Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Ash Like Snow.....

Hey there everyone!!! How are you? I am at the campus now. Me and my sister found all of our classes and we actually had fun together. i bought me and her some breakfast. I think she liked it however she never said thank you at all..... Oh well. I feel good that I did something nice for her. We both got our books too. Well I got my books. None of her books were even in stock so she has to call or come back later. Now I am in the student lounger and people are crowded in here but I found myself a good spot to set up my laptop and just relax. I don't have classes today but I wanted to get things done before tomorrow. It was pouring very badly so I just came here to chill. Well, I am officially back at school and I am very happy. I miss Israel though. I haven't seen him for a little but but I know I will see him again soon. I will probably go to his house again tomorrow or next week. I'm still waiting for my transfer to the other Wal-Mart. I made my decision to move out no matter what risk I may be taking. What is life if there is no risk in it at all? Thank you for all your advice and thoughts. They helped out a lot and you guys gave me the courage to keep thinking forward and not fall behind. You see in the beginning people get so brave when it's talk. But once the action takes place sometimes.... I lose my bravery. But not this time. I'm keeping it and I am going to make my change. Thank you so much for helping me keep my bravery. ^_^ I hope your days are going well too. ^_^ I will post and read posts sometime soon if not today. Take care my wonderful friends. Oh and before I go, I am going to post the pictures of those dresses. And this is me and Israel together!!!

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   Just want to hear you say it

Hello everyone! Today is a sleepy relaxing day. Lol well sort of. Everyone else is sleeping while I am cleaning up the house a bit. Usually when I work late nights or go out with friends or my boyfriend, my mom , sister (if she isn’t working) and brother don’t clean up after themselves too much. It is kind of annoying because if I do go out for a night and spend the night at my friends or boyfriends house when I come home they are mad because they say I am abandoning my household duties and whatnot. That seriously gets on my nerves because they act like I never come home or clean!!!! Well, I was talking about moving out with my boyfriend to one of my friends and he says to not move out with Israel because people change a lot when they live together. He is stressing to me that things may not work out and that I will be stuck in a bad position and he has been through it before. You see, he was with this girl for 5 years and when they moved in together, he bought her a car and paid all the bills while eventually she got bored and cheated on him and left him in debt all alone. I feel bad for him and I know that whenever it comes to relationships there is always a risk of something not working out…. This does have me a little worried though. No I’m thinking…. What if this doesn’t work out?” So crap!!! No doubts Brittany! No doubts. I just need to think positively and everything should work out ok. Yesterday I went to work all night and I had a good time. Everyone was friendly (except for Stella who seemed to have something troubling her) and talkative. It went somewhat slow but it was ok. During my lunch hour Israel came by to see me. He rode his motorcycle through the rain and when I seen him he was soaking wet! I was a little worried and concerned because he could have gotten hurt. It was storming really bad here and even though I was so happy to see him I was a little bit upset at his poor decision making skills. Lol What else, what else, Oh! Classes start tomorrow at HCC and well, Mine don’t start until Wednesday but tomorrow I am going to find out where my classes are and buy my books. I’m so excited!!!! Also, while I will be going to school I will be spending nights over at Israel’s house too! I’m happy. Thank goodness!!! I am really happy that Fall is almost here. Once September hits, I will be a happy girl. September through November are the best months of the year for me. I don’t really know why but they just are. What is your favorite month? Season? Holiday? Anyway, I gotta get going now. Going to call Wal-Mart and try to make my transfer get on the roll! Then I will probably see Israel tonight and make dinner and then go to bed early and wake up to go to school! YAY! I hope you’re days will be going well too. If I don’t post for while it is because I am very busy and working and studying. But I will not forget you guys and I will be sure to read and comment on you’re posts. Just please don’t forget me!

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Well, I think I love him!

To all my friends.... I have hd the most amazing day of my life yesterday!!! I couldn't wait to get on here to tell all of you. ^_^ Okay so Thursday I ended up working very late like until ten thirty and Israel wanted to take me to our apartment to show me around and get his friend used to seeing me there since I will be moving in soon. But the thing was, he picked me up on his Motorcycle. I was so so so nervous because I have never rode on one and I knew we had to get onto the Interstate. But riding with him was so exciting and amazing! Once we got to the apartment I stayed the night and we had so much fun just talking and then we fell asleep together. lol It was such a new experience for me t o stay the night with someone I love like that. We got up around nine in the morning on Friday and he took me out to eat for breakfast. It was sweet and then we had to go to the library to check his pay stubs online but the computers were dumb and so we had to go to Home Depot (where he works to get them. But before then, he took me to Ross and bought me two beautiful dresses and matching shoes to go with them. (He is spoiling me so much) I will post pictures of the dresses later one day. But he said that he wants me to have something pretty to wear cause he is going to take me out somewhere nice one day soon. He is so sweet. Then we went back home and we walked around the apartments and we talked about things like the future and when we buy our own home and start a family. I am so excited! Now, I am back home and well, somewhat sad because my mom said that I shouldn't be gone all day with my boyfriend because I need to watch after the house and my brother. None of the chores were done and well, my sister was mad because I went out and she said it wasn't fair that she has to do chores and work (when I do it all the time) I guess no one was used to me being gone. Oh well. I really don't care to much anymore because soon I will be gone. Monday I'm going to call Wal-mart about my transfer and get my job on the roll! lol So, How are you my friends? did you have a good few days? I really hope so. There is a storm coming this was towards my house. The thunder just cracked! I don't like lightning at all. lol But I do however, love the rain! I hope the weather is just perfect for you my friends, where ever you are. ^_^ Oh and thank you for the advice on my last post. I'm gonna get going and get ready for work. I work from three to eleven today so its gonna be a long long night. Oh well. It's something to do I suppose. Take my friends. I hope to hear from you all soon!

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Still making the plans.....

Hello everyone! It's early today and well, I just thought I would post before I am unable too. I work all night until 10:30 p.m. and I am going to spend the night at our apartment before I go back home. Israel's friend Kyle is also living at the apartment and Israel wants Kyle to get used to me before I move in suddenly. I think it's perfect once I move in we will have three incomes to put together and save up for things. Even though the rent is kind of high it's still a nice place to live. I'm getting so excited just thinking about it. Thank you for the comments yesterday. ^_^ BritLaw, no worries about moving out. I see that you are 19 too? It's okay if you still want to live at home. If things were better here at my home I would love to stay but because they aren't I have to take this initiative and go... However, it really does hurt to go. I'm going to miss my sister, brother, my dogs and my mother.... I hate to know I am causing so much sadness and when I go I cannot think about the tears that my mother will make once she finds out that I have gone far away from her.... But anyway, I cannot think about that. Around 11:00 a.m. I have to call the Wal-Mart in Tampa and speak to the store manager Nigel? I believe and talk to him about a transfer. I really hope he is willing to hire me! I want to work there so bad. It's close and it's a small Wal-Mart so I feel as if working there will be much nicer than the Supercenter. I seen that Wal-Mart and it's such a wonderful small one. It may not be a new looking one but it's quaint. As long as I am with my boyfriend it wont matter. School starts next Wednesday and I am so excited. It's in Dale Mabry so I know I have to start getting up early. Hopefully by mid September I will be already living with Israel and it will be easy to hop a bus to the campus. Living in Tampa is going to be so easy! I cannot wait. Thank you CrystalFlute and BritLaw. You ladies are so encouraging and it helps to know that some people out there don't think I am a complete fool to leave home with a boyfriend. I am a little nervous but leaving is the right thing to do. So I will be playing songs every post to the steps I will be going to move out. That's the best way I can show you my feelings on this situation. Through music is how I show emotion. However I don't know if this video works lol Anyway, I hope you all are doing well and having a good day. I noticed the MyOtaku has been kind of desolate but maybe everyone is just busy. I hope you all are doing well luvs. Please take care of yourselves and know that you are all so wonderful. ^_^

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So tired of waiting

Well, I finally got some time to post on here. Benn really busy all morning packing my boxes and cleaning my room out. My mother doesn't really know that I am planning on moving out but I will tell her soon. I feel really sad about leaving my mother but I really feel as if I should go and start my own life. I want it to be with Israel so much though. Israel keeps telling me I need to come back home with him and I feel as if my home is there in Tampa. I can't move over there until I have a job in Tampa first. I don't want to be the one just sitting around doing nothing. I need to pay some bills there. I requested a transfer to the Wal-Mart near our apartment but bad news is: The store manager is out for a funeral. So, that means I must wait a few days. The manager said that he should be back on Thursday so I will call back that day. I need to let them know I am available for hiring but I don't know if they will take me. I pray to the good lord that they will transfer me. Once I get the transfer I can get away from here. It's really hard to think about leaving when my mother is being so nice to me. I am trying so hard not to have second thoughts because I know she will always be mean to me and maybe if I go, she will want to be friends more. I know she needs my paycheck because I am like the one who makes the most money and she doesn't work. But my sister does. I really feel lost though. I just know I am going to move out with Israel. I need to grow and live my life. Some people say I am too young to feel that way. (I am 19 years old) and some say it's great that I want to live my life on my own....... What do you think? I noticed that not a lot of people have been updating too much. GoodMonkey hasn't been on and I noticed some other friends haven't been here either. I hope everyone is doing well and having fun or just staying busy. I miss you guys and I miss you too CrystalFlute! lol So, It's almost Fall and I cannot wait. Summer has taken forever to end and well, I am hoping for an amazing cool Fall. Please take care my wonderful friends. thank you for all your help, kind words, advice and well your friendship!!!

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Busy morning, late night

A very busy day today! lol How is everyone? I hope you are all doing well. I noticed not many people have been on this week. Didn't get to many comments. I hope you all are doing very well though and staying busy and happy. ^_^ Today Has been a busy day. I've been by myself cause my mother and brother went to Adventure Island and when I woke up no one was here. (I figure that is where they went. They always do that) and Israel called me once he got back from a meeting with his work. I talked to him and then I packed some of my things to move and cleaned the house (because no one here has swept, washed dishes or cleaned the bathrooms) While I have been out and at work, so I took the initiative to do it myself. It's peaceful now and I have time to do my computer errands today. Two days ago, Israel took me to his new apartment, well, actually our apartment and it is really really really nice. I thought it would be kinda crappy since it's in Tampa and next to the Ghetto but it's in the middle class area and it's wonderful and very safe. He says he only wants the best and he doesn't want me in a bad area. I love him so much. I'm going to be moving in once I get a job out there in Tampa. I don't know what my mother will say about this. She already hates Israel because she knows I want to be with him.... She hates anyone who wants to take me away from here. I have only had one previous boyfriend that I fell in love with but I was young and stupid at the time and didn't know how to handle it. Now I feel ready for something long-term and I am really in love with Israel. He is amazing. lol That night once he dropped me off though, he got into an accident right up the street, Three girls drinking and driving clipped Israel's car and he wasn't hurt at all and neither was his car but the girls went head on into an on coming Mustang and his car blew up! The man in the Mustang was fine but the girls were not. Everyone was trying to say Israel was Speeding but the cops knew by his damage that he was barely pulled out from the stop sign and the girls headlights were off so Israel couldn't see them at all!!!! My neighbors don't like my family so they were totally against Israel and it was annoying. But now, Israel is fine but my mom doesn't want him around at her home anymore so I guess that means I just gotta move out faster? lol Anyway, today i am gonna go on Facebook, read MyO posts ad comment and finish my letter to Raisha. I hope you all have a wonderful day and I miss all of those friends that I haven't heard from in a while. Take care loves!

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   I just end up getting......

Hello, everyone how are you? I’m doing pretty well now. Yesterday was good because my mom finally calmed down and I spent the day just relaxed. Then I went grocery shopping and I had lots of fun doing that. Shopping always makes me feel better. I really don’t know why though. Lol maybe it’s just spending money or thinking about all the food I’m going to cook. Once I got home Israel came over to my house which was an amazing surprise!!!! He told me he wanted to take me somewhere and he took me out to eat at Applebee’s. I thought that was so sweet too because he knows how stressed I have been so he wanted to make me happy by spoiling me again. Lol He gave me a digital camera too. It’s really nice. He says he wants to start taking pictures of me and him together so do you know what that means??? BUM BUM BUUUUM I am so posting pictures on here now!!! I never had my own camera before so it is pretty cool to be able to take pictures whenever I want. I hate asking my sister to let me use her camera. It doesn’t work so well for some reason (and it’s nicer than this camera too) so I don’t like being very responsible for her things. You can understand I’m sure. Lol My mother apologized for trying to break my computer. She felt bad because she thought it really did break and she knows how important this laptop is for college. Without this baby I would DIE!!!!! This computer helps me out so much that I probably am addicted to it. Whenever I need fast access at school, I got my little Laptop here. Lol It’s a Gateway computer and boy does she know how to take a punch. Lol It’s very sturdy and I love the Gateway brand. Our first desktop computer in 1996 was a Gateway and it lasted for a long time and then it got stolen… but then we got another gateway and it lasted a long time until it got struck by lightning….. This one I am trying to take very very good care of but when people are punching her and throwing her around, it really takes away the life of the computer. Thank you for all of your kind and sweet words yesterday. It really made me feel better. I don’t believe what my mother says is true but t just really gets to me when she says it publically and in front of my siblings. Israel knows what kind of things she does so I don’t think he will go away. He is look for an apartment for me and him and he will have one by the end of this month. School starts next week so I know I will be up in Tampa with him too. the only bad thing is that Israel is having car trouble and it’s getting pretty pricey. I know he works and makes good money but still I know he doesn’t have a lot of it so I really hope he can handle this. I don’t want him to keep taking me out buying me dinner when he needs to fix his car but he won’t take no for an answer…. He says he has missed way to much while he was gone. I know he wants to make me happy but…. I don’t want him to go broke. I love him way too much. Today I had to work and well, it was no fun. My throat still kind of hurts and I was irritated today. I almost got an attitude with a customer because she was being way to demanding. I stopped myself because I don’t want to take anything out on anyone but still I was somewhat shocked at myself. I don’t know what has gotten into me today. I need to take a nice hot bubble bath… I feel happier though because my mother chilled out and Israel still loves me but I think inside I am really hurting…. I don’t know why… Have you ever felt that way before? It’s downright aggravating!!! So, I noticed that tonight isn’t much of a posting night. I really hope that once the school semester starts everyone will still be able to get onto the Myotaku. I will really miss everyone who can’t get on as much…. Cause then everyone will lose touch!!! I’m kinda scared of that…. But hey, I think we will all be friends forever anyways. *huggles everyone* Anyway, I got to go now and take my medicine and talk to Israel. I will read posts and comment on the ones who updated today. Not many did though…. Take care of all of my wonderful friends. You guys mean so much to me. Never forget that. ^_^ Just ignore the names and pretend it’s us! lol

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I want to be pushed aside

Oh what a horrible day I had yesterday. I caught a flu and I was bed ridden. Had to call out from work, and my mother tried to destroy my laptop!!!! She started a fight in the morning and it went like this: I am on the computer on the Myotaku and TheOtaku reading posts and commenting. She comes in to look at what I am doing and looks at me and says that I am addicted to the computer and everything I get. She told me that I am addicted to dick (meaning boys) and my computer. I got mad at her and told her to go away and she busted the top of my computer with her hand. The screens went all fuzzy and it wouldn't work. You see I bought this computer with my own money and it's not her right at all to destroy or take it away from me. I buy everything on my own and she still says it is hers because it's in her home. I got mad and she started to yell and hit me. I threw a screwdriver at her because she kept hurting me and saying disgusting things about me in front of my younger sister and brother. She called me a whore and that everyone who talks bad about me is right and that I have sex to get gifts from men (that made me mad because I buy all my things with money I save when I work). I never have sex to get things. Just because Israel bought me gifts before did not mean I had sex to get them. She is such a bitch. Then she told me I need to ask for forgiveness for the way I talk to her. She says I bully her and say filthy things to her. That got me mad because I don't do that to my mother until she pushes me off the edge. Then I say things. I don't know if I am actually starting to hate my mother or not. I don't wish her dead or bad things upon her. I just wish I could leave and never ever see her again. This feeling pains me deeply. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am starting to become very depressed and she is hurting me. I am afraid she will try to make Israel not love me anymore. She may tell him lies about me or say things about my past that I do not wish to share to anyone. It hurts and it scares me. I HATE THESE FEELINGS!!!!! I don't want to depress all of you so I will just go now.... I hope you all are doing wonderful. I know that soon I will snap out of this depression so you guys wont have to deal with it anymore. I do apologize because this is supposed to be my home away from home where I can be happy and chipper but for now.... I'm just so sad and I can't help to be so angry.

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Where are the cameras????

First, I would like to apologize to all my wonderful MyOtaku friends for my long absence. You see, a lot has happened since my last post. Let me explain: Well, a few days ago Israel was telling me that he had to go to a city far off in North Carolina and he wont be able to talk on the phone but just text a little bit. We texted all day long and then he told me he wanted to talk to me a long talk that night alone. I asked him way and he said it was important. He told me to go into my garage so no one will be aqble to distract what he needs to say to me. So I go down there and I wait. He calls me and he has nothing to really say. He says that he needs to go for just a minute. I wait for five and I hear a knock at the door. So, I open the door and Israel was standing right there. I was shocked. We both ran to each other and hugged and kissed so close. I felt so shocked and so excited and so overwhelmed with happiness!!!! You see, he told me that he was going to be back in Florida on the 18th of August and apparently, he was really supposed to start work on the 10th so they left a few days before hand. (him and his friend that is). I have been spending alot of time with Israel the past few days and that is why I haven't been on here. Please forgive me. I didn't realize how much time has passed. There are a few negatives now that Israel is here. My mother keeps yelling and wanting to fight with me. I guess because he is Hispanic she automatically thinks a ghetto gangster. She called him a drug dealer for heaven's sake!!!!! He doesn't like it that she does this and she calls me whit trash because I don't usually date white men. I guess my mother really is a racist. My mother hates my grandma (her mother) because she married a black man. So I guess I have to live through this too.... But I really don't care about race or ethnicity. I am an open person and I never look on the outer layer of a person. It's what I don't he inside, how pure the heart is, how much the other one loves and respects you that matters most. Not what their skin looks like. Or what race they are. It really gets to me a lot. Israel and I are planning on getting a place together soon. My mother says if I move out I will fail in life and in college. I wont let that happen! No way!!! I can do things on my own. I swear. I would never let anything get between me and my education but living at home is so hard to do. My mother is not an easy person to be around so I think it is best that I leave soon. Now, how are all of you today? As you can see I am doing very well but how are you all? I will comment and read your posts today once I get the chance. I work until ten at night so tomorrow I will be able to post and comment again too! Thanks for all the comments on my last post. It was interesting reading all your opinions. Pretty cool! And thank goodness I hear from CrystalFlute! I was getting pretty worried. Today I wondered if she was ever going to come back and talk again!!! Well, I don't know what else to say. lol I'm so happy that Israel is back home with me and that school is starting very soon. I changed my schedule to better suite my school hours and now I am all set for the year!!!! Goodness I am so happy!!! Not even my mother can stop me from being this happy. She tried this morning and it so didn't work!!! Haha But now I have to go do dishes before my mother comes back home!!! I will post again tomorrow! I missed you all!!!

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Ever wonder why?

Hey everyone, how are you? I'm doing well today. I'm just enjoying my day off from work. I don't really want to go to work tomorrow but I know I have too. Darn these stupid grown-up responsibilities. I actually prefer to work and go to college than to be in high school. I had no freedom when I was in high school. I had to do everything my mom said and I was never aloud to hang out with friends. At least now because I have to give her my whole paycheck, then I get to go out sometimes. Ugh I just want to leave home so bad though. Today I have a gloomy feeling for no reason. It's strange. I feel okay but I feel so sad too. It's weird but I don't know what it is. I guess maybe I'm just a little depressed. I still have a light flare up but I think tomorrow I will go back into remission. I am taking all my medicine like I should but apparently, no matter what, I will always get sick. even if I take care of myself.... It feels useless but I pray every night that God will keep me safe from this disease. I think today, I will do some stretches and get back into that habit. I sort of stopped because I was working and I was tired after work. But now I changed my availability because my first class starts August 25th!!!! Oh I cannot wait. I love school so much! I don't know what I would do without it. Oh Oh which reminds me: Yesterday, I was checking out and a lady with her children were buying school supplies and the youngest girl who had to be at least 13 years old mumbled "I hate school so much. It sucks." This question popped into my mind: Why do American children hate school so much? I was thinking of some possibilities like maybe it's because school has turned into a popularity game and a social activity that most people have a hard time participating in or maybe children just have bad habits of not wanting to exercise their brain but the answer that I think really works is that Children are made to go to school and it's free and given to them without any hardships. If school was taken away from us and we had to grow up working our whole lives and denied the right to educate ourselves children may want to go to school and become something other than a common person. I was denied the right to go to school by my mother. She kept me home as a "home schooled" child and I had to work and do chores, become a maid for other people and raise my little brother while my mother was gone. I was unable to really learn and be in a school like every other American child could. I begged my mother to let me go but she said no and that I was not ready yet. I was home schooled from 6th grade to 10th grade. And with that time I taught myself everything I know. Me and my sister blew our school teachers away. We both graduated high school with 4.0 GPAs. It could have been higher if I actually went to school all four years. And now I am in college and I wont ever give up school. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't a student.... But I think that is why most children hate school. Do you have any ideas as to why? Anyway, I am gonna get going now. I gots things to do. Some dishes, sweeping, and talking to my amazing boyfriend. Thank you all for your wonderful comments. I will read and comment on you guys later too! Don't worry. LUV YA!

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