Yesterday was a good day until around four or five. In fact I am very depressed about it and I feel very much alone. Let me explain so I have at least someone to talk too.
So, yesterday I was trying to contact my grandmother because I really needed to talk to her and I was hoping I could speak to my little brother for once. But when my brother answered the phone, he told me he couldn't ever talk to me again and hung up.... HE wouldn't let me speak to my grandma at all that day. But while I was trying those phone calls, I locked the door to my room because I was feeling so bad and like I just lost my family.... I just didn't want anyone to come in. Israel came to check up on me and he was pissed that I locked the door. Accusing me that I may be cheating on him and keeping things from him. He made this huge deal about it and he told me that he still has no trust in me whatsoever. He yelled at me and everything...... Before i went to make my phone call I told him what I was doing and I said I would be out soon. He really hurt me. Then he left to go to Brandon and I texted him not to leave me alone because I was really hurt.
So, he takes me to go all the way to his aunts house to get money for that lawyer and he pushes me and moves me off of him as I hold him on the motorcycle and then when I let go he yells at me and tells me to hold on. I guess he didn't want me holding close. When we get to his Aunts he walks away fast from me and goes into the other room and I knock and no answer so I open the door slightly and he slams it in my face. I just walk out of the house and when he comes out like five minutes later, he hands me the helmet and I grabbed it hard from him. I think he felt my anger and he looked surprised.
When we got home he took my phone and started to text all my guy friends a stupid chain text asking them if the would have sex with me. Since my guy friends Know I have a boyfriend and since they really are just my friends, they were all shocked by that but one knew it was my boyfriend doing that. I think Israel felt like a total jack ass. And I feel very hurt by all of this. That whole night has pushed me back and I don't even want to confide in him anymore. At least for now. I'm really hurt by this. I don't really know what to feel right now. I guess maybe this will pass..... If not I think I have to find a way to save myself from this pain. I love Israel so much but why does he have to act this way? It's not fair anymore.... I wan him to stop all of this crap!!!! The worst part is he is acting a little normal again like he is trying to get over this awful deed I have done by locking the door. Fuck that
I'm sorry for this story. I don't really want to bug you all with that but damn... that was so mean of him! Going to go now. I have a doctors appointment today. I will talk to everyone later. Please take care.
Can't take much more