Saturday, December 12, 2009

all the days collided
I can't believe how right things are going right now, and also how horribly wrong they are..

we haven't been this broke in a long time and I feel bad because I should go out and get a job but I don't have my license yet and I won't get it until the spring now because i don't like driving in the snow and we also don't have the money to cover the insurance, we're barely making all our payments as it is. I need a job though, and there aren't any openings around town until the beginining of next year.

I feel guilty though that I don't really want to get a job, I just want to spend all my time with her. I feel like I don't have much time left and we've wasted almost three years... but now I want to make it better and I don't ever want to lose what it is we've found. I don't ever ever ever want to lose it because i'm terrified of what will happen if I do. I don't think I can survive. I always make the mistake of making someone my everything, but right now I don't look at it as a mistake. I look at it as if this is my life, and I don't want to live it any other way and if I'm forced to... I just won't.

I'm stubborn. I think I get that from my father. Oh well.

5 days until the Breaking Benjamin concert :D :D Jenny ish excited, for many things about this week. :)

right now i'm just trying to be happy because i've wasted so much time.. feeling like this was all pointless. and I guess i've realized that if you want something bad enough you'll get it if you try hard enough. It's true.

and now i'm just going to shut up. :)

-jenny
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Tuesday, December 8, 2009

haha.
i win.

but i shouldn't let this go to my head.
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Friday, December 4, 2009

This is the sound of madness.
So i'm waiting for Jordan to come over sometime... rawr, I don't know if she'll be able to but Im hopinnn..

My grandma is also coming today. -_-'' haha, oh well. I can't wait to see her reaction to Jordan and I.

Oh, I dyed my hair black.. I tried to put the blonde in but that didn't work to well. I'll bleach it sometime soon.

I haven't heard from him in about a week.. and sHE's didn't send me back a message... stupid bitch. :) I get so much more then (s)he does even though he's not mine.. haha.

and yes, i will be your theif.. oh i will.

13 days!!! :D

-jenny
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Monday, November 30, 2009

You don't want me.
Today.. was an optimistic day.
but today is not over.
I shouldn't have let my hands wander as far as they did.

I don't know if I'll be okay or not, I really don't.
But I guess I can hope.

on another note.
adam lambert = ♥

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Friday, November 27, 2009

The truth is that i've never fallen so hard.
I think i'm holding onto you because I need something to hold on to. I've never found anything quite good enough. No, not until I found you. The pain, I've had my share of that my whole life so why would it be any different now? I'm strong. I've been raised to deal with anything. But it still breaks me down. I still cry, I still dream, I still wish. I wish that I could write my life into the perfection that my heart sees in you every single day. and If in the end this hurt me, well then it does. I just wish.. I just wish you could see what it is I see in you. You're my everything. Completely. You complete me.





It's worse now.
Now that you say you're in love with me.
and my heart, and my sanity.
doubts it completely.

because you love him.

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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

You love me.
but youre playing with my head.
one of these days.
we're going to completely cross the line.


i dont sleep anymore,
not unless your body is pressed so tightly up against mine.

why is life this way?
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Thursday, November 19, 2009

This last three years, I know they've been hard.
& when you hug me I regain all simplicity that i've lost in the past however many years of my life because you somehow manage to make everything else go away. When I'm locked up tight in your arms all I can think about is how much I love you, how much I need you and how lucky I am just to know you.


and I hope that for once, tonight. I don't end up crying my self to sleep.
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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Fuck you firefly.
i'm so fucking sick of these head games.

I'm never alone with you.
he's always there.
even if I could have you.
I'll never be able to.
he has a tight grip on all of you.
and I fucking hate it.


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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Question tiem.
1. Things that turn me off:
-preppy, annoying, bitch about everything girls in general.

-guys who think they're complete gangsters.

-people without a sense of humor.

-anyone who reminds me of my exboyfriend. ...*shivers*

2. My weird habits:
I wear the hood up on my hoodies all the time. My teachers have realized that it's pointless to tell me to not. I feel uncomfortable when people look at me straight and i tend to look away quickly. I also tend to play the "air" piano when I walk to school when I hear a song that I know how to play on the piano. I probably look like a complete idiot. I also tend to talk to my self when i'm walking alone which doesn't help my complete idiot case.

3.Who I am:
I really wish I knew who I was.
I'm almost an adult but I feel like I'll never grow up.
I could get into more about me but that would just bore everyone and confuse the hell out of me.

4. What my flaws are and how I embrace them:
-I am probably the most self concious person you will ever meet. I honestly can never see the good things people say they see in me. How I embrace that? She is the only part of me that is completely amazing.

-I have anger issues and i'm very abusive to my self. I will never hurt anyone but my self.. well with the exception of anyone who hurts her. Haha, I embrace this by knowing that I deserve this.

5.Things that piss me off:
-Rita
-Jordans Dad
-When I lose chess games
-the fact that I don't have my license yet.
-the fact that she probably won't get to go to the BB concert with me. -_-

6. Things that freak me out
-what will happen after highschool.
-how made up my mind is.
-darth
-teeth.

7. Are you crazy obsessed and if not do you know anyone who is crazy obsessed?
I am definitely crazy obsessed xD It's just who I am. When I love someone I become infatuated.

8. What's your worst F.M.L. (Fuck My Life) moment?
Haha. All I can think of is that day I was watching the MJ funeral and I was really sad but I wanted to laugh but it came out as like a crying scream... haha. Cassie and my sister were the only ones who got to experience that though, thankfully.

9.Do you like commercials? And if you don't, do you just skim through them?
i HATE radio commercials. HATE HATE HATE with a burning passion.

---

things could possibly turn around for me.
but I'm not getting my hopes up.
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Monday, November 16, 2009

Run
"I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear"

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