Saturday, December 12, 2009

all the days collided
I can't believe how right things are going right now, and also how horribly wrong they are..

we haven't been this broke in a long time and I feel bad because I should go out and get a job but I don't have my license yet and I won't get it until the spring now because i don't like driving in the snow and we also don't have the money to cover the insurance, we're barely making all our payments as it is. I need a job though, and there aren't any openings around town until the beginining of next year.

I feel guilty though that I don't really want to get a job, I just want to spend all my time with her. I feel like I don't have much time left and we've wasted almost three years... but now I want to make it better and I don't ever want to lose what it is we've found. I don't ever ever ever want to lose it because i'm terrified of what will happen if I do. I don't think I can survive. I always make the mistake of making someone my everything, but right now I don't look at it as a mistake. I look at it as if this is my life, and I don't want to live it any other way and if I'm forced to... I just won't.

I'm stubborn. I think I get that from my father. Oh well.

5 days until the Breaking Benjamin concert :D :D Jenny ish excited, for many things about this week. :)

right now i'm just trying to be happy because i've wasted so much time.. feeling like this was all pointless. and I guess i've realized that if you want something bad enough you'll get it if you try hard enough. It's true.

and now i'm just going to shut up. :)

-jenny
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