Tuesday, March 29, 2005

i dont know if i was ment to eat dinner or anything last night but i did anyways to spite myself. that night i had a bizarre dream. im not sure if it was a good dream or a possible nightmare (it wasnt scary enough). but i did wake up with a stomach ache that was probably because of the exercising and getting into another fight with my brother. im beside myself when i say this, thats a made my little big brother cry. actual tears... wish he would be nicer thats why im picking on his ass now. but it was for a good reason, maybe even beneficial to this household and my health? i call it ownage bombardment. but as for my dream i think it was to tell me that i was too cruel that night. the dream was weird to start-off with. i was walking with someone i didnt know but they said that i was their best friend (it didnt have a face). i was walking on what looked like a walkway from my cruise just last week...it was a continuous walkway and i was there walking for no reason. i did stop to turn back and look sometimes but i kept walking. we were the only ones walking in the same direction. everyone else that passed by walked the opposite way. what was weird were the faces of the other people. they varied from (hard to believe but) stitched up eyes, frowns, smiles and even some blank stares. this scared me, as i walked on in my dream my stomach started to hurt. i thought it was part of my dreery state of being but it was real. i doubt this dream means anything.
this poem fits my perception of it as well as other things...

in shadows growing wings

in shadows growing wings
able to think of many things
of past, present and future to come
wondering when life will become undone

crouching in a corner counting
as i pull out feathers, scattered
they belong on the wall for mounting
gathering pieces of life shattered

i close my eyes to see the night
stars roam with their life bright
to be with them, i wish i could
but my light is dim so i misunderstood

at times like these it comes to mind
the option of leaving the world behind
and yet i wonder....wondering to be remembered, belong and beloved
to even be dreamed of

its times like these i wish to rest
without a burden upon my chest
but not possible as i die
sitting crouched in a corner wondering why....

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