Sunday, April 3, 2011

the story is just beginning
in the end
i'm always the bad person
i've learned to live with this
because i know i am
i accept that i am
but it doesnt mean that i like it.
i wish i wasn't so much like you
i wish my heart wasn't so guarded
so rough around the edges
from years of fending people off
from keeping everyone out
because everyone I wanted in
kicked and killed any hope I had.
bitter.
from every day i spent afraid of you.
rage.
from everything i found out after you were gone, from every word left unspoken between you and i
resentment.
for being the weaker one, the one that just can't hold up to it all.
fear.
i can't stand the thought of losing you. I can't live or leave this world without you.

why do i hurt everyone around me
everyone i know i've hurt at one time or another
my family, my friends, my girlfriend, everything.
i ruin everything.
I deserve all the pain I feel because of who I am, because of the way I treat the people who love me.
it's not fair.
i'm not fair.
how did you die while i still sit here 4 years later, alive and well?
but i'm not.
not yet
soon.
September can't come any faster then it is.
i wish we didn't have to come back
i wish i could run away
like my family is famous for doing.
it's in my blood to run,
to run away from the things that I can't handle
the things that are too hard.

why do i run if i know i'm right?
why don't i fight when i know i can win?
why do i back down when i know i'm doing the right thing?
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