Thursday, March 26, 2009

[[change will come, oh change will come. ]]
Time:3:45pm
Mood: thoughtful.
Listening to: (Coffee's For Closers);Fall Out Boy

So, yeah I guess I've really died out on MyOtaku these days even though I say that I don't want to let it die. I just, I guess I don't really have much to say now a days, nothing that's really of importance or the things that I do have to say just make me sound stupid. Haha.

I've been thinking a lot lately though, about everything. Life I suppose in general and I blame this mostly on going back on my old site and looking through my archives. I'm not a kid anymore, I mean.. I remember when being 16 was such a big deal to me and now i am. This is my life now, things changed like I wanted them too, and I got through all those things that I never thought I'd be able to do.

I guess you can only really understand if you knew me back then like Cassie and Megan did and how they where there for me through out all the bullshit that happaned to me almost two years ago. Even all of you guys that knew me back then.

I mean everythings changed now. I have a better life even if it doesn't include my dad.. Things are just so different now, so.. good. I feel bad saying that but it's the truth.

I need to grow up, and I've known that but I guess now i'm just realizing that I need to act on it. I have to schedule my drivers test tomorrow, because my moms taking days at work which means i'll have to drive my sister and myself to school. I'm nervous yeah, but honestly I really just need to have more confidence in my self. I need to realize that I don't always fail at the things I do. If I work hard I can make it through anything, as I've done before. I'm not a kid anymore no matter what I tell myself.

It almost makes me sad seeing everyone on myotaku grow up. Cuz' I mean, you guys are my family, no matter what. This is the stable family that I've always had when nothing else in my life was stable. I guess this is me being greatful in the novel form.

I have two years of highschool left, that thought kind of scares me. Just slightly, but I know that it'll be okay. I don't know what I'll do but I know that it'll all be okay.

On another note, I started talking to Lauren again. Some of you may remember her, or maybe you don't. We're practically together again, but I don't want to nor can I call us a couple mostly because I know it can't be that way and mostly because I just don't want things to be that way again. I know that I can screw things up without trying but just by being who I am, and I just don't want to do that anymore, and I'm okay with that. I love her, theres no denying that, but I've known that for the past four years that I've known her. But I just don't want to screw things up again.

On another note, I practically broke two phones in the past two weeks but besides that I have a new phone now, it's nice but i'm thinking about getting the one that I want when it comes into stores. I don't know, but text me if you want. I'm also going out of town this weekend to see my uncle in the hospital because he had a heart attack last weekend and they don't really know if he's going to make it. I don't know how my grandma's going to handle another death, but I think she'll be okay I guess that I just hope she'll be okay.

I don't know how many people are going to read this, and I really don't blame you if you don't but if you do, thanks.

And so the world continues to turn.

How have you guys been?

~Jenny
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