Saturday, August 30, 2008

say yes to pull the trigger.
Oh, its amazing how fast things can change. Amazing how fast people can come back and how easily some can just slip away, without a second thought. Without a glance back. Must i be forgiven for moving on?

I tried too fall asleep last night. but i couldn't i must have laid in bed for hours. I tried everything, and i mean everything too fall asleep. I wrote, I listened too music, I counted sheep, [yes i really did] i did everything i could think of. I was trying to turn my mind off, but i couldn't. I couldn't stop thinking! I usually have control over the things i think about but last night I didnt. [DONOTREAD ANY FURTHER IF YOU DONT LIKE GORE. SKIP THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH] I realized, that my mental picture of my dad.. isn't exactly pretty. I'm not stupid I know what happens when you die. I know what happens to your apperance once you're no longer circulating blood or breathing. I know bodies decay, but how come it only hits me now, how horrifying that really is? I'm terrified of the picture in my mind. That's not the way I want to picture my father, but its the truth and I can't hide from the truth. I don't remember things anymore, his voice, his anger, sometimes I wonder what my dad would say if he was here and saw me do the things i do in my life, and then i realize.. I don't know or remember what he would have done. It's only been less then a year, how can i forget so fast?

She came back just in time, really didn't she? hah..

I toke a nap today. and i had a dream, about someone i haven't dreamed about in forever. It's kind of amazing how real it felt, amazing how right it felt...

Not so sure about the mall of america thing anymore.

and that concludes my day.

comment responses;

Cassie: it kinda soudns like you said timmy chews you. HAHA. That was a wentz cassandra.

Krissy: buck buck.

Charlie: The mall of america is located in Bloomington Minnesota. Annnd, I love cooking but our kitchen is in the midst of being remodled so we have no kitchen sink or counter space... makes cooking a hassle but it could be done, i just have to do it.

TaintedSanity: i has mad loves for walmart! lol.

Emily: I've never been too cousins subs. D: I've heard of it but never been.

Belindaaa: OMG I WANTS TOO SEE YOU ON WEB CAM. [perverted enough for you love? XD] btw, thanks for the cookie. -chokes and dies-

baibai.

-jenny
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