Wednesday, March 26, 2008

...
I was reading threw my old posts yesterday
from this site and the other..
i realized..
that i have come a very long way in a short amount of time that seems to have lasted for an eternity.
It makes me sad knowing i can be happy without my dad.
like i shouldn't feel this way sometimes.
but...
i dont know.
I had a really bad dream saturday night
i kept trying to stop him from killing him self.
each time i failed.
it just kept going back to that.
me walking into the garage to find him there.
it scared me more then anything..
but when i woke up i was laying in richards arms.
I dont know. I havent had a dream like that in so long.

i really do miss my old life. i miss lauren, i miss steph. i miss not having the life i have now. but i couldnt let go of this one. . . what sense does that make?

summers coming. i dont know what that means. aprils almost here. i also dont know what that means. i'll survive, of course i will. I mean what can't i survive?

heres the big question. can my mom accept a new life? we've lost so much. is she ready to gain so much because of my stupid actions? and im not sure yet, for the two of you that know. I'm to afraid to find out. . .

by the way. pretty.odd is wonderful. i love it.

Later

♥;jennie
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