Thursday, June 12, 2008

I wont live to see another day, i swear its true because a girl like you is impossible to find..
I'm not going to drivers ed this morning for a couple reasons. 1) If i see jordan i might end up crying through the two hours of drivers ed. 2) I feel emotionally and physically sick to my stomach, and my head. 3) I'm tired. Tired of everything, but too tired to sleep.

Jordan tried to walk to my house last night and let me tell you she lives 15 miles away from my house and she would have to walk on Highway 27 which is an interstate.. and people around here drive crazy at night. She kinda talked her self out of it though, my mom even offered to go get her. It's amazing how much i care about this girl. It rips threw my soul because she wont let me help her and i almost had my chance last night... but we both would have payed for it. but i suppose if it means anything to me she trusts me enough to tell me almost everything. Not whats wrong. just how whats wrong makes her feel.. and how she can't stand humans. I'm foolish sometimes, i want to believe that maybe this means she loves me, if not just a little bit. but god damn i love her.

I realized this is the longest i've been alone since i got with brittany. I was always with someone. I'm a whore. I'm selfish and un-greatful.

I don't deserve all the good things i have because i take them for granted... Sometimes i wish i could just destroy myself all together. I wish i wasn't the way i was. if jordan takes her life i can't promise any of you i'll still be here. I don't know if i can live my life knowing she died and i could have done something.. i could have done something..

-jenny
Comments (1)