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myOtaku.com
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• InnocentDemon8
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• europa_nymph
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Birthday
• 1987-08-06
Gender
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Female
Location
• The city of lost angels..a,k.a. Los Angeles
Member Since
• 2004-06-26
Occupation
• singer/ writer/ student/vampire/old age goth/witch
Real Name
• Amber but you can call me Fae-Fae
Personal
Achievements
• Choir Awards, Singing Awards, Poetry Awards...too many to list, Honor Roll my whole life
Anime Fan Since
• well...since eighth grade but my newfound friends in p.e. got me more into it
Favorite Anime
• Inuyasha, Cowboy Bebop, Witch Hunter Robin, Chobits, Yuyu Hakasho, Tenchi Muyo, Ruroini Kenshin...i know i spelled some of those wrong
Goals
• to become a singer, study in Italy, find my true vampire love...already attained, to master my craft of magic
Hobbies
• singing, being different, daydreaming, writing, dieing, bleeding from sel-inflicted wounds, crying, hurting, mentally breaking down, hating, loving everything but myself, ridiculing myself, drinking blood, casting spells, and learning about Wicca
Talents
• singing, writing,...i think that is it
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myOtaku.com: Fae Tsukiakira
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Friday, July 16, 2004
my ongoing thoughts...
things are beginning to balance themselves out again...that is good i suppose...I had to rise early this morning because i has an early practice...that was hell...i don't wake up until two...this time i rose at seven...i just noticed something...i literally do hate the sun...the estimated high out here is 113 degrees *sweats*...practice was rather exciting today...we started working our own tunes instead of working on cover ones...our method is rather different for me...i have the lyrics...they have the basic instrumental and them we tie them together and i have to come up with the melody right there on the spot...i just hope we can gather all of our material in time...my dear friend was weighted with a burden today...she called me in tears and i was completely confused on what was happening...i headed for her home and went to console her...then we spent the afternoon just talking and sitting on her roof...rather peaceful...it was one of those moments that you wish would last just somewhat longer...and of course when i returned my mother started biting into me...is there a moment when we do get a long?...
This madness must end...she will jump onto my back over anything...i clean the house and do all of these other things for her but seemingly they can never meet up to her standards...also i realized today she doesn't truly care about my music
...all of my friends have grown to love her as their own mother and i am about ready to gift wrap her and pass her onto them...i know that is disturbing of me to say and i must admit i feel a tinge guilty but she has more faces than she can carry...she is all cheerful and playing the part of the "cool hippie mom" when my friends are around...and i get to see her unmasked...i would rather stand before satan himself than to be beside her...my mother is a mixed blessing...if it weren't for her i never would have picked up writing but then there is the curse...she screwed me up so much as a child that i still have nighmares...i suppressed so much anger towards her that now it just floods out...before i was able to absorb my emotions and keep them in a small little box...unfortunately the box became over filled so now i snap so much more easily than i did before...there are times when we can truly connect and be one...and i fee so lighthearted...but then within a day or two she is griping about something i failed at and my whole dream crumbles to dust...all was false...i don't believe she will ever be able to call me her beloved daughter...i can't even say "I love you"...any kind of love i ever offered was returned with a cold shoulder and contempt...so i stopped caring...i broke in two...i grew to despise her...she was the last thing that i ever thought of...
then she got her disease...it is some rare disease...it could kill her...but then it may not...this scared the hell out of me...thinking that my mother was going to die...but then when i tried to make ammends for what was going on i received the gift of hope but then quickly it was stolen back from me...once again i prayed for escape...i became shut up in a tiny shell...i had my own little world...i would lie on my floor and rock back and forth and enter my own realm literally...remember how when we were little and we would create imaginary lands of fantasy and happiness?...well i did just that...
oh dear lucifer...i shall have to close for now...the subject of this discussion has requested i remove myself from the computer...perhaps i shall finish this tomorrow while she is at work...farewell all and once again thank you all for the comments on the well-being of my sister...i really appreciated it...i shall return soon...hopefully
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