Thursday, April 27, 2006

well todays post
mmmm. today was wierd i not sure what to think
i mean i think im going to ask out rachel i dont know what to do..............
Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

well i dont care what happens now i lost all hope in life now there nothing left to lose after u lose it all i wish u could understand what im say but u wont.
i miss being meself
....................................................
..................................................
................................................
..............................................
............................................
..........................................
........................................
......................................
....................................
..................................
................................
..............................
............................
..........................
........................
......................
....................
..................
................
..............
............
..........
........
......
....
..


Death feal so real now....
Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, April 24, 2006

some thing wierd
while i think i wonder if ill maje it thought today i cant break her heart but i have to what have i become i bering no hope why do i o lost my way im in a datk room with everyomr i know i wish i could see i know there some one i love but who ihope shell chose because im hurting anotherone for her i am pushinh any one else away i want to be with her but she confussed on what she wants i look at her and i she hope i hate what i have become i feal like death i only wanr her mabye rhan everythimh well be ok?
i wish i coild take away the pain i have cozzed to my friends
i wish them the best luck in finding that specail someonebut i dont know if ill ever find heri hope i have i have lost my faith i have none............................................
.........................................
..................................
...........................
.....................
...............
........
...
.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Sunday, April 16, 2006

so one sould hit me i cut again i try not but i cant help but to feal likw i need too....
Comments (0) | Permalink

life today
yeah so tady was alright i guess other then the fact that my friend josh brouth some thing out of me and i didnt know about it ether fuck he got me to admite that i still have fealings for amaila hes new girl friend jezz i like her alotand shit bur what/everi give up i love natalie but im so mean to josh now and i think its because im pissed at the fact that she said yes to her and i think thats why i hit him out of the blue like fuck im lost about that if josh could see this im sorry man fuck im an idiot i hate every thing that i have become im going to scew up with natalie know it im trying not to let it happen but it will i always do what ever....

In the end we dust and bone
this world is dark place
i always feel alone
everyone love to rub shit in my face

how can i go on like this every thing is screwed
im lost and that the way it always bine so i deal
if feal used but yet loved
is this how every one saposed to feal?

life is fucked and there nothing i can do about it
i eait for help from any one but they never came
im a fuck up i hate myself every little bit
im a jerk,ass,a loser every thing about me is lame
every day is always the same

I wish u could hear my screams
I yell for help and I get nothing
Life is lost for me or so it seams
Or is there more pain ahead I want it to stop all the hurtng

Life to sort now with a the wars and stuff
Every one like live life up to the fullest
What do u do when u have?




Peace
Comments (0) | Permalink

yeah so tady was alright i guess other then the fact that my friend josh brouth some thing out of me and i didnt know about it ether fuck he got me to admite that i still have fealings for amaila hes new girl friend jezz i like her alotand shit bur what/everi give up i love natalie but im so mean to josh now and i think its because im pissed at the fact that she said yes to her and i think thats why i hit him out of the blue like fuck im lost about that if josh could see this im sorry man fuck im an idiot i hate every thing that i have become im going to scew up with natalie know it im trying not to let it happen but it will i always do what ever....

In the end we dust and bone
this world is dark place
i always feel alone
everyone love to rub shit in my face

how can i go on like this every thing is screwed
im lost and that the way it always bine so i deal
if feal used but yet loved
is this how every one saposed to feal?

life is fucked and there nothing i can do about it
i eait for help from any one but they never came
im a fuck up i hate myself every little bit
im a jerk,ass,a loser every thing about me is lame
every day is always the same



Peace
Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

   ye so today was ok but i miss natalia so much. i got my report card and it sucked im failing 4 thing
fuck w/e well fuck i cant let it get to me but got to go
Peace
Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

well late night was kool i was on a date with my Girl friend and her bestfriend and her boyfriend (which is My Best friend) which was kool but somr thing went wrong travis was not talking or any thing and i got weird and started to ask "what wrong what wrong man?" he didnt talk then every one kept asking and askng tell eh couldn't take it he just got up and left and he girl was woiried(i know i cant spell) i did know what to say to her but i tryed and she seamed fine but i was still scard for travis i...just did know till later cuz we talked and aperntly the thing were the Girls "kissed" pussed him over the edge i not really into the holl girl on girl thing but i think it finre im really not sure cuz i felt a little jelose but i got over it travis i my bro and i feal for him but i dont know if hes ready for a nother girl because he not over his ex i feal so bad for him i wish i could do or say something that would take his pain away even for a moment just so he could feal life like a raguler kid u know i dont think he ever got a chance to be one im realy not sure but i cant keep watching him spiral down wards into the deep hole he wants to call home life is waiting for him and hes scard so im i donno if ill be ready he almost 18 and turning 17 it crazzy how life passed by so fast iwas i was 7 again u know life was simple then the more i think the more i rember life then and widhing to see my dad...miss hem life ant the same with out him and i want to die some times just to see him i cut to feal the pain to make sure its realy cuz it dont feal that way blood in blood out it the way me and my friends used to say they were full of crap they didnt know what its like to feal that much pain they were right though blood in blood out that the way things go life a bitch and it well never get easy and lot give in i dont want to be a sestistic on some chart but it so temting just to guve in to let go of lifei can t deal with all of this shit on my mind i dont trust myself......................................................................................................................







Dead is the way i belong
feal the blade run-a-long my skin
blood slowly plusing out along the metal
i can feal the pain letting go of me

when ths happens i think that evrey one luck
they never hade the life i did they never have too
there so luck i think yeah sure they hav promblems
not like me though this shit so be happy

u have to hold ur head up high little boy
look at the good things in life dont do it
that what they used to say and i laugh and say like what realy what tell me one thing and it would be silent that how it always was life what life


i the end were all dead any way right so why wait that what think



Peace

im done
Comments (1) | Permalink

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

ya so i misted yesterdays post but what ever right i sad cuz feal like im not ready for another relsonship but she seams so happy when i she her i now its only like 2 days now but i cant be with her i not ready i need to be single i wish i had never put my self into this spot jezz i dumb how didnt i see this coming jezz w/e i need to chill out but i cant do that to her i feal like a basterd no wait i am i knew that i wish that it was easyer u know love i need it but i screw every thng up im a dumbass i donno what to do wait it out?? or just break it of cuz i dont have the same fealing i thought i did but i cant not right now i am not ready again i can have love again im not.. im just not now
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, April 3, 2006

today is funny i was not expecting to fall in love again but it happens right i dont know what people see in me cuz im just a dumb teenager who cut hes rist's andsmokes drug and drinks and smokes "smokes" and im all ways lost thes day but i got a little back today i feal love again i think but i wont be sure yet but i hope i cna stop searcing once again i feal a little better --

Alex
Comments (0) | Permalink