Wednesday, April 19, 2006

freinds, why do i have so many im going to clean up my freinds list so watch out i might delete you!!!
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   hey im back-ish... hey go to www.thestarlitecafe.com
i have a name there its
sorrowjugler,

and also www.lemonfingers.com,
girlintree,

oh and if im stupid its couse im depressed... sorry metal paw for hurting your feelings, im just having too many mood swings, bye-ish

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Saturday, March 25, 2006

all and i mean all of my freinds either had or has a bf, and i dont and will someone shout "ill be your boyfreind!!" befor i kill my self geese im going to die, but i want a boy freind first! so i know that someone other than my freinds wont be sad!! *i hate most of my family* geese if no one does im going to die anyways!!!!
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every one ie been crying a storm once b-cause my mommy yelled at me and told me to give her back my gameboy and another time cause someone made me move and when i moved i droped my piiiiiiiieeeeeee!!!! and then i cryed cause i want to die.... well thats not new but still i had soooo many emotional break downs and i need help *cries* why me??
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Saturday, March 11, 2006

hey pples ive been very sad lately ive cried alot yesterday!!
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if only:

if oly you could forgive
im truly sorry
im sorry for the pain
im sorry for the hatred
im sorry for the neglect
if only time would stop
just this once
if only,
the only words that will escape from my lips
the next we meet,
that will be what i say,
if only,
if you are kind and forgive,
that wont be the only words that escape my lips...
if only....
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Wednesday, March 1, 2006

two more poems
i wait for death

I wait for death in a small dark box, and there is only one entrance and it shines brightly in the darkness, like a beacon, and I think of you, as I float motionless in the dark, and I feel a tug and I look the opposite way and I see another appear opening more bright than the other, like a great big gash that had just been ripped and I follow its light to you and I smile slightly in life as I breath once again, and I see that you too, are breathing the breath of life as well, as if we both were dead before we met, but that feeling left as we are suspended in a light blue sky… the feeling of death, has lifted, and I feel the coldness of death thaw as I feel the warmth of the sun, so worm and nice, just like you, you have a piece of my heart until I die again, but I am afraid to die, because I don’t want to die again, I don’t want to feel that cold, dark box grab my breath and give it to another, no, I don’t want that, what I want is to not be ever again in that small dark box in death……

i am just a doll
I am just a doll, how I got to be a doll is still in my mind, I gave you the key, the key that opens my heart, and now I don’t how to get out I don’t know because both doors are locked and I am just a doll ready to be played in your little game, a game I cant end, not alone, I need help to end this game, but how is another question, because the real question is who will help me? And why? Where? … When?, then we come to the how, the how is to break your grasp on me, to loosen your hearts grip in my heart, to forget, to hide, until I can find a good way to tell you, why I am gone, to tell you that I am just a doll…. I need the key…. Im just a doll
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Monday, February 27, 2006

hey everyone guess wat i have the yu-gi---oh soundtrack and ists awesome i love track two and five^^ *listends to music*
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Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Love….
It is a trial, for those who would do anything to get it
It is a trap, for those who cant live without it
It is…. In some ways Death, for those who can’t control it
The beginning of the end, for those who are, and will forever, be woven in its fingers
This is truly…the end for us all, even though we don’t know what the end truly is…
Once someone is tangled in it spindly fingers they are forever trapped unless someone cuts the strands
In its nasty mucky fingers they disappear, into what I don’t know, I, I am just a watcher
They start disappearing in sorrow and despair, the thing that I feast on, the thing that I am surrounded by
For what they love is unclear now as they sink deeper, as I, drink in their sorrow, for I am the flame that feasts on it, I, am the Flame of Sorrow
Love bites at us and makes us its slave as soon as we are bitten, but I, remain, unbitten through time…
Forever love shall take us all and beat us dry until we die and disappear, in my domain, the screams ring…
Where we go is not known to us but heaven isn’t one of the answers, for even those who are good don’t go there, because no one is innocent anymore…not any more…. at least, not qwuite....
Hell greets us with its greedy hands and makes us slaves but not to love.... Because down there hate is ruler, and I love hate.... and... hate loves .... me....
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Sunday, February 12, 2006

the raven of dark...
i walk around on a path hardly traveled and i keep walking till i come to a fork in the road and one is traveled more so than that of the other, and i spy a small raven in a tree not far from where i stand and i call "oh raven, smart bird of dark, which shall i travel?" and the raven just cawed and then i saw paw prints on the one less traveled and then the raven speaks "go forth to help the one who's foot prints lie alone, then you will not querry no more of where to go." and i take the birds advice not knowing what it meant and fallowed the paw prints and i find you one left alone in a dark with the look of the raven on your solemn face, and then i query "are you the raven of dark?" and then you just smile and shake your head and then reply somemnly "i am not the raven of dark but a lonley missunderstood person, and who is the raven of dark?" and then i look around andthen at my feet and see the raven of dark in my shadow and smile "i guess i didnt knkow that it was i, the raven of dark is me i suppose, but at the same time im not." and then i just traveled with you and every so often the raven of dark came and lit the way. and from the moment on we were freinds and allys through thick and thin.
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