Monday, September 27, 2010

Makes no difference!

So I have this horrible flare up where my bowls are so swollen that it hurts to even move.... ugh this day is gonna be long. I have had this problem for a few days now and I wish I would just go into remission now. Maybe it's all this stess? Who knows. It's just a super pain in the ass. (somewhat literally!) but anyways, how have you been my dear friends? I noticed that my comments yesterday went up to like 11! I was like wow.... flashback to the popular myotaku days!!! I miss those so much. Who knows maybe it will get like that someday. The only problem is, most people would rather make short little sentenses about their life then actually blog it. Isn't that why MySpace, FAcebook, and Twitter kind of defeat the purpose of blogging and letting people know whats going on in life? Who knows. I myself have a facebook but I deleted my freaking myspace. That thing was a serious problem because so many kids fought on there and so many people were just trashy. I went onto facebook and it was waaaaay better that myspace. haha but no offense to those who may use myspace. Not everyone is bad on there. Just the majority of people made it a bad experience. blah! So, I finally no longer work with Walmart. I'm really sad about that but relieved at the same time. Israel and I are going to take off on a vacation next week so that will be fun! I can't remember the last time I actually had a Saturday and Sunday off. (thats like a year ago) and so I think it will be nice. But I need to job hunt ASAP!!!! I feel so boke and empty without a job. Ugh... Seriously need one nooooow! This morning I woke up with a seriously bad dream. Israel left me all alone with no job and no money and he wasnt coming back. I amost woke up in tears but then I stopped because Israel was holding me close when I woke up. So I was like OMG thank goodness it was just a dream. I hope all of you are doing well and having a great week. As for me, it's not so bad at all.^_^ But I am going to take my leave. I will be back to comment more on some posts. My class starts now. See you all soon!

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HEY!!!

Okay so I am really really really tired!!!! I had to get up really early today to go to school because Israel had to be at work at like six in the morning!!!! Meaning that I have to get up at like four thirty in the morning to sit at school at five so Israel can be at work on time. I don't want him to be late because we cant afford to have him lose his job. That saying, I only have like four days left at Wal-Mart. I'm a little depressed but I am actually looking forward to a short break from Wal-Mart. I hope to get a new job soon. Being unemployed really doesn't sound catchy to my ears. But either way I need a break. Israel and I had a good day yesterday. Everything is almost back to normal and well, that relieves me. I think I'm going to go to the gym and start working out. I noticed that I am gaining a little weight. Israel feeds me like crazy when he can. He knows that when I used to live with my mom I didn't eat so much. I feel much more healthy now that I am living with Israel. Despite all the fights, I'm doing very well. ^_^ So how are you my friends? I hope you guys are doing well. Oh shit! My mom is right behind me. She is hassling me for my pay stubs so she can get fucking benefits off my name. I want her to leave me alone. Now. I'm gonna get the hell out of here

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OMG it's cold

Things have gotten much better however, Israel still gets on me about the whole situation that happened a few nights ago. Thanks for all your comments and your concerns. I myself am getting concerned about this. And I'm sure you are all confused about everything that's going on. The reason why Israel gets so upset with things like that is because he expects people to show the same actions and feelings as he does. He thinks that people who flirt with me or just make weird mistakes are only trying to get in the way with us. Even though I really do not see things in that light, I am going to have to try. I want to be with him and I really do love him. But yes, he does expect me to delete friends who make passes at me because he says once a friend asks you out or hits on you, that friend has no more interest in just being friends and he feels like I am leaving my opportunities open to leave him all alone and go on with someone else. Now, the reason why he feels like this, I am not so sure in some ways but I feel like maybe he is afraid of my past repeating itself with him. All through my young teenage years I have had lots of boyfriends and I would leave one to go with another and Israel knew all of this, but I never cheated until I was stuck with this one guy and I tried to break up but he kept laughing at me every time I tried too. (long story. Maybe one day I will fill you in) But Israel knows my past and I feel as if maybe he is afraid of me.... I have changed so much since 17 and I can honestly say I want to be with Israel and only him. Israel and I talked about how we felt about everything and we made up but he still feels hurt about the message. I am just glad we talked about everything though. Last night he asked me why I loved him so much. He wasn't testing my answer but he was asking me for real. He said: "Brittany? Why do you love me so much? Why do you put up with me and all my bullshit?" I answered him "Because that's what real love is and you are the one I want to be with". I think things are going to get better but our fights are so loud and scary but no worries, he doesn't ever go to strike me. He gets mad but he leaves and when he hears me cry he runs back to be with me.... It hurts when we fight and my goodness it makes me cry so bad. Israel tells me he is trying to work on his shirt temper with things. He normally wouldn't actually try to change himself. For all I've known from Israel was that he was set in stone. He told me he wants to try and change because I'm the only person he has ever really loved. Ugh this whole situation is just confusing..... But I will get through it. I'm at school right now. My class doesn't start for another hour. My first class of the day. YAY! Today, I got my first espresso coffee! lol It's white chocolate mocha on ice. I guess that's what it's called. At first when I took a sip it tasted like total dirt but then I realized that the white chocolate was not stirred well and then once it was all mixed together it tasted great! lol I've never been a coffee drinker and I don't think I will ever become one but having one of these is nice once in a while. lol I think today is going to be a good day. However it will be a long day. I'm gonna study on all my breaks and when I get home to the apartment I am going to clean my room! Israel is so unorganized. lol I always clean the room and it gets messy the very next day! But it's okay. I love him anyway. I cleaned the kitchen immaculate last night. Israel and Kyle made a huge mess in there and no one was even willing to clean it! OMG. So I did and it's a better job than they ever would have done. LOL I have so many errands to run this week. Get my social security card replaced, pay for a car that me and Israel are getting and then,go to the hospital with my friend to see if she is pregnant and study for tests. I know more crap will pop up soon but those are first priorities. Well, I'm gonna get going now. Thanks for listening to me and giving me great advice and consoling words. You guys mean so much to me. I hope I answered all your questions about me and Israel. If not let me know! I'm gonna go and comment and read your wonderful posts now. Take care my friends

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Hear my Prayer

Well, I think my mind is totally gone right now. Israel and I had a huge fight last night about messages in my facebook inbox. It was a month ago when I told you that my friend said I was attractive and I was totally weirded out by it? I never deleted the messages and Israel went through them and he said I was disrespecting our relationship because I didn't tell the guy off and delete him as a friend. I clearly told the guy that I have a boyfriend andthat nothing will ever happen but Israel didn't take that at all. He says he has no trust for me whatsoever because he said I am basically cheating on him by allowing it to happen and that if he sees this happen again he is going to leave me. Honestly..... I don't know what to think of this. He told me to fuck off and left me last night. He came back and we talked and he still was upset. He wouldnt get close to me and I asked him why. He said it just doesn't feel right anymore. This morning he was nicer and we hugged and kissed but when he dropped me off at schoola dnI went to hug him, he pulled away and said "You don't want people to know you have a boyfriend." He drove off and sent a message saying "Stop looking for an easy answer. you fucked us up. fix it." I am so hurt because I feel he went way out of proportion with this whole situation. Kyle (the other roomate) doesn't see what is really so wrong but Israel has high standards and being with him is not easy but I love him so much. I don't know what is going to happen now. Israel says he loves me and that is why he didn't leave me last night....... I want to die. I am at school right now, I should be writing up my volleyball report but I just needed to vent and talk about this with someone at least. I'm so very very sad right now..... What is leaving home was a big big mistake? What if Israel just gets tired of me and leaves? I will have no where to go. Oh God..... I pray to God that everything just blows over....

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Life will sort itse;f out with a little effort. Right? RIGHT?

Sitting at school and I can't stop thinking about how much my life is about to change. Living with Israel, well, I have to say it's very new and somewhat a challenge. One, Well, sleeping in the same bed can get a little difficult. He likes to sleep cuddled against someone while I like to sleep away from everything cause every move and noise wakes me up. So he gets mad at me for that. He thinks that subconsciously I don't want to be around him. And that is totally BS! But oh well. I am getting some sleep now that I am getting used to everything. The Apartment is lovely though. Kyle and Israel say I am making the house a home. I can't wait for October. The second reason why I feel like everything is a challenge is because well, I miss my family and everything that I am used too. I wish I could talk to them again but I know right now isn't a good time. I just wish my mother understood and didn't hate hate me now. I hope things will get better. Third, well, getting back and fourth to work is hard because I am an hour away and on a motorcycle. I just put in my two weeks notice with Wal-Mart and well, I am so sad. I couldn't get that transfer so now I am going to try as a new hire instead. Maybe Lord will grant me that? All in all, I just have to get used to everything here. Work with everything that I have and stop worrying about everything I lost, (though I miss my Snoopy and Tessa) Maybe I will see them again someday. Maybe Brieanna (my sister), TJ (my brother) and my mom will all want to talk to me again too. I don't really want to go home and live but I do want to see everyone again. One day it will happen I hope. But now Autumn is here and I am happy. This will be the first year i don't spend the Holidays with my family. That makes me depressed actually but kind of excited because now I can travel and visit friends on the holidays. Life is changing and it hurts but it feels so good! Thank you for supporting me friends. you mean so much to me and I am so thankful that you are here to listen. I am sorry I haven't been around as much as I would like too. School, work, and the whole situation that I am living with is making things a little difficult for me. Thank you so much for understanding. I hope the problems that you are dealing with also are starting to alleviate. Life is tough and like GM said, no one promised life to be easy. lol Let's just grab our weapon on choice and kick life in the butt together! Please rake care my friends. Be safe!!!!

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Wishing on that shooting star.

Well, I think I did the worst thing possible. Or maybe the best thing? Well either way I don't feel to happy and I have to go far away and never look back. So, while I was away let me tell you avout what has happened to me in my life. Well, first things first, my new friend Shannon invited me to a cookout with her and her family at her apartment that she stays at with her boyfriend. Well, I went and it was fun and all but I didn't want to go back home that day. I wanted to spend the night with my boyfriend and come home Tuesday morning. Well, my mom called me and she was making me feel so bad for that and she said tha I need to move out because I am neglecting my duties to my family. So, I told Israel that I want to move in now. And so I did. The details to that I must leave out because now my mom wants to charge me and Israel with breaking and entering and theft. I only took my things. Not theirs. I lost all my jewlry and my DS and games. I even lost my family. My mom said she talked to all my managers at work to let them know what I did. I am indeed a little pissed off but I don't know if she actually did that or not. If so that would suck because I don't get paid this week and I will have to work another week to get my paycheck. Well actually just this weekend. I am going to put in my two weeks notice on Monday and hopefully maybe, I get a transfer to another Wal-Mart in time. If not,it is job hunting time. Okay so these computers that I am on don't let me comment on your posts. I read them though!!!! It just wont let me freaking post a comment. I will comment as soon as I get my laptop working. (my mom stole my charger and ran it dead) So I gotta fix that. Please if you could give me any helpful advice I would really apprectiate it. I can't stand the way I feel. My mother is so mad and sad and I belive she feels betrayed. I can't help what i did. I can't change it but I still love her and want to be with her but you see, right now it wont work. My whole family hates me and I can't stand this. Israel says he will always be here for me and I love him so much. I just hope it all does work out. Take care my friends

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Hey everyone. Sorry I haven't been around as much as I would like. I have been very busy with school and work and well, my boyfriend. I'm not ignoring you guys at all but getting to the internet is a struggle at times. I promise I will be back soon to comment on all your wonderful eventful posts. Please take care my friends. I miss you!

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You are the only exception

Well, my friends, my mother has had the last straw with me I guess. i'm spending today and tomorrow with my love, Israel and she told me to get out. She said I was selfish for choosing him over my education and my family. But the problem is, I am at school, he said he doesn't want me skipping classes and I certainly don't want to choose him over my family. I just didn't get to see him on his birthday and I don't see the problem of staying with him for two nights. She started a fight with me but she let me go out cause she said she needed my paycheck and she cant have me moving out just yet. This is so stressful. On top of that I got a flare up so my insides are all messed up. I guess that's the price I pay for not being able to manage stress. Having Ulcerative colitis sucks. I never thought I would have an auto-immune disease but darn.... life is so unexpected. But I took my meds so maybe my intestines will calm the heck down. lol So my wonderful friends how have you been? I've been doing pretty well. I'm kind of tired but I am also really happy because I'm with Israel and when I am with him things that seem tough become simple and life is just better. School has been good today. I got to play Volleyball and practice. I want to become really good though. I am going to buy a volleyball and start practicing because I want to join the volleyball team that is offered here at HCC. I wonder if I could make it? I want to be apart of something good and I think sports would be awesome. And it would help me over power my disease. Have you ever wanted to be apart of something big? Or something around a close knit set of people? I have always to be apart of it but I always felt like I wasn't good enough to be apart of something really awesome. But now I'm changing all those thoughts I embedded into my mind. All this rebelling against my mother has made me stronger and I gained some self-esteem. After my father ran off, my family life has gotten easier but because I'm the child of my father and not my sister or brother's dad (which he isn't around either) I get treated like my father now. My dad wasn't a really great person but why do I have to get the brunt of it all now that he ran off? Maybe it's because she knows I'm going to run off too. But I am nothing like my father. Thanks BritLaw. lol yeah I love Astrology/Astronomy too but I keep it to myself around Israel because he is a very faithful Christian and sometimes he gets an attitude with things like that when I bring it up. lol But it's ok. I believe in that stuff!!! Thanks everyone for the nice comments. I haven't really been able to get on here to much because I work four days a week and study seven days a week. Well more like five. But still. Anyways, I am going to stop writing now and I will write back again on Wednesday. Israel doesn't have internet at our apartment yet. *giggles* Please take care my wonderful friends. I will go and read and comment on your sites soon! Bye Bye!

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   Can you dim the lights?

Okay, so today hasn't really started but I just know it's not going to be the best day. I have to work tonight around 5:30 p.m. and I get out at 10:00 p.m. so it's gonna be a late night. Then I work tomorrow from 11:30 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. And the worst part is that it's Israel's birthday. ugh so I wont see him on his birthday and if I do it will be a late night again. which I don't want because on Sunday I work from 9:30 a.m. to 6:30 a.m. Oh darn it! It's okay though because I will be spending a few days over at Israel's apartment. he will take me to school and he does have to work but hey at least we get to spend time together. I do have to concentrate on my studies though. No worries on that though. I can do that with no problem. I enrolled myself in the online Microbiology software for my class and now I just have to figure out the math website. It wont let me log on. SO I probably have to self enroll but I cannot seem to figure it out. All my teachers are pretty wonderful so far. I still need to meet two more but their classes don't start for another few days. I think those will be my female teachers. lol I know it's weird to mention that but so far all my teachers are male. Which is okay sometimes because guy teachers are really funny sometimes as female teachers are sweet and easy to approach. I hope my other teachers I haven't met yet are wonderful too. So has anyone else started their classes or high school yet? Tell me how it's going please? What is it like being in your senior year, first semester, or returning back to college? I hope it is a wonderful experience like mine was. I was meeting new people and I seen a former classmate too. We had English Comp 1 together and it was really nice to see her again. ^_^ yup! Life is going well besides the constant fighting with my mother. Anyways, I guess i don't really have much to do today. I'm gonna start making notes for math class. I'm going to upload the syllabus and get started on some of the homework. Hopefully it wont be too difficult. Thanks for the comments on my last post. you guys are so sweet. ^_^ BritLaw thanks for the compliment. I'm waiting for you to post again so I can see whats new in your world. lol Raisha, I'm glad you stopped by to say hey. I will go and read your post as soon as I get the chance. CrystalFlute, you are still sweet as ever. Corn and A13, lol thanks for the reassurance. lol I felt kind of bad when I ws thinking in my mind "where were you all this time." lol Other than that, I will take my leave for the day. I will try my best to get back to the myotaku sooner. If not, then I will see you wonderful people again on Monday when I go back to school. (they have free WiFi there so it's faster than my dial up) Take care everyone!

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I love you always forever

So today I had my classes and hopefully all goes well with my math class. My microbiology professor is pretty awesome! (but he is so cute too. lol I'm so weird) I know I am in love with Israel but hey it's okay to think someone is cute. ^^ Just don't tell Israel. He gets jealous. Other than that, an old friend of mine confessed that he always felt physically attracted to me. I thought that was a little weird but oh well. lol I was a little freaked but eh life goes on. I'm in love with Israel. My American History class does not start until September 13th and my Microbiology Lab class doesn't start until September 1st so I guess I have a little ways to go before I get to all my classes. So I noticed that everyone has been going through issues big and small whether it deals with love, a job, being super busy, complicated feelings, lack of sleep, confusion or whatever else you may be going through. I was looking for a song to give to you guys to listen to. I found one on youtube. I don't know the origins but still. So this is what I want you to do (if it is possible). 1. Close your door. 2. Take a deep breath. 3. Turn up the volume 4. Turn on the song. 5. Let it all just go. I don't know how you all feel about this song.It's a little strange on the collaboration but the message is still good. lol ^_^ I picked this song for you guys to let you know that it's all going to be okay and that we all go through hard times even they are not as big as the person next to you, I want you to all know that you are just as important as that person or anyone else. You are all amazing! Well, I am going to get going now. Oh and I wanted to show you a picture that I took of my favorite tree in my backyard!!! Here you go! Take care my friends. lol

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