Saturday, January 1, 2005

   2005!!!!
hehe, another year that i can feel like shit! yay!!!! hehe, so this year my resolution is to be more self-reliant. which apparently i am...oh well. ill be 14, my drawing will HOPEFULLY improve, and i will enter high school. wow.....this year is gonna either a)suck ass
b)rock hard
c)i could die
please comment on wich one you think will happen! hehehe, anyway, amaki wil HOPEFULLY have my drawings up soon as soon as she gets a new inking pen. love peace and chicken grease-flame
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Friday, December 31, 2004

Please Master, I am so tired of hurting. Did you know that I only wanted you to love me and give me lot's of praise and affection? Why did you choose to yell and scream at me when I misbehaved? At times, you resorted to physical abuse. Remember, you were the one who chose to take me home. After you separated me from my mother and siblings, why did you change your mind? Wasn't I the same soft, lovable cuddly puppy? Was I wrong in expecting you to be my new family?




When I pottied in your domain, it wasn't that I was stupid, like you yelled. After all, going potty at any time or place was very natural for me. Did you really think I was just trying to displease you? I just didn't understand what you expected from me. Can you imagine how totally crushed and humiliated I felt when you shoved my face in the mess I made, then threw me outside?




How about the time you kicked me across the room, calling me a dumb, stupid mutt. I, like you, have sensitive feelings and strong emotions. How was I to know that your new boots were not toys? It was so boring, being at home all alone, with nothing to do. I only wanted something to play with and chew on. did you know that my poor body ached for days afterwards? Yet, you wondered why I cringed and whimpered at your touch.




Those cold winter nights that I stood, shivering, wiht my nose pressed against the glass, softly whimpering to come in, you just ignored me. I learned a long time ago not to bark. I still can feel you swatting me on the head, as you yelled for me to shut up. There you sat, all warm and cozy, by the fire, sipping wine and reading your favorite book. Oh, how I yearned for your companionship! Just to lay at your side, or perhaps curl up at your feet; to have you reach down and touch me every once in awhile. Couldn't you understand I needed your love and affection, just as I wanted to give you mine? Maybe you just didn't care.




Remember how you complained about my shedding, getting hair everywhere, telling me I was nothing but a stinking, grubby dog? Don't you think I would have appreciated being brushed, vaccumed and bathed? My appearance is important to my feelings of self worth, just as yours are.




Not once did you ever take me to have fun. All the times you went hiking in the mountains, I was left at home. Didn't you ever think how much I would enjoy running and exploring new things? I would have been happy if you would have just played ball with me. But no, you didn't have time for me. I felt like I was a millstone around your neck.




How would you like to spend your life alone, with no social contacts, eating and drinking out of dirty dishes? Can't you smell my bed? It should have been washed months ago.




Now look at me! Only 18 months old and condemned to die. They say I'm unpredictable, that I could be dangerous, and possibly vicious. This is not true! I'm not mean like they say. It's just that I'm so scared of being hurt again, that I react without thinking. Later, I am sorry for my actions and regret that I am no longer capable of controlling myself.




If only someone would try to understand me and help me to overcome my fears! I just need someone I can feel safe with, whom I can trust. Someone who will have confidence in me. I haven't changed inside. I'm still the same, fun loving, affectionate puppy I used to be. I need help to express these feelings once again.

oh yea, i liiikes this one! by pat craig reminds me of amaki...and my doggs that mother HATES!!!! im on a quest to find my perfect doggy. and so far i have only seen wolfdogs. i love them so. good breeders, not the ones who just use random wolf/dog puppys. that is cruel, they will either grow up to be MEAN AS HELL or submissive as hell. good breeders know the history of the stud and the bitch to make sure the pupys will be good. course that goes for every breeder. but ESPESIALLY for wolfdoggys. *sigh* i like the wider faced ones than the pointy nosed ones. thats what i want when i grow up, an author with wolfdogs that lives in the forest in a cabin. hai, that is what i want.
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   gah
just got back from ice skating. and i feel lik shit i hafta ta go to a party. oh gah, i do NOT FEEL GOOD.*holds somach* ohg god *runs to bath room* *puking noises* ooooooohhhhhh
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Thursday, December 30, 2004

   HOWDY THERE!!!
*western cowboy accent* howdy yall! i had a lil texmex last night mmhmm. i puked in the resturant THANK YOU VEERRRY MUCH! hehehe *ends cowboy accents* i hate it when my dad yells..... he is doin alot of it latley. at me. my mom i can deal with... shes a bitch. i know that. the world knows that. but my dad...he said i was like her. the way i get mad and throw things... thats a fuckin bummer ya know? couldnt sleep last night.............because of HIM *glares at jared* get outta my mind will you? well, im gonna go do somat on the internet...somat...
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Wednesday, December 29, 2004

   hehehe
jared back....and i hafta get off line....nice huh? i love time limits
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   *cough* *hack*
have any of you stayed up to 130 am thinking about a singular person? guess why flame is so tired.... gah...any way, nothin to do today, my gamecube is set up.....oh yea my family down here gotsa that from santee... oh well, my sisters are obsessing...and it is in my room.. fuck..oh well, i gotsa booooks from the library. i need to read those vampire books by anne rice.... hmm...MRS KULOW CAN YOU SAY BOOKTALK!!??!!?!! oh and i got this one about kids who shoot up there school. fuck its awsome.... the kids sound like us..sept me and my friends arent obsessed over guns...we like swords and shit...hehehe, amaki could build and pipe bomb though...if kaze helped...hmmm..... sorry, just thinkin, but it was creepy like i understand why these two guys did it and to be perfectly honest, i would too. *shrug* what??!! why you lookin at me like that!!??? o.0
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*cough* *hack*
have any of you stayed up to 130 am thinking about a singular person? guess why flame is so tired.... gah...any way, nothin to do today, my gamecube is set up.....oh yea my family down here gotsa that from santee... oh well, my sisters are obsessing...and it is in my room.. fuck..oh well, i gotsa booooks from the library. i need to read those vampire books by anne rice.... hmm...MRS KULOW CAN YOU SAY BOOKTALK!!??!!?!! oh and i got this one about kids who shoot up there school. fuck its awsome.... the kids sound like us..sept me and my friends arent obsessed over guns...we like swords and shit...hehehe, amaki could build and pipe bomb though...if kaze helped...hmmm..... sorry, just thinkin, but it was creepy like i understand why these two guys did it and to be perfectly honest, i would too. *shrug* what??!! why you lookin at me like that!!??? o.0
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Tuesday, December 28, 2004

   HELL YEA!!!
ok, so i just watched the last unicorn....HELL YES!! not only does it have AMAZING ART(lear looks like one of the dudes from lupin the third) but it dosent end in that fuckin sappy"oh i got the prince happily ever after" shizznizz!!! *happy dance" dudes, i command you all to see this movie...damn she was pretty...... AND shemdrick is awsome!!!!! yay for shemdrick!!!!! hehehehe
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   gah
i still dont feel good. i miss my fast dsl. i miss jared. i miss being able to talk to amaki like*snaps* that, oh well, im goin to the library today. gonna get some manga.prolly some fantasy. comic books,the usual. should i be daring and wear my sesame street pj pants? i think i shall! i am suuuuch a rebel*wink* so, i am very exciteded to see people commenting and shizz on my site! i have like 17 people in my guest book!!! yay!!!!!! *dance* hehehe anywayz, i should prolly go put a sweatshirt on,considering im wearing a black spaghetti strap and it is 0 degrees out...hehe...i have this really good idea for a drawing...amaki will be surised at my wonderfullness of drawing capabilites!!! muwaahahahahhahhahahahha!!! <--- i like that so much that it is my sn on aol...or at least part of it *giggle*-flame
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Monday, December 27, 2004

   TURKEY....
my uncle calls me turkey because of my hair. my hair if red and for some reasone that reminds him of turkey?!w/e so there isnt much to tell about life down here....i sleep and read a lot...uhhhh...i wants a scetchbook....none at all down here...*cough* love peace and chicken grease-flame
oh, and my sisters are on meltdown and my mom misses me as a slave and is calling pudge to baby sit on wednesday. it bothers me when she uses my friends
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