Thursday, July 8, 2004

The Curse of The Innocent Demon
ok now for a real entry...i have decided upon a new theme for my otaku...hope you like it...the new welcome is a song i wrote...i left out the bridge because i have decided to rewrite it... used to be very Christian like when i was younger...but as i matured so did my faith and i realized how hypocritical so many of these religions are...i still question my beliefs in Christianity but i am leaning more to Wicca and other beliefs such as that...it still erks me not knowing what is true...but we all wonder at some point...none of us know for sure...we may feel like we do but we don't...people created religion as a means to answer the unanswered questions...i hope i didn't offend anyone...these are my opinions...i am entitled to them just as you are
...my whole life i believed this structured religion...i was young and would believe anything...those dreams of security have faded now...they have been replaced with nightmares of reality...the world really is corrupted...it once was innocent and untouched...however it has been killed over the centuries...we have raped the earth...our sky is no longer blue but red with the blood of mother earth...one other thing i don't understand is how can Christianity and other religions parade about that there way is the only way?...not all religions do this but too many do...how can Christians be so pure when their history is so bloody?...was it not the christians that mutilated the Native Americans and forced them into converting...?..was it not christianity that destroyed many cultures leaving no living traces of it left?...the tyranny has ended in some cases but i will never be able to step foot back into those gates of light again...I stand here alone and rather confused...all that i believed real has been proven false...and thus i was reborn as The Innocent Demon...
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   more surveys...hehe...sorry folks...

Numerical faq
How many people go to your school?:	a few thousand
How many staff are there at your school?:	i don't really know...enough
How many years has your school been around?:	since the thirties?
How many kids at your school are pot heads/do drugs?(Percentage):	hehe...hmm...i hate to say it but maybe 35%
Are you a pot head?:	no
How many kids at your school are pregnant?:	more than there should be
Are you one of these kids?:	nope...thank god
Who's who
Is there a cool crowd at your school?:	there are those who think of themselves as cool but there is no main clique
Define cool::	in my terms: someone who is an individual and comfortable with being themselves despite what others may say and who accepts others for themselves as well
Are you "cool"?:	to my friends i am...and apparently to some other people i do not know
Are you "popular"?:	hmm...well according to my boyfriend a lot of guys and girls know who i am...and people know who i am but i don't know them..
Define popular::	being known and liked
Is there a:
cafetria?:	yes...a very crappy tiny one
student council?:	yes...they are ok...i havn't had any problems with them
chess club?:	actually i don't know
netball team?:	does that mean tennis? if so then yes
smoke pit?:	what is a smoke pit?...a place where people smoke?...um if so then no...i don't think...i don't hang with potheads...only outside of school
no cellphones allowed rule?:	actually it is hazy...it depends on what teacher you have
day care?:	absolutely not
bike rack?:	nope unless you want to try using the race track
chirstian club?:	yes...i used to belong to it...but that chapter of my life has been closed
computer lab?:	yeah..but not enough to serve all of the students needs
tvs?:	yes
PA systems?:	yeah...but sometimes they are crappy
Lastly
Do you like your school?:	eh...it could be worse...we are rather diverse
What's your mascot?:	Tiger

your highschool brought to you by BZOINK!

[ series 1 ]
Name:	Amber, The Innocent Demon, Fae Tsukiakira, Mistress of Misery
Birthday:	Augst 6, 1987
Birthplace:	Delano
Current Location:	the hell hole on earth....delano...i used to live in monterey and i ended up here again
Eye Color:	hazel
Hair Color:	reddish-brown...the dye is fading
Righty or Lefty:	righty
Zodiac Sign:	leo the lion hear me roar!!! ...meow
Font:	huh?...i prefer Blackladder
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 2 - your favorite ]
Music:	too much to list here rght now it is HIM and The cure
Cartoon:	Inuyasha...and The Grim Adventures of grim and mandy
Color:	red and black
Car:	hmm...no preference
Slushy Flavor:	Half Hawaiin and Half Mango
Magazine:	Gothic Beauty and Alternative Press and Dark Realms
TV Show:	um...anything on music channels
Song at the Moment:	"Gone With The Sin" by HIM...it is always in my head
Language:	hmm...i speak english but would prefer japanese...i have to learn Italian this year for my move to Italy...yay!!!
Spice Girl:	hmm...i preferred Posh...but my friends would refer to me as Ginger...yuck
Food & Beverage:	cup of noodles...fruit...and tea
Subject in School:	english...choir thanks to sheena and charlegne always making it fun...Psychology
Weekend Activity:	walking around...going out of town...eh...it depends...i usually sleep and write
Frozen Yogurt:	nada
Roller Coaster:	eh...no favorite
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 3 - what is ]
Your most overused phrase:	Kinky!!!
First thing you thought when you woke up:	My God the sun is still out
Last image/thought you go to sleep with:	Ville valo...ville valo...ville valo...need i say more?
First feature you notice of opposite sex:	hmm...eyes and hair
Best name for a Butler:	Mr. Freaky Deaky
Wussiest Sport:	hehe...i don't play sports so i will make no comment on this
Your best feature:	some say my hair ...i say my eyes
Your greatest fear:	bugs and going under water
Your greatest accomplishment:	surviving junior year with bsharah and mello in AP
Your most missed memory:	Freshman year
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 4 - you prefer ]
Pepsi or Coke:	Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King:	McDonald's
Single or Group Dates:	Group
Adidas or Nike:	eh...i don't care for either
Chicken nuggets or Chicken fingers:	chicken nuggets
Dogs or Cats:	Cats
Rugrats or Doug:	Rugrats
Single or Taken:	single..um i mean taken
Monica or Brandy:	Brandy...only because when my friend and i sang "The Boy Is Mine" i sung Brandy's part
Tupac or Jay-Z:	tupac
Shania Twain or LeAnn Rhymes:	Shania Twain...plus she is sexier
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	hmm...neither...Orange Tea
One pillow or Two:	Five
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Hot chocolate or Hot cocoa:	Hot cocoa
Cappucino or Coffee:	Cappucino
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 5 - do you ]
Shower everyday:	yes...unless i am too busy then i may miss one day but no more than that
Have a crush:	despite the fact i have a b/f ...yes
Think you've been in love:	once
Want to go to college:	yes
Like high school:	only because of my friends...without them i wuold not have survived
Want to get married:	someday
Type correctly:	most ot the tiem...oops j/k
Believe in yourself:	not always
Have any tattoos? Where:	i prefer henna tattoos...they are more natural from plants...plus i am not too fond of a needle piercing me repeatedly
Have any piercings? Where:	none...my mother wants me to get my eyebrow and navel pierced but i don't care for it
Get motion sickness:	not really
Think you're a health freak:	nope...definitely not
Get along with your parents:	hell no
Like thunderstorms:	most definitely
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 6 - the future ]
Age your plan to be married:	26
Number and names of children:	three....Jade, Echo, Skyler, and possibly Lucifer
Where will you be at age 20:	hmm...with my sister hopefully
Dream wedding:	In a London Cemetary or perhaps in Ireland
How do you want to die:	in the arms of my lover...vile vallo...*_*(starry eyes)
Dream job:	Singer...Psychologist
Country you'd like to visit:	Ireland...italy...japan...London
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 7 - opposite sex ]
Best eye color:	blue and green
Best hair color:	black
Short or long hair:	long
Best height:	5'10"
Best weight:	hmm...115-150 i suppose
Best clothes:	gothic...flowy but they can have a punky appeal too...i just prefer the vampiric type
Best first date location:	hmm... a cemetary
Best first kiss location:	on the night of a full moon when it is raining
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 8 - other ]
Last time you slept with a stuffed animal:	heh...i still do...the one my boyfriend gave me
Rings before you answer the phone:	depends on how lazy i feel
What's on your mousepad:	www.gateway.com
How many houses you've lived in:	one house...five apartments
How many schools you've gone to:	four
Bedroom carpet color:	my old room had a blueish gray color...my new one...a boring brown
Shave your head for $5,000?:	sure why not
Stranded on a desert island. Take three things. No people:	hmm...my CD case full of CDs...does that count as more than one...a picture of ville valo.. and my cd player
Best time of your life so far:	any time spent with my friends...and my trip to michigan

Series 1-8 brought to you by BZOINK!

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Wednesday, July 7, 2004

   Yay...more surveys...uh oh...i think i am addicted to these... I saw them on Lucifers Wife's otaku...they are fun

Opening credits:	"The End of the World" by The Cure
Waking up:	"The Leaving Song Pt. 2" by AFI
Average day:	"Craziness Within" by Me...Amber
First date:	"Gone With The Sin" by HIM
Falling in love:	anything by Sade
Love scene:	"Change (In The House of Flies)" by the Deftones
Fight scene:	"Vermillion" by Slipknot
Breaking up:	"Us or Them" by the Cure
Getting back together:	"Light My Fire" by The Doors
Secret love:	"I'm In Love (With Your Best Friend)" by me...Amber
Life's okay:	"Clocks" by Coldplay
Mental breakdown:	"Teenage Breakdown" by Madlife and "Ready To Die" by me
Driving:	"Need You Tonight" by INXS
Learning a lesson:	"Solitude" by Evanescance
Deep thought:	"Sunday Tears" by me...Amber
Flashback:	"Loving Murder" by me...Amber
Partying:	the new song by Muse
Happy dance:	um...jeez what is the name?..."Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak...HIM did a great job with it as well
Regreting:	"The Crying Game" by???
Long night alone:	Nevermore by ???
Death scene:	"Death of the Demon" by me...Amber
Closing credits:	the song my bf made for me...untitled for now

Your Life: The Soundtrack brought to you by BZOINK!
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Tuesday, July 6, 2004

The stuff about ur lyfe
Wut is yer name?:	Amber
Around where do u live?:	Delano...near Bakersfield in California
Got any pets?:	I have none ...sadly
How bout imaginary friends?:	Oh yes plenty...except for those i killed
Real friends?:	Yes, i have those who are buried in my heart...
Hus ur bestest friend?:	rachel,jessica, cassie, jessire, anselmo, willy, sheena, lyessa, charlegne...but way more than that
Dating anyone?:	yes at the moment
If so, how long?:	Six months already
How old r u?:	sixteen going on seventeen
What color is ur hair?:	red for now
How bout eyes, u got any? what color?:	Yes i have two!!! hazel...olive green and light brown with a navy blue ring around them
Thats enuff in this topic, right?:	I'll leave that up for you to decide...
Favorites!
Color:	Red and black...my signature colors
Time of Day:	Midnight
Season:	Fall
Food:	Pata, Italian, Chinese, Indian Food, Alligator Bites...sorry Iruka...oh and fruits and chicken
Actor:	Johnny Depp
Actress:	hmmm...i am not sure...right now...Keira Knightly and Liv Tyler
Movie:	Nightmare Before Christmas, Radio, Edward Scissorhands,Secret Window, Pirates of Carib...and anything rather dark and scary
Book:	Anne Rice's Queen of the Damned
Song:	oh this is hard...Join Me In Death and Gone with the Sin by HIM...anything by the cure, or the doors, and "bloodlust" and Sunday Tears by me
TV Show:	hehe...Golden Girls...yes i am a geek oh and fairly oddparents, and simpsons and the grim adventures of billy andmandy...there are more
Sport:	Hockey
This or That
Would u rather b deaf or blind?:	god...blind because i couldn't live without music
chicken or pizza:	chicken
AIM or AOL:	AIM
night or day:	night
sleep or awake:	sleep
friend or enemy:	friend
life or death:	death
blood or water:	blood
summer or winter:	summer
glue or tape:	tape
blue or green:	green
pain or suffering:	pain
hot or cold:	hot
evil or kind:	evil for me kindness for others
pretty or ugly:	beauty is in the eye of the beholder...i will pass on this one
rap or rock:	ROCK baby
Music!
What is ur fave type of music?:	hmmm...practically anything, goth metal, alternative, reggae, jazz, blues, big bands, some R and B some country....i am not extremely picky
Whats ur favorite band?:	HIM, The Cure...Hanson...yes Hanson...No doubt...and a few others
Whats ur fave song?:	didn't i already answer this one
Hus ur fave male singer?:	Ville Valo...Robbert Smith...Jim Morrison,and Chris Martin from Coldplay
Female singer?:	Tori Amos and Billy Holiday
Have u seen ur fave band in concert?:	some of them
Ever meet them?:	The lead singer of Switchfoot...he is awesome...and some local bands
If u could make ur own band, wut would u name it?:	thirteen Darker Days
What instument would u want to play?:	I would sing
Do u play an instrument?:	yes...guitar
Do u hate contry music?:	eh...it's ok
Better on girls or guys?
blue eyes:	guys
brown eyes:	guys
green eyes:	hmm...they look nice on girls but i prefer them on guys
hazel eyes:	...both
long hair:	guys...sexy
short hair:	depends on the guy but i like short hair on girls
baggy jeans:	guys
make up:	guys and girls
shorts:	girls
flip flops:	girls
sporty:	guys
braces:	girls
tall:	guys
short:	girls
glasses:	girls
Randomosity
Look! a flying mokey!:	Can I catch a ride?
How many toes am i holding up?:	hmmm...depends on how many i cut off
What do u think of cheese?:	I prefer it stringy and no other way
Do i rock like a crazy fool?:	yes...back and forth
Do u rock like a crazy fool?:	of course
Have u ever been swimming in a river in April?:	yes..
Ever went skydiving?:	no but i want to
Ever been so scared that u peed ur pants?:	nope
Ever fell down a flight of stairs?:	hehe...yes
Been to Hawaii?:	no...next summer
Jumped off ur roof?:	more life fell
Fell off ur roof?:	well there you go...
Danced in the rain?:	every time
Got caught dancin in front of ur mirror?:	yes
Do u like moose?:	never crossed my mind
Have u ever eaten a live fish?:	no and i never will...i don't even like them dead...i prefer them swimming freely
What do u think of when i say Argacharga?:	Agrahcagra
Oolalabukana!:	anakubalaloo
Dont u just love this survey thingamajig?:	yes
Hey u! Turn that frown upsidedown!:	and then i will turn it upside down again
What do u think of when i say....
cheese:	Jelly Bellies
chicken:	my dinner
monkey:	spank him
popsicle:	summer dreams
rain:	my link to nature
death:	something we all must face... unless they make an immortality cream
ice:	distant
nailpolish:	black
pickle:	yuck
nose:	get away
mahaba-baba:	billokedo
leaf:	falling
chair:	alone
school:	hell
vacation:	with Ville Vallo
Bam Margera:	GET OUT OF MY WAY I GOTTA HUMP HIM!!!...j/k...i love him
fish:	freedom
plant:	mother nature
flower:	innocence
milkshake:	humid nights
water:	a mirage
sunscreen:	protection
Yes, this is the end.
Did u like this survey?:	why yes i do
Any comment?:	hmm...???
Any questions i should have added?:	eh...don't know
Any that i shouldnt have added?:	shrugs...they were all fine with me
Will u miss this survey?:	yes dearly...grabs handcuffs and cuffs it to self...hehe...now i won't have to miss you
Did it change your life?:	oh drastically...
ok, im done now.:	really? Me too.

Bored Survey! brought to you by BZOINK!
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   What is around the corner? ....Death is around the corner in my case
hmmm...i could say something or i can stand here and continue to cry and bleed...i choose bleeding since that is all i do from physical and emotional wounds...happiness is a fleeting moment...it remains for one day but within the next awaits darkness and sorrow to bury the good...love is overrated in my opinion...this relationship seemingly has its ups and downs but i am beginning to wonder if i should just let it go down because it doesn't seem worth it any longer...i miss having my freedom and fewer arguments...now i just have more hassels and he is always there...would one of you stab me please?...i have been in a fairy and light and sparkle mood ...now i am back to my hating mood

H is for the hell she hath brought upon my life.
A is for the anger she feeds my burning soul.
T is for the tears that i have cried.
R is for the raping of my mind.
E is for the evil waiting to kill us all.
D is for the damnation we shall receive.

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Friday, July 2, 2004

   *shrugs*
today was a pretty average day...i spent some time with my family...the only down side of today was i was sick the whole day...i am not so now but earlier it felt like hell was ravaging my body...here are some more of my lyrics...

"To Reachel (SAve Yourself)"
by amber sadoy March 29, 2004

You're speeding up the process
Spinning the hands around the clock
Stop...take a moment to breathe
Stop...You heart cannot take much more damage
Give it time to heal
Quit searching for the next
Your one and only will come along


Searching for some love
Finding none but its ashes
Showing affection
Receiving none in return
Desecrating your image
Respect becoming less
Save Yourself now, love
Save yourself for your godsend

Tears run from behind your eyes
Begging to break out
To flow freely
The pain it grips your heart
Squeezing harder with each beat
Just release the tension
Sacrifice the angst
Accept the reality that your time has yet to come

Searching for some love
Finding none but its ashes
Showing affection
Receiving none in return
Desecrating your image
Respect becoming less
Save yourself now, love
SAve yourself for your godsend

Seomeone is standing all alone
Focusing on the stars above
Attempting to shielf himself from heartbreak
Wondering when his true love will arrive
Someday your two strings will form in to a knot
So cease counting the ticks and the tocks
For when love takes a step in
time no longer exists

Search for some love
But dust away the ashes
Only show affection
When you receive some in return
Re build your image
REcollect your respect
And Save yourself now, love
Save yourself for your godsend

"Even In Death"
by amber Sadoy

These emotions cannot be true
Even though I died for you
You moved past my body
You arms they saught another

Grey is the land of now
Death was a price I paid
For a love that was never mine
Tears never slid on my face
For ice has made me stiff
Instead they flow from behind closed eyes
They are due to regret
For what I've done

These emotions cannot be true
Even though i died for you
You moved past my body
Your arms they saught another

I stare at the silver rays
Pausing to consider which way
The beams fade and grow distant
So it seems my decision has been made
You smile and embrace her heart
Leaving mine decaying in the dirt
But before you greedily snapped a piece off
chewed and then spit it back out

These emotions cannot be true
Even though I died for you
You moved past my body
Your arms they saught another

I bind myself to you now
My doom will be your curse
The pain you made me feel
Will come pack and hit you worse
Your nights shall be restless ones
For in your dreams i will lurk
Your life will be consumed by fear
Knowing that i am always near.

These emotions cannot be true
EVen though i died fo rou
You moved past my body
Your arms they saught another

"Death of the Demon"
by amber sadoy

Moonrays fall down and create a silver gleam
She smiles at her reflection
Midnight black hair and watery blue eyes
Covered in a crimson robe
It flows slowly making her weak, slowly absorbing her life

The time is arriving
Sin is standing at the door
the scene has been set
And the death of the demon shall commence

The knife drops and clatters to the ground
She is pushed back by the hands of the Reaper
Plummeting backwards into the liquid glass
Her gown of crimson slithers from her and overpowers the water
The moon cries and her light now falls onto the floating image

The time is arriving
Sin is standing at the door
The blade has been plunged
And the Death of the Deon is taking place

Her eyes have been glued shut
Her smile peeled off
Her skin freshly pale
The blushing rose on her cheeks has wilted
The crimson robe ceases flowing and all is silent and still
Her black stained heart beats no more

the time is arriving
Sin is standing at the door
The blood has been drained
And the death of the demon has ended


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   *sigh*

i am such a foolish b****...six feet under is where i belone...i hate myself as of this moment...hah...i was beginnning to love myself again and then i had t go and f*** it up and now i hate myself more than ever..i am going through my box of hope...certain cards or letters that people have given me that make me feel good about myself...people seeing something in me i have always wanted to see but never could...maybe it is just one simple thing they say but it is my box of comfort...but now i look and all i see are written words that are mocking and lieing to me...it is all false...how could something like me as stupid and worthless as i am ?...how can this be?i should burn them...turn my hope into ashes...because that is where my hope truely lies...it has smoldered become dust blowing off into the tempting wind...these times...they should be spent with love not hatred...when we should be gathering closer together rather than more distant as we are doing...where faces should be warn and familiar...not cold and uncaring...we've known each other for so long yet react to one another as strangers...
here is something i wrote when i was 12...


I'm confused and lost...unsure of where i am going...opening doors to hearts, but finding nothing...they walk past me with cold and blnk stares...they look at my outer image and don't seem to care...i've been picked up, broken, abused, and battere by these people who call themselves my "friends."...who to trust?....where to go?....i tell them my heartaches and they show me the door...so i take the key and lock my heart and sould...never to be opened....never to be seen...it doesn't matter what i say....they look right past me as if i'm not there....i'll hide in my corner...unknown to the world...i'll live in my own world and stay hidden there...until someone finds the key to my soul ...who'll take the time to listen...and take the time tolove...to show me that everyone's really evil...and that some people really do care...



so much for those thoughts huh?...i scratch at the surface of my skin...hoping to find some depth within...hoping that maybe there is some beauty buried in me...but alas...all i find is decay and maggots...some dirt and trash...i belong in a dumpster...flush me downt the toilet and let me drown in the sewer with all of your lovely goldfish...


Public - 10:13 PM - 2 bloody tears - 1 vampire bite - edit it - email it

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Thursday, July 1, 2004

   The Single White Rose (A song for Cassie)...by Amber Sadoy, March 30, 2004

In a distant red rose garden
Grows one of white
No thorns it contains
No razor leaves on its side
It stands alone and unconformed
A symbol of beauty and innocence
Every wakening day it opens with love and warmph
Sparkling with the midnight dew sliding off feathery petals
It closes oh so gently with the welcoming of night

You are the breaker
Of all things wrong
You are a comfort
To fractured souls
You are the stars
Bestowing hope to all
You are the friend
We depend upon

In a land of darkness and bloody streams
Lies a heart of gold
Amongst the bruised and battered ones
No shards or chips have fallen from this heart
It remains sold and whole
A stronghold for us all

You are the breaker
Of all things wrong
You are a comfort
To fractured souls
You are the stars
Bestowing hope to all
You are the friend
We depend upon

A friend like a sister
A benevolent soul
Your burning joy
Helped us endure cold nights
A single white rose
You stand on your own
Heart contained of gold
Blazing light to the lost

You are the breaker
Of all things wrong
You are a comfort
To fractured souls
You are the stars
Bestowin hope to all
You are the friend
We depend upon


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   Ode of the Forgotten Souls by Amber Sadoy June 2, 2004

Do you remember my child?
The time when we could breathe
When we were young and fresh
Among many friends?
The gods they bled
Goddesses cried
the devil compromised
heaven had lied

We are the forgotten souls
Journeying through legends untold
WE are myth, we are truth
We wondered by now know
WE lived, we died
We bleed; we thirst
We screamed; but are now silent
We are the forgotten souls

This burden we bear
Together yet alone
Struggling withthe urge
The love of the kill
Our hearts havr hardened
Thos pleasures have ceases
While temptuous to mortals
Us, we want release

We are the forgotten souls
Journeying through legends untold
We are myth, we are truth
We wondered but now know
we lived, we died
WE bleed; we thirst
We screamed but are now silent
We are the forgotten souls

The ritual we perform
To keep the youth inside
We abhor it yet adore it
WE lust yet try to resist
But in the end
WE know we have been condemned
To steal the life
And drink the blood
From the shattered livs

We are the forgotten souls
Journeying through legends untold
WE are myth, we are truth
WE wondered, but now know
WE lived, we died
WE bleed we thirst
WE screamed but are now silent
WE are the forgotten souls

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   Bleeding Heavens...by amber sadoy
Bleeding Heavens...by Amber Sadoy

A cloud of sorrow
Rains blood upon my head
Running down and
Becoming my new skin
The red it slides around the world
Confining all in a bloody tomb

The war has begun
In the skies above
The demons are risingto reclaim the throne
Angels defend the paradise of pure
But the flames hold them back
And singe their white wings to black

Armageddon is taking place
Darkness has stepped in to reign
Will the pure defeat the stained?
Or are we doomed to live as if dead?
The scene is grim and incomplete
The scene is not supposed to be
The evil looms over the good
The heavens fall to bits on Earth

The ashes spread and bury us all
The air becomes scarce and deadly
The clounds are black and the stars have died
No longer is our God alive

Th ebattle subsides
The end has arrived
The dust rolls away
Revealing the lost
Heaven has perished
Hell cold as ice
And mankind is left to care for himself.


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