Saturday, February 3, 2007

   It's here! Flint's newest, greatest and most spectacular post!
Howdy, y'all! I'm Flint, and this is my new post! Yes, you heard me! New! As in, never been seen! Amazing, eh? I'm a pretty amazing guy.

Yep, so how's life? I'm pretty good. Working for the man, and sleeping my life away, that's my story. How 'bout you? Did I miss something? Tell me about it, would ya?

I've been really sucked in by the Oblivion on my Xbox. Seriously, that game is the king of awesomeness. If you haven't played it, I suggest you do so, lest you invoke the wrath of Sithis.

Yeah, I guess that's it. Have a happy and safe new year, everyone!

See ya next year!
-Flint
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Friday, October 27, 2006

   News Hour!
Howdy. My name's Flint, and it's a pleasure to meet you. Today is Friday.

You know what I realized? It's been literally forever-ago since I did a goofy "News Hour" post. So, as a special attraction for you, the reader, here it is! Straight from the pages of forever ago, here is...

*NEWS HOUR!*

FLINT: Good evening She-Hulk, and viewing audience. This is the news. My name is Flint, and I'll be your anchor today. On the month of October, everyone prepares for the fun and excitement that is Halloween. But, the problem is, Halloween has no figure to rally behind. Seriously, Christmas has Claus, Easter has a bunny. So today, I've gone down to the cemetary to speak with a local figure who wants to represent YOU on Halloween.

(It's the blackest night. Flint walks through the shambly cemetary, in search of a single headstone...)

FLINT: Sweet baby Jesus, is it creepy here. Good thing I brought my silver bullet, eh? Too bad I couldn't find the gun to go with it...

(Finally, Flint comes face to face with the grave marking he'd been looking for.)

FLINT: Ah, here we are. Okay, all I need to do is knock three times...

(Flint knocks three times on the headstone. From the ground, a hand pops out of the Earth. Slowly, a body rises from the cold ground.)

ZOMBIE: Hey, man. You're Flint, right?

FLINT: Yep. And I'm assuming you're Abe McCallister, professional Zombie.

ABE: You are correct sir. I'm currently throwing in my hat for official mascot of Halloween.

FLINT: Interesting. Tell us more.

ABE: Well, if I win, I promise more brains for the masses, less zombie deaths, and the freedom for zombies to vote.

FLINT: Alright. What gave you the idea to become the embodiment of Halloween?

ABE: Well, it happened a few months ago. There I was, eating the brains of the guy I strangled outside the bar, and it hit me. Nobody treats Halloween like a real holiday because nobody looks up to a figurehead to lead them. I think I would be doing a great service to Zombiekind if I were to win this.

FLINT: I see. Who else is competing for this position?

ABE: Oh, lots, guy. The Great Pumpkin is a perrenial threat. Definitely other zombies have different platforms. I hear Hitler is trying to mobilize a campaign. And finally, King Kong just announced his candidacy a few days ago.

FLINT: Wow, so this is getting pretty heated. Anything you'd like to add before we go?

ABE: Yes. Brains....Brains....!

FLINT: Hey, man, hey! Wait, I need those brains! Nooooo-

Hehe. There it is for you. News hour, direct to you at no charge.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to eat some brains. Delicious brains...
-Flint
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Wednesday, October 25, 2006

   The Incredible Post!
If I knew how to, or if it were even possible, I would have made that title look like to logo to "the Incredible Hulk".

Howdy, y'all! This here's yer old friend, Flint! I run the general store in these parts. We got all the goods ya need, even Tuesdays, which is today.

Do you know how incredibly hard I work to make those goofy "hello/Flint/day" paragraphs? Seriously, I must have racked my brain for a good ten minutes coming up with that one, and it wasn't even that good! You people don't know how good you have it, is all I'm sayin'.

Enough of that. How was your day, buddy? I'm pretty darn good. I ate a snickers at work, I can't seem to beat a level on Advance Wars Duel Strike, and my knee aches something fierce. Why's that good, you ask? I'm alive, man! I'm alive, and it's better than being dead. Although October is a perfect time to be undead, as it is the spookiest month. That knocks me down a peg, from "pretty darn good" to "acceptably okay". Sigh...

Y'know, I saw E.T. for the first time in my life a few days ago. I thought it was a pretty good movie. Although, if I made the movie, there would be more explosions. Thoughts?

I have caught the writing bug once again, so expect a fun, exciting post for you, the reader, in a few days! I'll brainstorm for an idea until then, and who knows? Mabey I'll even finish the story I'm writing! Seriously, I have the most awful habit of leaving a story half-finished.

And with that, I take my leave. Goodbye, all!
-Flint
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Sunday, October 22, 2006

   Amazing Funtime Special! Starring Flint!
Muwahahaha! Good day, creatures of the semi-nocurnal animal kingdom! I'm Flint, your friend from way back. I'm almost certain you remember me. Today is Sunday.

Heh, the last time I posted anything was April. I decided to take a break for a week. And now it's October. My reason? I'm lazy. Oh, stop looking at me like that. Like you're the king/queen of Postland, and I've upset you with my feeble offering. I don't get paid to do this, jeez. Well, the point is, I'm back for another three or so weeks of pure, superfine fun! Hey, who's on first? Exactly! Fun, no?

I'm thinking of doing another "Flyntstone" post for you, the reader. I very much enjoyed doing the first one, although I don't beleive it was very well-written. I was going to do a big "Halloween" post, since it's so timely, but hey, presto, it ain't Halloween. The end of that story is, prepare yourself for a Halloween post sometime down the line.

On a side note, I bought the "Back to the Future" trilogy. It was pretty awesome. I must post a question now. If you go back in time and shoot yourself, what do YOU, the reader, think will happen to you?

It's quittin' time! See ya later!
-Flint
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Friday, April 7, 2006

   Post-a-mania X-7: This Time, it's Personal!
Welcome, bugs and ghouls, to my wonderous tapestry of madness! I'm Flint, and I'll be your guide. Today is Friday.

I love my expendable paycheck. I get paid every Thursday from my crappy job as a grocery checker. The great thing about it is they have a service booth that cashes your checks then and there, so thats instant money in my wallet. It's never a whole lot, but it suits my needs. What needs, you ask? Well, this morning, I headed to the mall, and came home with:

1 Robot Chicken DVD
1 Maus part 2 Graphic novel
1 Dave Batista action figure
1 Order of Chicken Wings from the food court
And a Cherry Coke.

And now, my paycheck is reduced to half. On things I don't need. Well, I needed my Maus fix. Read MAUS, everyone. It's great.

You know what I hate? I hate it when I want to buy a video game, and there's no video games that I want that are currently out. Seriously, every single game currently out either A) I already own, or B) I Dont care about/Hate. I just installed Fallout onto my computer for the millionth time. I'm trying to play through the game as a dim-witted strong-man, but it's tough when the only options of dialouge I have are "uuughh" and "oooggah". Tough, but fun.

Okay, I'm going now. Have fun now!

-FLINT
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Friday, March 24, 2006

   A New Beginning!
Hola, dear readers! It is I, Flint, prepared to return the smiles to your face with another lackluster post, as only he can! It is currently Friday.

How's life, buddy? Me, I'm great. I just got "Mega Man Maverick Hunter X" for my PSP yesterday, and I must say, it's pretty awesome. It's pretty much the old SNES game, but with far better graphics, voic-overs, remixed music, and new animated cut-scenes. I do enjoy it. If I was a robot who fought other robots who were evil, I'd be just like X, except I'd use laser eyes and that crazy laser beam from the end of "Super Metroid". Does anyone remember what that was called? My God, I'll be thinking about this all day!

Has anyone seen the new G.I. Joe "Sigma Six" Figures? What's up with those? They look cool, don't get me wrong. I almost got one yesterday, until I looked at the price tag. 15 bucks? That's highway robbery! Highway robbery conducted by Cobra Commander, and led by Zartan and the Drednocks, while a group of Cobra soldiers awaited in the wings! The thing is, I liked the old, tiny Joes. I'm not sure what I think of these newer, much bigger Joes. I guess time will tell.

I'm coming down with a cold. Again. Man, do I hate colds. I just got over one last month, and a new one takes it's place.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, we go to Flint Marco in the Arctic, who will give us a brief interview with Santa Claus!

FLINT: Man, it's Freaking Cold out here! Oh, for the love of God, I'm freezing! Santa doesn't live here! Nobody lives here! Only Bears and Penguins! Sweet Baby Jesus, save me from this icy Hell!

There you go. Fun on the half-shell.

I'm leaving. Have fun now.

-Flint
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Sunday, March 19, 2006

   Comix Time!
Howdy, y'all! I'm Flint, and I'm allowed to say "howdy, y'all" and not sound rediculous. It's Sunday.

Man, oh man, does ol' Flint like comic books. Do you like comics? Probably. I'm really into "Invincible" now. If you're looking for something good to read, I suggest it. Also, I need about 80 bucks for an "Absolute Watchmen" hardcover. Anyone?

Somtimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had superpowers. It certainly wouldn't be as dull as it is now. I'd build a house on the moon, and spar with Godzilla. Hey, I just got an idea! I have nothing else to write about... why don't I just tell you what my life would be like if Flint Marco was America's favorite Superhero!

BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, I'M ASSUMING!

*Flint Marco was an average joe living a normal life, until a cosmic gamma lightning bolt struck him. The blast granted him all the powers he could ever imagine ever, but also killed his Uncle Ben, who was then shot several times by burglars and mutants. It was then that he pledged to protect a world that hates and fears him!*

Here comes FLYNTSTONE! (created by Flint)

{Lo, true readers! As dawn breaks in the city, an eerie glow casts a haze upon the land with which it touches. The locals do not notice, as they go about thier buisness. This is where our story begins, at the house of Flint, simple photographer/journalist/both.}

FLINT: My, what a happy day! The sun is shining, the birds are chirping... nothing about today sucks!

{As Flint walks gown the "sun"-drenched sidewalk, another shadow follows him...}

VOICE: FLINT...!

FLINT: ...oh, crap...

{Flint turns slowly to face his worst fear: Gabriella, the town gossip and all-around spaz has spotted him, and surely she intends on making conversation with our hero! Quickly, Flint's mind races with excuses to get out of this predicament...}

GABRIELLA: Hey, Flint! Stand still, I wanna glomp you!

FLINT: ..."glomp"? How droll.

GABRIELLA: Glomping is the only way to show my true feelings for you!

FLINT: Look, what do you want? I'm late for work.

GABRIELLA: Don't you wanna talk to me?

FLINT: Not really, no. If I don't get these pictures of Flyntstone, followed by the subsiquent sit-down interview I got with him, to whichever newspaper I work for, my boss'll have my head!

GABRIELLA: But, I got some juicy gossip! The Masters of Mayhem are back in town, and I hear-

FLINT: Shut up!... Just shut up! I gotta go!

{Flint quickly leaves Gabriella and heads for his place of work. Little does he know that, at that very moment, in the hidden catacombs of the city, the Masters of Mayhem hold their weekly meeting! The rabble of evil-doers take their seats and talk of evil deeds, as their leader, the mysterious Battlebot, takes to the podium.}

BATTLEBOT: Silence! The Masters of Mayhem meeting is now in session! We will discuss the newly-instated "Darkness Twilight" law, which requires an evil deed be done at least three times a week-

WOLFSTER: Does anyone besides me think it's weird that we're villians, and we make laws for each other?

BATTLEBOT: SILENCE! Now, before I was interupted by Carpetman-

WOLFSTER: I'm Wolfster.

BATTLEBOT: Whatever. We will now go through the role. When you hear your name, say something. Okay, let's get started... Soviet Croc, reptillian terror of Moscow.

SOVIET CROC: Da. Here, tovarich.

BATTLEBOT: Okay. Carpetman, the shag who walks?

CARPETMAN: Here.

BATTLEBOT: Queryman, questioning quack of Queens?

QUERYMAN: Question. Is Queryman present? Answer. Yes, right here.

BATTLEBOT: ...thank you, Queryman. Let's see... Wolfster, the Wolf who feeds on Gods?

WOLFSTER: Ri'cheer!

BATTLEBOT: ...Okay, that rounds out the list. On to todays' topics. First, has anyone noticed anything... peculiar about the sun today?

(collective shrug)

CARPETMAN: I noticed it's orange. I looked up at it and-

WOLFSTER: You LOOKED directly into the sun?! Do you want to go blind or something?!

CARPETMAN: I mean, it looked weird, so I wanted to get a better look-

BATTLEBOT: Shut up, both of you! It just so happens that I blew up the sun yesterday night, and replaced it with a device that causes people to eat more.

CARPETMAN: ...So, what?

QUERYMAN: Question. How does this concern me?

WOLFSTER: This mean I get to eat more ding-dongs?

CARPETMAN: You eat enough as it is!

QUERYMAN: Answer. It does not, as I do not eat.

BATTLEBOT: Shut up and let me finish! You guy know how America's going through this whole "Fight against Obeisity", right?

(uncomfortable silence)

WOLFSTER: I don't keep up with current even-

BATTLEBOT: See, I make all of America eat. They gorge themselves uncontrollably on cheeseburgers and milk for months. When half of them die of Heart failure, the other half will surely want to know why they cannot stop eating! That's when we step in, and hold America's collective health as ransom! We'll make so much money!

WOLFSTER: Cool. In the meantime, we gotta deal with a populace of morbidly fat guys? Hey, don't get my wife with those eating rays. She's fat enough.

CARPETMAN: I like a thick woman.

QUERYMAN: Question. Who likes Slim Jims?

CARPETMAN: Not too thick, though.

QUERYMAN: Answer. I likes Slim Jims.

BATTLEBOT: In the meantime, We'll need to guard this machine, which powers our fake sun. Questions?

(silence.)

QUERYMAN: ...Ques-

BATTLEBOT: Don't.

{We turn now, back to our hero, Flint, as he heads for work.}

FLINT: ...Man, why am I so freaking hungry?

{Flint takes a look around. A man is eating a basketfull of kittens. Two grown men fight for a chicken bone. A group of pedestrians eat away at a bus.}

FLINT: Okay, why is everyone eating everything? Better use one of my superpowers to find out what the hell is happening.

(Using his super hearing, Flint hears Carpetman's endless bickering with Wolfster over guarding the Fake Sun machine. His X-Ray telescope vision confirm their location.)

FLINT: Hmmm... The Masters of Mayhem have rigged the sun to make people eat uncontrollably. Guess this is a quest for... FLYNTSTONE!

{Ducking into a nearby bathroom, Flint changes into his awesome Flyntstone costume! Using his ultra- strength, he burrows into the ground, right into the lair of the Masters of Mayhem!}

BATTLEBOT: Flyntstone?! How did you find us?!

FLYNTSTONE: Blame Carpetman.

BATTLEBOT: Carp-Pet-MAAAANNN!!!

CARPETMAN: Wha'di do?

BATTLEBOT: Silence, imbecile! DESTROY HIM!

{Quickly, the Masters of Mayhem surround Flyntstone. The first to strike is Soviet Croc!}

SOVIET CROC: You are going to fall harder than the walls of Germany never should have!

FLYNTSTONE: Sorry, Croc, but I'm putting the big hurt on you, Capitolism-style!

{Flyntstone makes quick work of the reptillian Marxist, to no one's surprise. Next up, Queryman attempts to confound our hero with mis-logic!}

QUERYMAN: Question. Where does a 500-pound gorilla sit?

FLYNTSTONE: Anywhere he wants, right?

QUERYMAN: Answer. Ask him.

{Queryman than introduces a 500-pound guerrila soldier, who is quickly beaten by our hero.}

QUERYMAN: ...Not the Face!

{The Questioning Quack is konked by our main man. He is then suddenly surrounded by those loveable ne'er-do-wells, Carpetman and Wolfster!}

CARPETMAN: I'm taking you downtown, junior!

WOLFSTER: Yeah, to Chinatown!

CARPETMAN: ...I hate that line! I wanted to keep it at "Downtown", you dope!

WOLFSTER: I figured you just forgot the rest, so I finished it for you! What, now you're all mad at me?

CARPETMAN: Yes! Here I am, about to fight my arch-enemy, and I bust out with some corny line like "Downtown to Chinatown"!

FLYNTSTONE: You two are idiots. That's why I'm gonna enjoy this.

{Flyntstone beats the two furred felons like mere punching bags. He then turns his attention to the leader of the gang himself, the Battlebot!}

BATTLEBOT: Wait, wait! Do you realize what'll happen if you shut off this machine?

FLYNTSTONE: ..Everyone stops eating?

BATTLEBOT: Yes, but also, the world will be thrust into perpetual darkness! I destroyed the sun to create this thing, remember?!

FLYNTSTONE: Hey, we can do without.

{Flyntstone grabs the Mechanized Malcontent, and throws him as hard as he can into the Fak Sun machine. The impact shatters the Sun machine into peices, along with it's foul creator. Flyntstone flies to the surface, his job done. The world is, indeed, black as night. Panic runs through the streets.}

FLYNTSTONE: Well, I may have just doomed the Earth to a twilight that will last forever, but at least nobody's eating kittens, so, job well done, I suppose.

-The End-

Thrilling, right? Look for more issues of "FLYNTSTONE" nowhere, because the comic doesn't even exist.

I'm out. Later.

-Flint
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Thursday, March 16, 2006

   No Time for Losers, 'cause I am the Champion of the World!
I'm surprised at how many people dislike Queen. It bothers me. Well, what can you do...

Howdy, pardners! Ah reckon my name's Flint, and welcome to Post City. Ah enforce all laws on this day, Thursday.

I've been having problems recently. My cell phone broke two days ago, which is fine by me. I kinda hate receiving phone calls in public, to tell the truth. The only problem is, I really used the hell out of it's "Memo Pad" feature, to write down information and such. As I type this, I have my entire schedule from my job for the rest of week and half of the next written crudely on my left arm. Not entirely fashionable.

My brother suggested that I get a pocket watch. I really could use a time peice of some kind, but I'm not a watch-kinda-guy. Eh, time's just a tool for the weak to measure their own decay.

And now, since I'm out of material, here's a round-table discussion about the current economy in the United States!

FLINT: Hi! I'm Flint Marco, and joining me tonight are Godzilla, Rorshach, and R2-D2. So, guys, how do you feel about the economy?

R2-D2: beep bleep bloop beep.

RORSHACH: Hurm.

GODZILLA: RRAAAAARRRGH!!

...Fun, right? Well, that's it. Have fun now!

-Flint
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Wednesday, February 1, 2006

   Hurm.
Rey Mysterio Jr. won the Royal Rumble last Sunday. I don't know what to think of that. If Kurt Angle keeps the title until Wrestlemania, the main event will be Angle versus Mysterio for the WWE Championship. I don't know. It might be a good match, I just don't know if it'll be a Wrestlemania-main-event-quality match.

Mark Henry also lost to Kurt Angle in a championship match last Sunday. How the hell did freaking Mark Henry, who's been off TV since a year and a half ago, suddenly earn a shot at the title?

Me and my friend had a discussion yesterday. He told me he had read in a magazine that Bret Hart hinted at a match with Kurt Angle at Wrestlemaina 25. Now, the first thing I thought was "How the hell can Bret Hart even wrestle anymore? He had a stroke a few years ago. He can't move like he used to." I vocalized this to him, to which he commented "Of course he can! He's the Hitman!" I then told him of his past with WWE. Why would Bret willingly wrestle for the company that screwed him those many years ago? Still, he stuck to his word. Oh, to have such blind optimism....I didn't want to tell him that I'd read the same magazine he'd got his "Information" from, and nowhere does it state any sort of challenge. It's a fun thought, though.

Most of you probably skipped this post, seeing as how it pertains mostly to pro wrestling. For those who stayed, I commend you. Sound off in the comment box!

I'm out. See ya!

-Flint
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Saturday, December 31, 2005

   Resolutions
Welcome to the Terrordome, readers! I'm Flint, and I am your tour guide. It's Saturday night, the last day of 2005!

Man, the year 2005 had lots of twists, eh? Like Flint coming back to full-time post duty, and probably other stuff, too.

Hey, guess what? It's obvious post time! Here's a few resolutions I made for myself to achieve this new year. Enjoy!

-I will finish Final Fantasy 7. Yes, I've never finished the game, even though it's been out forever.

-I will care for my car more, provided it stops acting up all the time.

-I will stop scowling so much.

-I will try to be nicer to people, and attempt to stop being such a misanthrope.

-I will give NWATNA a chance. It'd be nice for WWE to have some competition again.

-I will stop wearing dark clothes all the time, even though they look cool.

-I will resolve to get a skull tatoo on my eye, but I'll chicken out at the last minute.

-I will get "The Movies" to work on my computer.

-I will buy one of those World Heavyweight title belt wrist bands. Those are so gawdy and awesome.

-And finally, I will start college, no matter what.

There's a few resolutions for you. Do you have any resolutions?

See ya next year!

-Flint
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