(If you haven't read yesterday's post please read in order to understand what's happening in the post. Thank you).Today started off good. Well, it was great actually. Last night I called Israel around ten and he didn't answer. He calls back three minutes later because I don't leave a message or text him or call back again. (I knew that would get his attention somehow) Once I answer he asks me a question. " Do you really want to be with me?" I say yes and he says "Why the Hell would you even mute your phone?" Honestly, I really don't know what his problem is. I understand now he has trust issue but I don't know why he does with me. I have never lied to him ever and he knows that. He apparently doesn't understand why I would mute the phone if I wasn't doing anything so important.... So we talked and he said he loves me and he doesn't want to break up. But he said the me and him are totally two different people and he knows that the way each of us think really don't match up the same. But He says he doesn't care and he loves me anyway. This morning we talked on the phone for a few hours. I still don't know what is wrong with Israel. Maybe it's distance?
I do have to answer a few questions as to why Israel may have trust issues with me. Many people (who I don't even know) tell him how I am going to cheat on him every chance i can get. they say I am a whore, a cheater, player, bitch, rotten liar, whatever you can guess. It all stems back to a rumor that started with an ex boyfriend of mine when I was 15 years old. I didn't want to be with him anymore because he was treating me bad and I was uninterested. this ex of mine was mad because he didn't have me anymore and so he called me a whore and told everyone at school I cheated when I never did. I was unable to control this rumor but ever since his friends and their friends and their friends friends have spread this. With the help of my mother too I am known as a whore of Tampa. This is where it stems all out too. I have finally gotten rid of my self-esteem issues once I got out of high school but the only problem is when I got to college all those bad people and my ex went to the same campus!!! So I moved away again. This time, no one knows me.
Israel has always backed me up because he knows what truly happened but sometimes when people and so many of them constantly try to convince you of something, it may sink in. I hope that doesn't happen with Israel. HE is so invincible and so strong. And hard headed and stubborn and sometimes very rude and blunt but I love him so much and he always stayed on my side. He tells people that I am a saint and they don't know how great I really am. Even though I really don't think I am as great as he believes it still makes me happy to know he says it.
Thank you so much for your comments yesterday.
Angel Zakuro: Thank you for the wonderful compliment. You are so very sweet and I'm sure you are wonderfully beautiful. I will probably talk to him about it when he is here in person. He can always hang up on me if we fight on the phone. And I will be sad if he does that to me.
A13:Thank you for your long comment. I understand where you are coming from with the cheating idea. He wouldn't cheat I know this. Israel has always been honest and he has this thing where little things make him feel as if someone is disrespecting him. Usually he would stop talking to people cause of things that they do to annoy him but me and Israel have a different kind of relationship. We always talked and he really wants me with him in his life. I don't know if this will be a forever thing with him but maybe if he understands that I am not trying to disrespect him and that I love him he will stop this behavior.
I am glad your leg is doing better. Just keep it clean and wrapped up to heal. Please check on it as much as possible.
i loved the duckies!!! I have two duck pets here at my home. They are ind of mean but I love them. Sort of. lol They are better as babies I can tell you that. I love the white tiger. It is my absolute favorite animal there. And thank you for the compliments. As I told Angel I bet you are very very pretty too. ^_^ I would love to see what you guys look like! Your name is pretty too. It's a cute name. Most people call ,e Britney Spears and I always hated that. even when I was a child. I never like Spears whatsoever. Her music sucked!
Thank you for your kind words my friends. For those who haven't posted yesterday please tell me what do you think I should do about this thing with Israel... I need as much advice from great people as I can get. You my friends are like wise wise wise people. Seriously how did you all get so smart???? I must have missed that class in high school. lol
So, today, I went to the Laundro-mat again. Very peaceful. I love it there. It's like the highlight of my week just going there to be with myself and wonderful flowery smells. I get to think and sit and just relax. Anywhere is better than being at home I get so sick and tired of being around my mom. She makes me feel so low and worthless. It's like living with those high schoolers that spread filth about me. I am starting to really dislike my mother. She has always made me feel small but now, she uses this against me too. THe other night she said to me that all those kids who talk about me are right. I am a whore. My mother gets mad at me because it's hard for me to stay in long term relationships. It's not always my fault thought. Sometimes they break up with me, or I just can't be with them anymore. I casually dated some people because my mother said it would be better and she got mad because a lot of people wanted to go out on dates with me. She hit me once and told me it wasn't fair that so many guys wanted to be with me. I wish they didn't either.... Because then, I wouldn't be known as a whore!!!! It makes me so mad!! SO mad that once I tried to make myself look ugly but it didn't work. I missed and I wasn't able to work up courage again to do it. But anyways, I just sound like a pity party all over and I don't want to be that.
Here is one of the e-cards that I made the other day. It's about love because I was in that lovey mood.
Sorry for the long post today. It's not a very happy one but I hope you understand how I feel.... so worthless to so many people. My friends you make me feel so good about myself. You are angels sent from above! No wonder why this place is so small now. Only the greatest people made it through the thick and thin. You are all in my prayers every night just so you know. Please take care my friends and have a wonderful day.
Why don't you just sit and listen for once
