at school. In return i don't like the direction my ego is going.
-I'll have my permit before school's out. I GET TO DRIVE THIS SUMMER! my mom's still trying to figure out if thats a good thing or not. . .
-This is a big house when there's only three people living in it. Rather boring too, when the cable is out. . .
-Half a year isn't that long is it?
-I feel anime deprived latley..
-This is the first weekend i've been home in a looong time.
-Im running out of updates, so I think i'll run off now!

-Jenneh
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Monday, April 21, 2008

skyway avenue
i skipped school today. well not really i had permision not to go.
we where in milwaukee all weekend which was pretty cool
i got to see nikky finally i hadnt seen her since she had been here in january. it was nice to see her again.
we watched the movie waiting and an episode of the lesbian soap opera the L word. XD lmao it was great.
and if anyone cares we are ALMOST done with cleaning out the house in milwaukee. It toke a long ass time but now we can throw it up for sale and hopefully it'll sell so we dont have to deal with it anymore.
i believe we're going down this weekend but not doing much and staying at a hotel.. my mom told me last night that i can take richard with us so im pretty happy about that..
as long as she doesnt change her mind. -_-'
my mom got drunk last night cuz she was pissed off at my cousins.
we ended up leaving and going to richards house where she continued to get drunk with richards mom.. it was all pretty interesting. specially the part where him, my sister and i had to walk up to the bar to get them. hah. we're lucky we didnt get stoped by any cops since it was waaay past the towns curfew. eh..
the good news is my aunt and cousins are moving out. I dont mean to sound mean but i guess some people just cant live together and we're some of those people. i cant wait to have the house to our selves though.
45 more days until summer vacation.
32 more school days until summer vacation.
you have no clue how much i cant wait for summer.

later~

-jenneh
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