Wednesday, May 17, 2006

- La Vie Boheme Lyrics



(Downstage right, the PRINCIPALS have lined up and are waiting to be
seated. A large table is situated down center. Down and to the right,
BENNY and MR. GREY are seated at a smaller table. The RESTAURANT
MAN tries to shoo our friends out)



RESTAURANT MAN

No please no

Not tonight please no

Mister can\'t you go

Not tonight can\'t have a scene



ROGER

What?



RESTAURANT MAN

Go, please go;

You - Hello, sir

I said, \"No\"

Important customer



MARK

What am I just a blur?



RESTAURANT MAN

You sit all night you never buy



MARK

That\'s a lie that\'s a lie

I had a tea the other day



RESTAURANT MAN

You couldn\'t pay



MARK

Oh yeah



COLLINS

Benjamin Coffin III - here?



RESTAURANT MAN

Oh no



ALL

Wine and beer!



MAUREEN

The enemy of Avenue A

We\'ll stay



(They sit)



RESTAURANT MAN

Oy vey!



COLLINS

What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?



BENNY

I would like to propose a toast

To Maureen\'s noble try

It went well



MAUREEN

Go to hell



BENNY

Was the yuppie scum stomped

Not counting the homeless

How many tickets weren\'t comped



ROGER

Why did Muffy-



BENNY

Alison



ROGER

Miss the show?



BENNY

There was a death in the family

If you must know



ANGEL

Who died?



BENNY

Our Akita



BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS

Evita



BENNY

Mimi I\'m surprised

A bright and charming girl like you

Hangs out with these slackers

(Who don\'t adhere to deals)

They make fun yet I\'m the one

Attempting to do some good

Or do you really want a neighborhood

Where people piss on your stoop every night?

Bohemia, Bohemia\'s

A fallacy in your head

This is Calcutta

Bohemia is dead



(The BOHEMIANS immediately begin to enact a mock funeral, with

MARK delivering the \"eulogy\")



MARK

Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes



COLLINS & ROGER

Dies irae dies illa

Kyrie eleison

Yitgadal v\' yitkadash, etc.



MARK

Here she lies

No one knew her worth

The late great daughter of mother earth

On this night when we celebrate the birth

In that little town of Bethlehem

We raise our glass- you bet your ass to-

(MAUREEN flashes hers)

La vie Boheme



ALL

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme



MARK

To days of inspiration

Playing hookie, making something out of nothing

The need to express

To communicate,

To going against the grain,

Going insane

Going mad



To loving tension, no pension

To more than one dimension,

To starving for attention,

Hating convention, hating pretension

Not to mention of course,

Hating dear old mom and dad



To riding your bike,

Midday past the three- piece suits

To fruits to no absolutes

To Absolute- to choice

To the Village Voice

To any passing fad

To being an us-for once-, instead of a them -



ALL

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme



(JOANNE enters)



MAUREEN

Is the equipment in a pyramid?



JOANNE

It is, Maureen



MAUREEN

The mixer doesn\'t have a case

Don\'t give me that face



(MAUREEN smacks JOANNE\'s ass as she exits. MR. GREY reacts)



MR. GREY

Ahhemm



MAUREEN

Hey Mister- she\'s my sister



RESTAURANT MAN

So that\'s five miso soup, four seaweed salad

Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter

And one pasta with meatless balls



A BOY

Ugh



COLLINS

It tastes the same



MIMI

If you close your eyes



RESTAURANT MAN

And thirteen orders of fries

Is that it here?



ALL

Wine and beer!



MIMI & ANGEL

To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries

To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese

To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo

To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou



MAUREEN & COLLINS

Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion

Creation, vacation



MARK

Mucho masturbation



MAUREEN & COLLINS

Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it\'s new



COLLINS

To Sontag



ANGEL

To Sondheim



FOUR PEOPLE

To anything taboo



COLLINS & ROGER

Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage



COLLINS

Lenny Bruce



ROGER

Langston Hughes



MAUREEN

To the stage



PERSON #1

To Uta



PERSON #2

To Buddha



PERSON #3

Pablo Neruda, too



MARK & MIMI

Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow

To blow off Auntie Em



ALL

La vie Boheme



(JOANNE returns)



MAUREEN

And wipe the speakers off before you pack



JOANNE

Yes, Maureen



MAUREEN

Well - hurry back



(MAUREEN and JOANNE kiss)



MR. GREY

Sisters?



MAUREEN

We\'re close



(ANGEL jumps on top of COLLINS, who\'s on the table. They kiss)



ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY

Brothers!



MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS

Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,

Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman

German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein

Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa

Carmina Burana



ALL

To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy

Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC,

To no shame - never playing the Fame Game



COLLINS

To marijuana



ALL

To sodomy,

It\'s between God and me

To S & M



(MR. GREY walks out)



BENNY

Waiter...Waiter...Waiter



ALL

La vie Boheme



COLLINS

In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence

immediately following dinner

Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn

chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred



ROGER

Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an
erection on high holy days



(ROGER picks up an electric guitar and starts to tune it)



MARK

Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the

eleventh street lot,

Will sing native american tribal chants backwards through her vocoder,

While accompanying herself on the electric cello

Which she has never studied



(At this point, JOANNE has entered and seen MAUREEN playfully kiss

MARK. JOANNE exits. BENNY pulls MIMI aside)



BENNY

Your new boyfriend doesn\'t know about us?



MIMI

There\'s nothing to know



BENNY

Don\'t you think that we should discuss-



MIMI

It was three months ago



BENNY

He doesn\'t act like he\'s with you



MIMI

We\'re taking it slow



BENNY

Where is he now?



MIMI

He\'s right - hmm



BENNY

Uh huh



MIMI

Where\'d he go?



MARK

Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song

(ROGER picks up a guitar and plays Musetta\'s Theme)

That doesn\'t remind us of \"Musetta\'s Waltz\"



COLLINS

Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris

While accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub



ANGEL

And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist

Including the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment

To self-destruct, as it broadcast the words:



ALL

\"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS\"



BENNY

Check!



(BENNY exits. Lights on MIMI and ROGER)



MIMI

Excuse me did I do something wrong?

I get invited then ignored all night long



ROGER

I\'ve been trying I\'m not lying

No one\'s perfect I\'ve got baggage



MIMI

Life\'s too short, babe, time is flying

I\'m looking for baggage that goes with mine



ROGER

I should tell, you-



MIMI

I\'ve got baggage too



ROGER

I should tell you



MIMI

I got baggage, too



ROGER

I should tell you



BOTH

Baggage - wine



OTHERS

And beer!



(Several beepers sound. Each turns off his or her beeper)



MIMI

AZT break



(MIMI, ROGER, ANGEL, and COLLINS take pills)



ROGER

You?



MIMI

Me , You?



ROGER

Mimi



(They hold hands and stare into each other\'s eyes lovingly. The rest of the

company freezes)


Comments (1) | Permalink

- La Vie Boheme Lyrics



(Downstage right, the PRINCIPALS have lined up and are waiting to be
seated. A large table is situated down center. Down and to the right,
BENNY and MR. GREY are seated at a smaller table. The RESTAURANT
MAN tries to shoo our friends out)



RESTAURANT MAN

No please no

Not tonight please no

Mister can\'t you go

Not tonight can\'t have a scene



ROGER

What?



RESTAURANT MAN

Go, please go;

You - Hello, sir

I said, \"No\"

Important customer



MARK

What am I just a blur?



RESTAURANT MAN

You sit all night you never buy



MARK

That\'s a lie that\'s a lie

I had a tea the other day



RESTAURANT MAN

You couldn\'t pay



MARK

Oh yeah



COLLINS

Benjamin Coffin III - here?



RESTAURANT MAN

Oh no



ALL

Wine and beer!



MAUREEN

The enemy of Avenue A

We\'ll stay



(They sit)



RESTAURANT MAN

Oy vey!



COLLINS

What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?



BENNY

I would like to propose a toast

To Maureen\'s noble try

It went well



MAUREEN

Go to hell



BENNY

Was the yuppie scum stomped

Not counting the homeless

How many tickets weren\'t comped



ROGER

Why did Muffy-



BENNY

Alison



ROGER

Miss the show?



BENNY

There was a death in the family

If you must know



ANGEL

Who died?



BENNY

Our Akita



BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS

Evita



BENNY

Mimi I\'m surprised

A bright and charming girl like you

Hangs out with these slackers

(Who don\'t adhere to deals)

They make fun yet I\'m the one

Attempting to do some good

Or do you really want a neighborhood

Where people piss on your stoop every night?

Bohemia, Bohemia\'s

A fallacy in your head

This is Calcutta

Bohemia is dead



(The BOHEMIANS immediately begin to enact a mock funeral, with

MARK delivering the \"eulogy\")



MARK

Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes



COLLINS & ROGER

Dies irae dies illa

Kyrie eleison

Yitgadal v\' yitkadash, etc.



MARK

Here she lies

No one knew her worth

The late great daughter of mother earth

On this night when we celebrate the birth

In that little town of Bethlehem

We raise our glass- you bet your ass to-

(MAUREEN flashes hers)

La vie Boheme



ALL

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme



MARK

To days of inspiration

Playing hookie, making something out of nothing

The need to express

To communicate,

To going against the grain,

Going insane

Going mad



To loving tension, no pension

To more than one dimension,

To starving for attention,

Hating convention, hating pretension

Not to mention of course,

Hating dear old mom and dad



To riding your bike,

Midday past the three- piece suits

To fruits to no absolutes

To Absolute- to choice

To the Village Voice

To any passing fad

To being an us-for once-, instead of a them -



ALL

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme



(JOANNE enters)



MAUREEN

Is the equipment in a pyramid?



JOANNE

It is, Maureen



MAUREEN

The mixer doesn\'t have a case

Don\'t give me that face



(MAUREEN smacks JOANNE\'s ass as she exits. MR. GREY reacts)



MR. GREY

Ahhemm



MAUREEN

Hey Mister- she\'s my sister



RESTAURANT MAN

So that\'s five miso soup, four seaweed salad

Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter

And one pasta with meatless balls



A BOY

Ugh



COLLINS

It tastes the same



MIMI

If you close your eyes



RESTAURANT MAN

And thirteen orders of fries

Is that it here?



ALL

Wine and beer!



MIMI & ANGEL

To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries

To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese

To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo

To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou



MAUREEN & COLLINS

Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion

Creation, vacation



MARK

Mucho masturbation



MAUREEN & COLLINS

Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it\'s new



COLLINS

To Sontag



ANGEL

To Sondheim



FOUR PEOPLE

To anything taboo



COLLINS & ROGER

Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage



COLLINS

Lenny Bruce



ROGER

Langston Hughes



MAUREEN

To the stage



PERSON #1

To Uta



PERSON #2

To Buddha



PERSON #3

Pablo Neruda, too



MARK & MIMI

Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow

To blow off Auntie Em



ALL

La vie Boheme



(JOANNE returns)



MAUREEN

And wipe the speakers off before you pack



JOANNE

Yes, Maureen



MAUREEN

Well - hurry back



(MAUREEN and JOANNE kiss)



MR. GREY

Sisters?



MAUREEN

We\'re close



(ANGEL jumps on top of COLLINS, who\'s on the table. They kiss)



ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY

Brothers!



MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS

Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,

Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman

German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein

Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa

Carmina Burana



ALL

To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy

Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC,

To no shame - never playing the Fame Game



COLLINS

To marijuana



ALL

To sodomy,

It\'s between God and me

To S & M



(MR. GREY walks out)



BENNY

Waiter...Waiter...Waiter



ALL

La vie Boheme



COLLINS

In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence

immediately following dinner

Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn

chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred



ROGER

Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an
erection on high holy days



(ROGER picks up an electric guitar and starts to tune it)



MARK

Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the

eleventh street lot,

Will sing native american tribal chants backwards through her vocoder,

While accompanying herself on the electric cello

Which she has never studied



(At this point, JOANNE has entered and seen MAUREEN playfully kiss

MARK. JOANNE exits. BENNY pulls MIMI aside)



BENNY

Your new boyfriend doesn\'t know about us?



MIMI

There\'s nothing to know



BENNY

Don\'t you think that we should discuss-



MIMI

It was three months ago



BENNY

He doesn\'t act like he\'s with you



MIMI

We\'re taking it slow



BENNY

Where is he now?



MIMI

He\'s right - hmm



BENNY

Uh huh



MIMI

Where\'d he go?



MARK

Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song

(ROGER picks up a guitar and plays Musetta\'s Theme)

That doesn\'t remind us of \"Musetta\'s Waltz\"



COLLINS

Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris

While accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub



ANGEL

And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist

Including the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment

To self-destruct, as it broadcast the words:



ALL

\"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS\"



BENNY

Check!



(BENNY exits. Lights on MIMI and ROGER)



MIMI

Excuse me did I do something wrong?

I get invited then ignored all night long



ROGER

I\'ve been trying I\'m not lying

No one\'s perfect I\'ve got baggage



MIMI

Life\'s too short, babe, time is flying

I\'m looking for baggage that goes with mine



ROGER

I should tell, you-



MIMI

I\'ve got baggage too



ROGER

I should tell you



MIMI

I got baggage, too



ROGER

I should tell you



BOTH

Baggage - wine



OTHERS

And beer!



(Several beepers sound. Each turns off his or her beeper)



MIMI

AZT break



(MIMI, ROGER, ANGEL, and COLLINS take pills)



ROGER

You?



MIMI

Me , You?



ROGER

Mimi



(They hold hands and stare into each other\'s eyes lovingly. The rest of the

company freezes)


Comments (0) | Permalink

RENT
- La Vie Boheme Lyrics



(Downstage right, the PRINCIPALS have lined up and are waiting to be
seated. A large table is situated down center. Down and to the right,
BENNY and MR. GREY are seated at a smaller table. The RESTAURANT
MAN tries to shoo our friends out)



RESTAURANT MAN

No please no

Not tonight please no

Mister can\'t you go

Not tonight can\'t have a scene



ROGER

What?



RESTAURANT MAN

Go, please go;

You - Hello, sir

I said, \"No\"

Important customer



MARK

What am I just a blur?



RESTAURANT MAN

You sit all night you never buy



MARK

That\'s a lie that\'s a lie

I had a tea the other day



RESTAURANT MAN

You couldn\'t pay



MARK

Oh yeah



COLLINS

Benjamin Coffin III - here?



RESTAURANT MAN

Oh no



ALL

Wine and beer!



MAUREEN

The enemy of Avenue A

We\'ll stay



(They sit)



RESTAURANT MAN

Oy vey!



COLLINS

What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?



BENNY

I would like to propose a toast

To Maureen\'s noble try

It went well



MAUREEN

Go to hell



BENNY

Was the yuppie scum stomped

Not counting the homeless

How many tickets weren\'t comped



ROGER

Why did Muffy-



BENNY

Alison



ROGER

Miss the show?



BENNY

There was a death in the family

If you must know



ANGEL

Who died?



BENNY

Our Akita



BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS

Evita



BENNY

Mimi I\'m surprised

A bright and charming girl like you

Hangs out with these slackers

(Who don\'t adhere to deals)

They make fun yet I\'m the one

Attempting to do some good

Or do you really want a neighborhood

Where people piss on your stoop every night?

Bohemia, Bohemia\'s

A fallacy in your head

This is Calcutta

Bohemia is dead



(The BOHEMIANS immediately begin to enact a mock funeral, with

MARK delivering the \"eulogy\")



MARK

Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes



COLLINS & ROGER

Dies irae dies illa

Kyrie eleison

Yitgadal v\' yitkadash, etc.



MARK

Here she lies

No one knew her worth

The late great daughter of mother earth

On this night when we celebrate the birth

In that little town of Bethlehem

We raise our glass- you bet your ass to-

(MAUREEN flashes hers)

La vie Boheme



ALL

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme



MARK

To days of inspiration

Playing hookie, making something out of nothing

The need to express

To communicate,

To going against the grain,

Going insane

Going mad



To loving tension, no pension

To more than one dimension,

To starving for attention,

Hating convention, hating pretension

Not to mention of course,

Hating dear old mom and dad



To riding your bike,

Midday past the three- piece suits

To fruits to no absolutes

To Absolute- to choice

To the Village Voice

To any passing fad

To being an us-for once-, instead of a them -



ALL

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme



(JOANNE enters)



MAUREEN

Is the equipment in a pyramid?



JOANNE

It is, Maureen



MAUREEN

The mixer doesn\'t have a case

Don\'t give me that face



(MAUREEN smacks JOANNE\'s ass as she exits. MR. GREY reacts)



MR. GREY

Ahhemm



MAUREEN

Hey Mister- she\'s my sister



RESTAURANT MAN

So that\'s five miso soup, four seaweed salad

Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter

And one pasta with meatless balls



A BOY

Ugh



COLLINS

It tastes the same



MIMI

If you close your eyes



RESTAURANT MAN

And thirteen orders of fries

Is that it here?



ALL

Wine and beer!



MIMI & ANGEL

To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries

To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese

To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo

To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou



MAUREEN & COLLINS

Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion

Creation, vacation



MARK

Mucho masturbation



MAUREEN & COLLINS

Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it\'s new



COLLINS

To Sontag



ANGEL

To Sondheim



FOUR PEOPLE

To anything taboo



COLLINS & ROGER

Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage



COLLINS

Lenny Bruce



ROGER

Langston Hughes



MAUREEN

To the stage



PERSON #1

To Uta



PERSON #2

To Buddha



PERSON #3

Pablo Neruda, too



MARK & MIMI

Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow

To blow off Auntie Em



ALL

La vie Boheme



(JOANNE returns)



MAUREEN

And wipe the speakers off before you pack



JOANNE

Yes, Maureen



MAUREEN

Well - hurry back



(MAUREEN and JOANNE kiss)



MR. GREY

Sisters?



MAUREEN

We\'re close



(ANGEL jumps on top of COLLINS, who\'s on the table. They kiss)



ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY

Brothers!



MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS

Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,

Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman

German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein

Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa

Carmina Burana



ALL

To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy

Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC,

To no shame - never playing the Fame Game



COLLINS

To marijuana



ALL

To sodomy,

It\'s between God and me

To S & M



(MR. GREY walks out)



BENNY

Waiter...Waiter...Waiter



ALL

La vie Boheme



COLLINS

In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence

immediately following dinner

Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn

chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred



ROGER

Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an
erection on high holy days



(ROGER picks up an electric guitar and starts to tune it)



MARK

Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the

eleventh street lot,

Will sing native american tribal chants backwards through her vocoder,

While accompanying herself on the electric cello

Which she has never studied



(At this point, JOANNE has entered and seen MAUREEN playfully kiss

MARK. JOANNE exits. BENNY pulls MIMI aside)



BENNY

Your new boyfriend doesn\'t know about us?



MIMI

There\'s nothing to know



BENNY

Don\'t you think that we should discuss-



MIMI

It was three months ago



BENNY

He doesn\'t act like he\'s with you



MIMI

We\'re taking it slow



BENNY

Where is he now?



MIMI

He\'s right - hmm



BENNY

Uh huh



MIMI

Where\'d he go?



MARK

Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song

(ROGER picks up a guitar and plays Musetta\'s Theme)

That doesn\'t remind us of \"Musetta\'s Waltz\"



COLLINS

Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris

While accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub



ANGEL

And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist

Including the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment

To self-destruct, as it broadcast the words:



ALL

\"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS\"



BENNY

Check!



(BENNY exits. Lights on MIMI and ROGER)



MIMI

Excuse me did I do something wrong?

I get invited then ignored all night long



ROGER

I\'ve been trying I\'m not lying

No one\'s perfect I\'ve got baggage



MIMI

Life\'s too short, babe, time is flying

I\'m looking for baggage that goes with mine



ROGER

I should tell, you-



MIMI

I\'ve got baggage too



ROGER

I should tell you



MIMI

I got baggage, too



ROGER

I should tell you



BOTH

Baggage - wine



OTHERS

And beer!



(Several beepers sound. Each turns off his or her beeper)



MIMI

AZT break



(MIMI, ROGER, ANGEL, and COLLINS take pills)



ROGER

You?



MIMI

Me , You?



ROGER

Mimi



(They hold hands and stare into each other\'s eyes lovingly. The rest of the

company freezes)


Comments (0) | Permalink

RENT
- La Vie Boheme Lyrics



(Downstage right, the PRINCIPALS have lined up and are waiting to be
seated. A large table is situated down center. Down and to the right,
BENNY and MR. GREY are seated at a smaller table. The RESTAURANT
MAN tries to shoo our friends out)



RESTAURANT MAN

No please no

Not tonight please no

Mister can\'t you go

Not tonight can\'t have a scene



ROGER

What?



RESTAURANT MAN

Go, please go;

You - Hello, sir

I said, \"No\"

Important customer



MARK

What am I just a blur?



RESTAURANT MAN

You sit all night you never buy



MARK

That\'s a lie that\'s a lie

I had a tea the other day



RESTAURANT MAN

You couldn\'t pay



MARK

Oh yeah



COLLINS

Benjamin Coffin III - here?



RESTAURANT MAN

Oh no



ALL

Wine and beer!



MAUREEN

The enemy of Avenue A

We\'ll stay



(They sit)



RESTAURANT MAN

Oy vey!



COLLINS

What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?



BENNY

I would like to propose a toast

To Maureen\'s noble try

It went well



MAUREEN

Go to hell



BENNY

Was the yuppie scum stomped

Not counting the homeless

How many tickets weren\'t comped



ROGER

Why did Muffy-



BENNY

Alison



ROGER

Miss the show?



BENNY

There was a death in the family

If you must know



ANGEL

Who died?



BENNY

Our Akita



BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS

Evita



BENNY

Mimi I\'m surprised

A bright and charming girl like you

Hangs out with these slackers

(Who don\'t adhere to deals)

They make fun yet I\'m the one

Attempting to do some good

Or do you really want a neighborhood

Where people piss on your stoop every night?

Bohemia, Bohemia\'s

A fallacy in your head

This is Calcutta

Bohemia is dead



(The BOHEMIANS immediately begin to enact a mock funeral, with

MARK delivering the \"eulogy\")



MARK

Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes



COLLINS & ROGER

Dies irae dies illa

Kyrie eleison

Yitgadal v\' yitkadash, etc.



MARK

Here she lies

No one knew her worth

The late great daughter of mother earth

On this night when we celebrate the birth

In that little town of Bethlehem

We raise our glass- you bet your ass to-

(MAUREEN flashes hers)

La vie Boheme



ALL

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme



MARK

To days of inspiration

Playing hookie, making something out of nothing

The need to express

To communicate,

To going against the grain,

Going insane

Going mad



To loving tension, no pension

To more than one dimension,

To starving for attention,

Hating convention, hating pretension

Not to mention of course,

Hating dear old mom and dad



To riding your bike,

Midday past the three- piece suits

To fruits to no absolutes

To Absolute- to choice

To the Village Voice

To any passing fad

To being an us-for once-, instead of a them -



ALL

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme



(JOANNE enters)



MAUREEN

Is the equipment in a pyramid?



JOANNE

It is, Maureen



MAUREEN

The mixer doesn\'t have a case

Don\'t give me that face



(MAUREEN smacks JOANNE\'s ass as she exits. MR. GREY reacts)



MR. GREY

Ahhemm



MAUREEN

Hey Mister- she\'s my sister



RESTAURANT MAN

So that\'s five miso soup, four seaweed salad

Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter

And one pasta with meatless balls



A BOY

Ugh



COLLINS

It tastes the same



MIMI

If you close your eyes



RESTAURANT MAN

And thirteen orders of fries

Is that it here?



ALL

Wine and beer!



MIMI & ANGEL

To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries

To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese

To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo

To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou



MAUREEN & COLLINS

Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion

Creation, vacation



MARK

Mucho masturbation



MAUREEN & COLLINS

Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it\'s new



COLLINS

To Sontag



ANGEL

To Sondheim



FOUR PEOPLE

To anything taboo



COLLINS & ROGER

Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage



COLLINS

Lenny Bruce



ROGER

Langston Hughes



MAUREEN

To the stage



PERSON #1

To Uta



PERSON #2

To Buddha



PERSON #3

Pablo Neruda, too



MARK & MIMI

Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow

To blow off Auntie Em



ALL

La vie Boheme



(JOANNE returns)



MAUREEN

And wipe the speakers off before you pack



JOANNE

Yes, Maureen



MAUREEN

Well - hurry back



(MAUREEN and JOANNE kiss)



MR. GREY

Sisters?



MAUREEN

We\'re close



(ANGEL jumps on top of COLLINS, who\'s on the table. They kiss)



ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY

Brothers!



MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS

Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,

Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman

German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein

Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa

Carmina Burana



ALL

To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy

Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC,

To no shame - never playing the Fame Game



COLLINS

To marijuana



ALL

To sodomy,

It\'s between God and me

To S & M



(MR. GREY walks out)



BENNY

Waiter...Waiter...Waiter



ALL

La vie Boheme



COLLINS

In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence

immediately following dinner

Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn

chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred



ROGER

Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an
erection on high holy days



(ROGER picks up an electric guitar and starts to tune it)



MARK

Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the

eleventh street lot,

Will sing native american tribal chants backwards through her vocoder,

While accompanying herself on the electric cello

Which she has never studied



(At this point, JOANNE has entered and seen MAUREEN playfully kiss

MARK. JOANNE exits. BENNY pulls MIMI aside)



BENNY

Your new boyfriend doesn\'t know about us?



MIMI

There\'s nothing to know



BENNY

Don\'t you think that we should discuss-



MIMI

It was three months ago



BENNY

He doesn\'t act like he\'s with you



MIMI

We\'re taking it slow



BENNY

Where is he now?



MIMI

He\'s right - hmm



BENNY

Uh huh



MIMI

Where\'d he go?



MARK

Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song

(ROGER picks up a guitar and plays Musetta\'s Theme)

That doesn\'t remind us of \"Musetta\'s Waltz\"



COLLINS

Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris

While accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub



ANGEL

And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist

Including the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment

To self-destruct, as it broadcast the words:



ALL

\"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS\"



BENNY

Check!



(BENNY exits. Lights on MIMI and ROGER)



MIMI

Excuse me did I do something wrong?

I get invited then ignored all night long



ROGER

I\'ve been trying I\'m not lying

No one\'s perfect I\'ve got baggage



MIMI

Life\'s too short, babe, time is flying

I\'m looking for baggage that goes with mine



ROGER

I should tell, you-



MIMI

I\'ve got baggage too



ROGER

I should tell you



MIMI

I got baggage, too



ROGER

I should tell you



BOTH

Baggage - wine



OTHERS

And beer!



(Several beepers sound. Each turns off his or her beeper)



MIMI

AZT break



(MIMI, ROGER, ANGEL, and COLLINS take pills)



ROGER

You?



MIMI

Me , You?



ROGER

Mimi



(They hold hands and stare into each other\'s eyes lovingly. The rest of the

company freezes)


Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, May 15, 2006

Oil Change

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last
oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
==========================================================

Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
$50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive
home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid\'s pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw
kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter
and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under! car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash
can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door
opener
18) Sunday: Skip church because \"I gotta finish the oil change.\" Drag pan
full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back
yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along
with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt
into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of
ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.

29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty
litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening
drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required t o stop blood
flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining ! case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00

But you know the job was done right!

Comments (1) | Permalink

Friday, May 12, 2006

Drivers License

A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”

“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. “It is not polite.”

“Ok,” the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?”

“Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions, and really none of your business.”

Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?”

“That is enough questions, honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

“My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend.

“Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card—it has everything on it.” Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32.”

The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?”

“I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.” The mother is past surprise and shocked now.

“How in heaven’s name did you find that out?”

“And,” the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you and daddy got a divorce.”

“Oh really?” the mother asks. “And why’s that?”

“Because you got an F in sex.”

Missing Period

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

Good jokes, go to the job site again tomorrow. thats all, iam tired bed time is now. night night yall.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Thursday, May 11, 2006

hey not to much to say... i am happy and i am in love what could be better? well, nuttin else to say... graduation is coming and i will miss kimmie...
Comments (1) | Permalink

Friday, May 5, 2006

thirteen days left of school!!!!!!!!!

have a great weekend!
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Tuesday, May 2, 2006

guess what?... one of my BEST friends is back!!! i walked in to school today and ashley was like "hey anissa, do you know who that is?" amd i looked and it was KAYLA!!!!! i cried my eyes out!!!! i was/am so happy!!! ya! anyways, my weekend, saturday there was no work so i went to levi's house... it was our anniversary!!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!!!! i am so happy! anyways, got sick on sunday, the race was p[ostponed till monday at 11. i didnt go to school cuz i was sick so i watched the race, 48 got first i think then stewart... kenseth got 6th and he is 2nd in points. so i am happy. its the points that matter for the championship anyways. well, thats about it. i have had the freakin hiccups for 2 hours tho!!! lol! well, thats all. update later!
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Friday, April 28, 2006

HEY!
not too much to update about! thigs are great life is great and i am happy! well, yeaterday was one of the worst days ever but it was followed up by today and today is actually been great! i think work will be rained out tho, and that sucks... that means a boring sunday since i will see levi on sat. but good news... tomorrow is my 6 month anniversary!!!!!! ya!!!! i am so happy! happy anniversary levi!!!!!! i love you so much! you mean everything to me! see you tomorrow!
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