Thursday, July 17, 2008

Pretending like you ever really knew me. I'm pretending like I really don't care. Like my love for you doesn't exsist.
I want to believe theres a meaning too it all. I really do.

My thoughts are blurred right now. I just wish life didn't hurt anymore. I just wish I didn't have to hurt anymore.

Mom's decided she's putting the house up for sale. She wants to move back to Milwaukee. As much as i hate this town I don't want too leave for a few reasons. Krissy being one of them. School being the other. And it's peaceful up here.. unlike any peace i've ever been able to feel. whatever.. she can take me back if she wants but im not going to be happy about it. I'm sick of pretending to be the grown up. I'm only 15 years old.. If i want to throw a fit I will, because i've pretended for so long that none of this has affected me. I've pretended everyday for the past 10 months that I'm absouletly fine with everything. When that is the furthest thing from the truth.

I honestly.. Dont know what to do anymore. I don't know how to change things. I don't know how to make people love me. I'm tired.. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of lying.

I think I may just suck up some sort of sympathy, Make my mom buy me Eclipse and just lock my self in my room until saturday. Then I'm letting my self go. Shes my bestfriend.. And I may never be able to see her again.. and she doesn't deserve to see me in this state.

Somethings wrong with me though.. and i just cant quite grasp what it may be. I'm not suppose to be this way.

-jenny
Comments (1)