Things have gotten much better however, Israel still gets on me about the whole situation that happened a few nights ago. Thanks for all your comments and your concerns. I myself am getting concerned about this. And I'm sure you are all confused about everything that's going on. The reason why Israel gets so upset with things like that is because he expects people to show the same actions and feelings as he does. He thinks that people who flirt with me or just make weird mistakes are only trying to get in the way with us. Even though I really do not see things in that light, I am going to have to try. I want to be with him and I really do love him. But yes, he does expect me to delete friends who make passes at me because he says once a friend asks you out or hits on you, that friend has no more interest in just being friends and he feels like I am leaving my opportunities open to leave him all alone and go on with someone else.
Now, the reason why he feels like this, I am not so sure in some ways but I feel like maybe he is afraid of my past repeating itself with him. All through my young teenage years I have had lots of boyfriends and I would leave one to go with another and Israel knew all of this, but I never cheated until I was stuck with this one guy and I tried to break up but he kept laughing at me every time I tried too. (long story. Maybe one day I will fill you in) But Israel knows my past and I feel as if maybe he is afraid of me.... I have changed so much since 17 and I can honestly say I want to be with Israel and only him.
Israel and I talked about how we felt about everything and we made up but he still feels hurt about the message. I am just glad we talked about everything though. Last night he asked me why I loved him so much. He wasn't testing my answer but he was asking me for real. He said: "Brittany? Why do you love me so much? Why do you put up with me and all my bullshit?" I answered him "Because that's what real love is and you are the one I want to be with". I think things are going to get better but our fights are so loud and scary but no worries, he doesn't ever go to strike me. He gets mad but he leaves and when he hears me cry he runs back to be with me.... It hurts when we fight and my goodness it makes me cry so bad.
Israel tells me he is trying to work on his shirt temper with things. He normally wouldn't actually try to change himself. For all I've known from Israel was that he was set in stone. He told me he wants to try and change because I'm the only person he has ever really loved. Ugh this whole situation is just confusing..... But I will get through it.
I'm at school right now. My class doesn't start for another hour. My first class of the day. YAY! Today, I got my first espresso coffee! lol It's white chocolate mocha on ice. I guess that's what it's called. At first when I took a sip it tasted like total dirt but then I realized that the white chocolate was not stirred well and then once it was all mixed together it tasted great! lol I've never been a coffee drinker and I don't think I will ever become one but having one of these is nice once in a while. lol I think today is going to be a good day. However it will be a long day. I'm gonna study on all my breaks and when I get home to the apartment I am going to clean my room! Israel is so unorganized. lol I always clean the room and it gets messy the very next day! But it's okay. I love him anyway. I cleaned the kitchen immaculate last night. Israel and Kyle made a huge mess in there and no one was even willing to clean it! OMG. So I did and it's a better job than they ever would have done. LOL
I have so many errands to run this week. Get my social security card replaced, pay for a car that me and Israel are getting and then,go to the hospital with my friend to see if she is pregnant and study for tests. I know more crap will pop up soon but those are first priorities.
Well, I'm gonna get going now. Thanks for listening to me and giving me great advice and consoling words. You guys mean so much to me. I hope I answered all your questions about me and Israel. If not let me know!
I'm gonna go and comment and read your wonderful posts now. Take care my friends
