Tuesday, March 29, 2005

i dont know if i was ment to eat dinner or anything last night but i did anyways to spite myself. that night i had a bizarre dream. im not sure if it was a good dream or a possible nightmare (it wasnt scary enough). but i did wake up with a stomach ache that was probably because of the exercising and getting into another fight with my brother. im beside myself when i say this, thats a made my little big brother cry. actual tears... wish he would be nicer thats why im picking on his ass now. but it was for a good reason, maybe even beneficial to this household and my health? i call it ownage bombardment. but as for my dream i think it was to tell me that i was too cruel that night. the dream was weird to start-off with. i was walking with someone i didnt know but they said that i was their best friend (it didnt have a face). i was walking on what looked like a walkway from my cruise just last week...it was a continuous walkway and i was there walking for no reason. i did stop to turn back and look sometimes but i kept walking. we were the only ones walking in the same direction. everyone else that passed by walked the opposite way. what was weird were the faces of the other people. they varied from (hard to believe but) stitched up eyes, frowns, smiles and even some blank stares. this scared me, as i walked on in my dream my stomach started to hurt. i thought it was part of my dreery state of being but it was real. i doubt this dream means anything.
this poem fits my perception of it as well as other things...

in shadows growing wings

in shadows growing wings
able to think of many things
of past, present and future to come
wondering when life will become undone

crouching in a corner counting
as i pull out feathers, scattered
they belong on the wall for mounting
gathering pieces of life shattered

i close my eyes to see the night
stars roam with their life bright
to be with them, i wish i could
but my light is dim so i misunderstood

at times like these it comes to mind
the option of leaving the world behind
and yet i wonder....wondering to be remembered, belong and beloved
to even be dreamed of

its times like these i wish to rest
without a burden upon my chest
but not possible as i die
sitting crouched in a corner wondering why....

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Sunday, March 27, 2005

this just so happens to be my latest poem..its kinda lame towards the ending or just all of it but it was fun writing it to release pain that i caused over due time...

--as night falls--

as night falls, darkness spreads - wrapping around
i lay awake one terrified mound
midnight draws closer without a sound
when shadows vanish from the ground

the unwanted hour slowly draws near
i yawn and hope - not for a tear
as dust is tossed across thyne eyes, it is clear
it is the time of slumber or so i fear

head on pillow, body on bed
i say a silent prayer, fear not of dread
as i drift off to dream...i feel i am lead
the darkness engulfs me, tears i do not shead

time continues and for my dreams i pray
surrounded in my covers - awake i lay
with closed eyes i say "please dreams, take me away..."
as the voice of silence echos in my ears i hope for day

as minutes slowly tick by through the night
dreery eyes close in hopes of light
they fall shut, like a letter unopened and forever sealed tight
no escape from what may come through the dream - to accept fright

a piercing shot, mangled cries
what have i done, framed....so many lies..
given stitched up lids, gouged out eyes
and soon i shall face my unearned demise

buried alive, hard to breathe and feel
i mean nothing...but for the worms a meal
but so many hearts i have harmed..must heal..
to die in this dream cannot be real

within the darkness i thrash about in a wild craze
losing breath, vision becomes misty - imparing my gaze
waking up in sweat as my heart beats and reduction of haze
i lay and stare at the ceiling in nothing more but a daze


not as putrid as others but it was started and completed during the night thought that would be my theme.. if u must comment do as u wish..
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Friday, March 25, 2005

   im back
im finally back from my cruise it was awesome. i got to know my class a little bit better and not i have reached the conclusion that the group that i dont hangout with are boring and dull. =D. best part was when my best friend and i ran like hell not to get caught from the teachers (we are not allowed to dance). and when a really close guy friend of mine farted. THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!! so unexpected..he just came in to the room i was staying in and farted in the tiny trashcan. it made the weirdest sound it was so funny.XD wish things like those happen more often it would be great. there was also a formal night were i finally get to dress up and look "sexc" it was pretty cool. i told my friend that i was going to were a suit. one of my guy friends over heard and said "wtf? im sorry to ask this but...are you a dyke?" i was pissed..i have to plot his demise now (i'll leave my bro alone for now). but i thought it was pretty hot. my best friend said i looked like i was the girl from zorro, all i needed was a sword. =) thats all i have to spit out for now..i shall think of more while i finish my latest poem.
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Friday, March 18, 2005

ploting my brothers demise..
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Wednesday, March 16, 2005

   so far so good i suppose. life has lead me through an unpredictable weave of drama, depresson and accumulated stress as the week goes by realizing that i will be on a boat for spring vacation. i hope it shall be great. and on a more happier note..someone is going to get punched...
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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

   today was alright...but it needed more black..
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Monday, March 14, 2005

   nothing much to mention except that i will be experiencing a week on the pacific ocean. i am looking forward to it... pool and all XD. new suit! yes! kinda funny...on a cruise and a pool..on..the boat... well yesh lots of fun instore for me. and my friends are even communicating with me which is even more great news! =D. yay day!!
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Sunday, March 13, 2005

so tired...i have retured from my string of absences..gave my number again hope he treasures it...
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Tuesday, March 8, 2005

poem in progress hope its eerie enough, im taking a little break from anime for a bit and more to manga. Yay Naruto!~ rox my sox
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Monday, March 7, 2005

i feel the night sinking into the background...i need to wake up..
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