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myOtaku.com
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• InnocentDemon8
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Birthday
• 1987-08-06
Gender
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Female
Location
• The city of lost angels..a,k.a. Los Angeles
Member Since
• 2004-06-26
Occupation
• singer/ writer/ student/vampire/old age goth/witch
Real Name
• Amber but you can call me Fae-Fae
Personal
Achievements
• Choir Awards, Singing Awards, Poetry Awards...too many to list, Honor Roll my whole life
Anime Fan Since
• well...since eighth grade but my newfound friends in p.e. got me more into it
Favorite Anime
• Inuyasha, Cowboy Bebop, Witch Hunter Robin, Chobits, Yuyu Hakasho, Tenchi Muyo, Ruroini Kenshin...i know i spelled some of those wrong
Goals
• to become a singer, study in Italy, find my true vampire love...already attained, to master my craft of magic
Hobbies
• singing, being different, daydreaming, writing, dieing, bleeding from sel-inflicted wounds, crying, hurting, mentally breaking down, hating, loving everything but myself, ridiculing myself, drinking blood, casting spells, and learning about Wicca
Talents
• singing, writing,...i think that is it
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myOtaku.com: Fae Tsukiakira
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Saturday, July 17, 2004
lving in a world of bleeding hearts and fading dreams...
What happened to real love?...the courting...the gentleman...the gentle carress of a hand...the shy stolen glances under the waning moon....the small yet peaceful kisses surrounded by the seductive winds...the hushed whispers of a future together embraced by the rippling vines of a weeping willow?...What has our world grown into?...sex covers too many inches of society...I prefer moving slower...an old fashioned romance is my choice...but the media and society appear to be battling against the innocent love...some people are able to move quicker...perhaps that is their pace...but why must mine be so quickened like others...I see no beauty in fast romance...you should enjoy each tender moment...you should unearth the person slowly...taking your time and finding the gems inside them...people around me tell me what i want is not a real love...i have no experience of what a real love is...they say that if i had that kind of romance we wouldn't be a boyfriend and girlfriend but friends with privelages...they say it is because i am not readily wanting to explore their body and pleasurable points...hmm...i find pleasure in them just lying next to me and finding warmpth in their firm yet soft arms...with only the night and beating of our hearts serving as our music and lullaby...our blanket is the midnight sky...our mattress the sparkling dewey grass...our light are the flickering fireflies...that is what i think real love is...just so many others do not see it that way...i had something like that once...and like a foolish being i released it...and it floated away from me...straight into anothers arms...i cannot say that i wasn't hurt...because i was...i made a mistake...while the love i have now is enjoyable it is not the one i want...He tells me i am worth the wait but that many of his friends would have left me by now...it makes me feel as if he is praising himself for being able to withstand urges and tht i should be grateful for him...well that sure won my heart my over (sarcasm)...I truly do not feel beautiful around him...i know he believes i am beautiful...i don't know quite how to put it...other guys have made me feel like such a treasure to them...yet i cannot hate him fully...he just doesn't know how to love the way i wish he could...perhaps i am asking to much...i am one who always expects to much...and wants more than can be contained...those are flaws in which i battle with..but with every attempt of a breakup he continually throws the guilt upon me..."i am going to kill myself...i am going to give up on my book now and all of my dreams...i have no future now...don't be surprised if i am found dead by the morning..."...and when it is over he continually calls saying he just wants to talk to me...and then he goes on describing our happy moments and i am won over for the time being...then i find myself back in the rut again...but he loves me...damn it...why can that not be enough for me?...why must i cry over this...?...sometimes i pray for something to come up so we can be broken apart...now that i have come and thought of this all and released here on this entry i now understand...i do not think i am really in love with him...he is with me...but i am not satisfied in this relationship...i have my moments when i miss him but only as a friend...also he told me that during school time he wouldn't have lunch with me...i stated i wasn't asking him to ditch his friends completely nor i...just from time to time i could eat lunch with him and his friends, and him with me and my friends, and once in a while just us...and at other points just be with our own friends...he told me if i ate lunch with him and his friends he would be mainly with his friends...leaving me once again alone...he has a tendency to forget i exist when his friends are around...he never introduces me...only two of his friends have befriended me wihtout him...some of the others have spoken awful things about what him and i do...and he didn't even try to find out how tht rumor was started...he blames it mainly on his ex girlfriend ...but he also told me one of his friends may have started it...but he never really seemed concerned with it...perhaps because it would scar my reputation more than his...yet when any people i know spread evil things of him...i tell them straight out that it needs to stop and that they are incorrect...unfortunately in some of my battles i have come to find that the rumors others have claimed on him have surfaced true...but he would always deny it...until somehow or other someone from the center of it pulled of my blindfold and revealed what was truly lieing there...but right now he is attempting to try again...i suppose we shall see where this takes us...yet for some reason i have a feeling i will have to let this go come school time...which would probably be for the better instead of for the worse...every relationship has a clock that ticks away the time meant to be together...some are longer than others...some continue ticking on into death...and some are just short-lived...but that is life for you...am i really asking too much in this relationship?...now i am wondering if perhaps i am more of the problem than he is...more confusion still awaits...while looking on the outside love appears easy to solve...but once you are a part of the puzzle than you find it hard to swim your way out...sometimes it is better to remain outside looking in than to be inside experiencing the event...Farewell all and thank you for your advice on my problems...i take them all to heart and they really make me ponder and have guided me in more ways than one...
~The Innocent Demon~
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