Thursday, April 10, 2008

my site is a lighter black on the school computers then it is on my computer at home.. weird.

i realized a lot of things between today and last night actually..

*I really do miss steph.
*It feels really weird having someone so close to you when they've been so far away all along.
* I really need to just let my self cry sometimes. even if i end up paying for it the next morning.
* I dont understand how my mom, my sister, and i have gone on living since october.
* I dont know why God toke him away from me
* I realize that the questions that swim around in my head are questions that really can never be answered.
* I see threw peoples lies way to easily.
* I would be absouletly NOTHING without my friends.
* Life is really just a distraction.
* I love math formulas for some reason...
* I hate math.
* I hate english more then anything.
* I dont understand love. Nor will i ever. Nor do i want too.
* Im making this too long.

Im bored out of my mind even though theres a lot of stuff i really need to be doing right now.. I Just dont feel like doing it. It's raining really hard and I love it. as long as it doesnt turn to snow im fine with it. I love the rain and i've missed it.

Im outta here. >:]

♥jenny
Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

im posting for once and its actually a real post!=D!! -_-

Im not actually swamped with homework for once too. But i did take an english exam today that i pretty much know i bombed since i guessed on each and every one of the questions. I couldnt focus because i was taking it in the lmc and the lmc is always loud and noisy. and im going to steal cassies allias for a hot guy and say that extremely cute boy was also in the lmc. not that i like him but he is VERY nice to look at when you dont want to be doing your english exam from hell... hes pretty much the only guy in school that wears band t-shirts and he has an undying love for the band my chemical romance. he also has a very sexy belt. Yes, i know all this and ive never said a word to the kid. Im a good stalker none the less huh?

I can now officially say that almost every kid at school knows that richard and i are dating... and its thanks to him! needless to say im doing okay in the love area for once. Not that i deserve what he's given me... he deserves better then me.

im sick of being home to be honest my aunts been really bitchy latley and i dont want to listen to her bitching... so im going over to richards house tonight. -_- not that she wont have something to bitch about that since she hates all my friends. eh... whatever.

imma go now since its starting to rain pretty hard... wait. its fuckin snowing! -_-''

-jenny
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, April 7, 2008

PEEN!
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, March 31, 2008

ugh,
I'm home sick
i have a doctors appointment at 3
I NEED TO BE AT SCHOOL
my cousins boyfriend who graduated last year apparently is fucking around with some other girl
i need to kick both their asses
not to mention my boyfriend seems to be hiting on the new girl.
...even though she knows im with him
ugh i just wish i didnt know him i wish all of this wouldnt have happaned
because in the end im going to get hurt right?
well, todays the day i find out if im carrying his baby or not.
Part of me hopes i am. I love him, beyond anything ive ever felt for anyone and having his baby would be like having a piece of him forever.
but, i cant be pregnant.
Like im even half ready enough to have a kid.
I dont think i am. but theres still a chance.
God damn it im so sick of being screwed over.
what can i do that will end up without a shitty outcome?

I give up. Because in the end.
Love is just a hoax.

its raining. =]
Im going to go drown my self now.

-jenny
Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, March 28, 2008

I didnt go to school today... because i woke up at 1 in the morning with pains in my lower stomach.. I've actually never felt pain like that and it scared me. I fell back asleep sooner or later but when i woke up for school it still hurt and it hurt so bad that it made me cry. [that and im a wuss]
my mom let me stay home and thinks it has something to do with female problems...bleh.
I dont know if it has anything to do with being pregnant or not. i know if i go to the doctor i'll find out.. and so will my mom.. damn it. I cant go to the doctor.

I really wish i wouldnt have missed school though i had two tests today and i really cant afford to miss any more school considering its so easy for me to get lost.
Oh well.
Richard might have been at school today too, but i think he went on the art field trip anyways. i havent seen him in two days... why does it seem like its been so long?
Richard isnt leaving this april either!! I'm so glad he's staying. i would have totally given up on school if he left next week...

Im glad its the weekend but i havent been getting good sleep latley anyways so i doubt i'll get any tonight either.

Better goo...

♥jenny



Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, March 27, 2008

i hope hes not like me
Posty posty.
Maybe I’m starting to give myotaku some love again?
Just bored I suppose. He’s been gone from school for about a week now.
He just doesn’t want to come.
And I don’t blame him. He won’t be a student here anymore come April anyways.
So what’s the point?
Schools almost over anyways and summer should be okay.
As long as what could happen won’t happen.
I’m scared, scared out of my mind.
But calm, because. . . I know I can do it.
Take on the responsibility that is no ones fault but my own.
I just really hope he’s willing to be around.
When we come around. God im scared. . .
I don’t know. I don’t know what to do really.
Oh well.
I have to get some work done so I’ll talk to you guys later.

♥

Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

...
I was reading threw my old posts yesterday
from this site and the other..
i realized..
that i have come a very long way in a short amount of time that seems to have lasted for an eternity.
It makes me sad knowing i can be happy without my dad.
like i shouldn't feel this way sometimes.
but...
i dont know.
I had a really bad dream saturday night
i kept trying to stop him from killing him self.
each time i failed.
it just kept going back to that.
me walking into the garage to find him there.
it scared me more then anything..
but when i woke up i was laying in richards arms.
I dont know. I havent had a dream like that in so long.

i really do miss my old life. i miss lauren, i miss steph. i miss not having the life i have now. but i couldnt let go of this one. . . what sense does that make?

summers coming. i dont know what that means. aprils almost here. i also dont know what that means. i'll survive, of course i will. I mean what can't i survive?

heres the big question. can my mom accept a new life? we've lost so much. is she ready to gain so much because of my stupid actions? and im not sure yet, for the two of you that know. I'm to afraid to find out. . .

by the way. pretty.odd is wonderful. i love it.

Later

♥;jennie
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, March 17, 2008

O_O
>_-
myotaku is full of so much drama its unbelievable O_O
but then again so is school. so.. yeah -_-
but yeah, i have no problem being a bitch.
so if i need to be one i will.
but as for me posting anymore on here
i probably wont.
i post on theo sometimes
but if you really want to find me it'll be threw texts, IM, emails, blogger, or myspace.

i dont know. i guess things change.

-jenny

Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, March 6, 2008

i finally found a good reason to come home.
bleh.
i dont post on here anymore.
i dont know what the point is.
i checked out the new otaku but its confusing.
ill probably end up switching over there... maybe but i dont use myo now whats going to make me use theo?
ive just been busy latley.
busy with school.
busy with home stuff.
and busy with a certain guy.
:]
I've been posting everyday on blogspot.com if any of you know what that is or if you have one.
that's probably where you'll find me most of the time.

right now i have to go. school bound. later guys.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Time: 10:18 PM
Listening too: Suger We're going down-Fall Out Boy

Yesterday was MY last day of school this week my sister, my cousin and i are all taking off to go down to milwaukee this weekend. =P we have friday off but i get to sleep in for a little bit todaayy! Which is good... I've been taking nyquil everynight this week and it seems to be keeping me up and no matter how much sleep i get im still falling asleep in half my classes. I've just been really, really sick latley and i think it's getting worse. I toke dayquil this afternoon which seemed to help for a little bit but now my fever's back and my left eye keeps watering. its driving me insane. -_-

Tuesday night me and my cousin nic got bitched out because a friend of ours was in my aunts store telling her off. Whiiich, in the friends defense she deserves it. My aunt doesnt like ANY of our friends. And she has no trouble being rude to them right in front of their faces. Which, got my mom and aunt into talking about alcohol and drugs. Telling me i cant hang out with a certain person because he drinks sometimes. UHM HELLO. I GO TO SCHOOL WITH HIM. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? plus, hes one of my bestfriends. He doesnt offer drugs or alcohol to me so im not going to NOT be his friend.. In case they didnt notice. I've witnessed what alcohol does to a person, FIRST HAND. I sat there and watched my dad suffer from alcoholism and depresion. I watched him die, without having anyway to save him. I witnessed what it feels like to lose someone the way i lost him. I never want to put anyone threw that. besides, he had his ways of coping. and i have my own. even if its not any better.

There's been a lot of Prom talk going around school about prom... even if its not till may. im most likley going since it sounds fun and it'll be a joke since i'll be going with my cousin... as a gay couple. XD plus i'll probably get richard to come with us. even if he wont be in cashton anymore since hes leaving and going to tc in april.. T.T

Did I mention I cant wait for summer? AND. LESS THEN A MONTH TILL PRETTY.ODD ANDDDD VACATION IN LESS THEN TWO WEEKS!

k. Im out of here. :P see ya all on sunday... or somethin. give me a call if you need mehh.

♥jennehh.
Comments (2) | Permalink