Saturday, October 3, 2009

i'm trying to let you know that i'm better off on my own.
homecoming week.
means i've been busy.
all week.
for the past two weeks.
homecoming week
means i've spent a majority of my week
with jordan.
homecoming week means.
this is my second to last.
everyday i'm seeing life in a different light.
i held her hand on the way home from lacrosse last night on the way to the foot ball game.
and i fell asleep holding her hand.
i don't know if she was asleep
or if she was awake
but there was a point in time
when she was actually holding my hand.
maybe she thinks i didn't feel it.. but i did.
maybe you were to tired to realize it but you actually held onto me.
i gave up on making you mine.. so this, this is as good as it gets.

maybe i'm starting to go crazy.. or maybe i just don't want to believe that you'd willingly hurt me but maybe i can see him behind your eyes. I can tell when it's not really you. I can tell when you're hurting. I know when you're not okay, and when you're really happy. making you smile is the only thing that ever really trully makes me happy. Last night I thought that maybe.. well maybe you'd give in for a little bit. maybe I was just to drunk to notice that you did.

Pretend like you aren't pretending at all, okay?

what is the point of doing well in school if i'm just going to kill my self after i graduate anyways?
i have better things to focus on.
if you dissapear there is no point.
sorry mom, maybe i just want to see dad again.
maybe i'm just jealous that he got what i want so bad.

fucking october.
i hate this month.
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