Friday, January 20, 2006

   im happy...lovin life!
no real reason really. i am just happy. i get to go see levi tomorrow... oh and grifter, he said thank you... well thats all i have to say! i love you all!

anissa
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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Subject: my weekend was awsume!
Mood : accomplished


on Friday levi and i talked on the phone and that was nice. i got up on saturday around eight. and talked to levi for a while until he had to go. then i went and took a shower and he got to my house around noon. we went up to the city and since his rents werent there, we went to the mall. i saw the CUTEST jeans ever and i wanted to buy them but i couldnt cuz i didnt have enough money. then later we were in the pet store and a bunny scratched me... i guess he didnt like me too well. lol! then we went to walmart and walking in my skirt flew up... it was so embarrasing! lol! anyway we ate lunch at hardees and then he took me to see where chris died. it was so sad. then we went to his house and we had a lot of fun and we tried new things and it was cool. anyway, he took me home and he stayed at my house until one in the morning. then he got his car on monday and came over with his dad and he met my grandparents and they like him too! and then he had his bowling tournament and he did a good job and i am very proud of him. well, thats all i have to say.

anissa

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Friday, January 13, 2006

well, to start things off last night levi went to the movies with courtney... sounded like they had fun. he said the movie had gross things in it tho and court almost puked i think he said 5 times... lol!amber just asked if i was jelous of court... "of course not... NO!" lol! oh well... anyways, i am getting my class ring it is so magnificantly beautiful! and jay... omg! he wrote me another love letter... EWWW!!!! i wish that he would leave me alone! i dont like him like that and i wish he understood when i plainly said "i dont like you" how much plainer can i get. i was talkin to levi this mornin and i told him how i feel about gettin close to casey... well actually any one of his guy friends really. i hope he understands... i think he does cuz it really made him think... i dunno... just how i am feelin... well, talk to you later.

forever yours,
anissa
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Thursday, January 12, 2006

depressed yet again...
well, my dad came over yesterday and he really hurt me. i think if it werent for my grandma sitten in the room he might have hit me. he said a lot of stuff. like i am a liar and a cheat and i dont care about anyone but my self... i am a slut and i am going around sleeping with older guys (maybe i should... i mean if he thinks i already am... huh levi?...lol! jk) anyway... things arent good... i just wish it would all go away and he would stop hurting me... i cant take it anymore... he says i cause him stress and he wishes i was NEVER born... i guess i am stressful... but what about him... hes causing me stress... i just cant take this anymore.... i dont know what to do... i just want to crawl someware dark and hope he forgets i excist, so he wont yell, and then i wont bother him... i dunno... i love you brett... sorry for the break up... you know i am here for you just the way you are for me... and of course, i love you levi! thanks for being there last night... and i hope you got ur car...oh and thanks all of you who actually read this...

anissa
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Friday, January 6, 2006

PLEASE READ IF YOU CARE ABOUT ME
yeah... well i am in a better mood than i was this morning... i was all depressed and down and even felt like suicide... but, i didnt and brett and hippo made me feel a lot better. they got me to laugh and my pain subsided a little and i tried to forget. i just felt horrible inside... but i knew i couldnt do it anyway... i mean i have levi and brett to live for. my boyfriend and my "brother". i hate feeling this way, but i cant help it. sometimes suicide just seems... right... but its not... i just gotta hold on... things will get better. i have you, levi and i have you, brett... thanks guys! and i have a few other friends... like amber, courtney, casey, and clifford... anyways... anyways, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!! yeah... i will no longer have a whole lot of time to write any more LONG posts cuz i will only have seminar... lol! anyways... i will be in child developement next simester... fun... lol! today is amber's birthday... i got her some stuff. tomorrow is her party. so yeah. today i had a total breakdown in P.E. i just stood there and i bawled for somereason and i yelled at brett...i told him not to touch me and instead of letting go, he just held me and said it'll be ok. it made me feel better... sorry... its just not really a good day for me... anyway, a navy guy came today he was funny and interesting... also we are having a stupid assembly that we have every year... randy nadler... hes so boring... oh well. well, since now my time is limited cuz we had a class pic 2 mins ago, i am offa here. talk to you later...

forever yours,

~*anissa*~

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PLEASE READ IF YOU CARE ABOUT ME
yeah... well i am in a better mood than i was this morning... i was all depressed and down and even felt like suicide... but, i didnt and brett and hippo made me feel a lot better. they got me to laugh and my pain subsided a little and i tried to forget. i just felt horrible inside... but i knew i couldnt do it anyway... i mean i have levi and brett to live for. my boyfriend and my "brother". i hate feeling this way, but i cant help it. sometimes suicide just seems... right... but its not... i just gotta hold on... things will get better. i have you, levi and i have you, brett... thanks guys! and i have a few other friends... like amber, courtney, casey, and clifford... anyways... anyways, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!! yeah... i will no longer have a whole lot of time to write any more LONG posts cuz i will only have seminar... lol! anyways... i will be in child developement next simester... fun... lol! today is amber's birthday... i got her some stuff. tomorrow is her party. so yeah. today i had a total breakdown in P.E. i just stood there and i bawled for somereason and i yelled at brett...i told him not to touch me and instead of letting go, he just held me and said it'll be ok. it made me feel better... sorry... its just not really a good day for me... anyway, a navy guy came today he was funny and interesting... also we are having a stupid assembly that we have every year... randy nadler... hes so boring... oh well. well, since now my time is limited cuz we had a class pic 2 mins ago, i am offa here. talk to you later...

forever yours,

~*anissa*~

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Monday, December 19, 2005

I DONT KNOW WHY I AM WRITING THIS... CUZ AGAIN NO ONE READS THESE... AND THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT DID WERE PEOPLE I DONT KNOW... BUT I KNOW THEM NOW CUZ THEY ARE TRUE FRIENDS!!!!!!
hey well, i am here to talk... emily said some more crap on her xanga about me... and i wrote this to her...
" i dont know what the heck ur problem is this time emily. i have done NOTHING to you! u know more than one person i know reads ur xanga and told me what u wrote! i thot u said all of this is over... u were even the one who said no more writing about eachother over the internet... and u have done it again. i really dont know what i did.... but whatever. again i will say it, i am sorry. now please just stop and leave me alone with all of this nonsence.

anissa"

i dont think i was mean. i was really level headed when i wrote that and i was very calm... so yeah. anyway, i wouldnt have wrote that if she would have just come up to my face and said something today, but she didnt. i dont know what to do anymore. she is just driving me absolutely crazy with all of this. i dont know what i have done this time but i guess that i am just a horrible person and i deserve no friends... i dunno.
anyways, tonight is tiger night. i have to sing in the choir. i think it will be a little fun. i am excited to see courtney and levi there. brett, i am sorry if you cant make it! i really am! and i am sure sam will understand. she always does. umm... but there is bad news levi, my little sister is in it too and she told me that if my dad and step mom can, they will be there.... im scared... but then again the likelyhood is slim cuz she has an appointment and she might be in the hospital tonight... so ya... please still come, ok. please... i really want you too. u get to meet my little sister and maybe my little brother... lol!
ummm.... what more to say... i had an algebra test today... brett u know you liked it! lol! i dont think i did well... i never do... tests arent my thing, im not too smart... o.O well.
im really tired today, i actually slept through the night. i think it was cuz i was axusted.
im in kinda a down mood though. for more than one reason... 1. christmas is coming up and i dont want it to. this year wont be the best and i already know that. i dont wanna see my dad, and i am actually glad kathy might not be there. and THAT makes me feel worst. i feel like a horrible person for feeling that way... i mean it makes me conceited. cuz i want my own happiness and not my dad's... or her's. but thats not entirely true... i want him to be happy.... just... not with her... anyway...2. my dad made my grandma cry this weekend... it was horrible! 3. im stessed for the thingie tonight. 4. something someone said makes me feel like im not quite good enoughfor them. i mean, i know that i am, so dont get me wrong... but its just that feeling. he appologized and everything, but still... i know he was serious and he didnt mean it like that, i really do, but i just feel... i dunno, wierd. 5. one word...emily. well that about somes it up.

anissa
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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

NOBODY READS THESE SO I DONT KNOW WHY I BOTHER... BUT HERE IT GOES...
first of all... im trying to work out things with "her" -NO NAMES- and i dont know how all of that is going to Work out... "she" had me go in and talk to her in front of our concelor today... that was wierd but at least we talked... but i still didnt say everything that i wanted to say. ok... you know who you are... i am sorry... ... im just "overprotective" of my friends. i am also very jelous of any one.... ok.... and when i say stuff on here it is just my way of venting without any yelling at actual people. i was going to say it all to you, i just wanted to wait until i was cooled off... anyway on to other things... o.O im so upset about christmas... i wanted to get one of my friends something but they were all outta stock... what if i cant get them anything?!?!?! Christmas is in 12 days and i am starting to worry... i mean there is nothing else in that magizine to get and my grandma wont take me shopping... so WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!! and on top of that people are getting me some things so i want to get them some things... and i want it to be special!!!! i cannot recieve without giving!!!! it's just... NOT RIGHT! oooooo.... i just dont know... o.O and my little sister's FIRST boyfriend just dumped her and she is heart broken... he even dumpd her to go out with one of her best friends... actually he started going out with her before he broke up with my sister!!!!! that freaken jerk!!! o.O i want to pop his little head off!!!!1 (the one in the south) grrr!!!! anyway and today is wednesday... which means my dad might come over... BAD news just in itself... no need to REALLY explain that one. and i feel like i am in the middle of the brett, amber, and samantha thing.... both brett and amber keep telling me things and i just... i dont know what to do!!!! what am i supposed to do... or supposed to say to them... i really dont know.... i mean brett and samantha are happy and i am so glad that they are they are the cutest couple.. but amber is miserable... and i hate to see her like that... and levi WAS having problems with courtney and casey... and BJ thinks that casey hates her now and that he is trying to make her feel bad because of what he put on his xanga! and she doesnt want to loose his friendship... o.O and derek has a new girlfriend... a girl named nikki... i like her... i think she is nice, but everyone keeps making fun of her and calling her bi... and making fun of derek too.... there is a little bit of good news tho... ITS SNOWING!!!! we might not have school tomorrow!!! yeah! ok... neways... brett and Ian were fighting too... i hate it when people fight... especially my friends... i mean i know they werent doing it to make me mad or anything... but... wow... they really let eachother have it... then there is my college situation... i... i dunno... i mean i want to go... but i dont... i want to stay with my friends and i dont want them to have to put up with my changes... ya know... and my mom... she is pushing me to get stuff outta corey and i dont wanna... and i cant tell her the truth cuz it will literally break her heart and she WILL get sick again... and i cant just leave her and i rely on jay for that... and i wish i didnt cuz he is a 21 year old man who is upsessed with me... i dont even lead him on or anything... or at least i try not to... and he bought me a freakin 6000 dollar ring...WHAT THE HECK?!?! i just dunno... everything is crazy... i feel better though now.. a little...ok heres the deal. i pretty much know that i am NOT fat... but you know when someone tells you you are... it makes you feel bad. ok, i was at lunch and my little sister came up to me and we just started talking. i told her that i would see her on christmas because i had to spend the night, and she said that my step-mom had gotten me some cute things, but no clothes. i didnt really care or anything. and then she said "the reason why, is because mom thinks that you are getting fat and gaining a lot of weight." i dont really wanna recap what i think about my step-mom at the moment. i'm just kinda pissed now! i dont get it! i never did anything to that tiny little pathetic anorexic "jerk" for lack of a better word. anyways, on to other things... i still dont have my glasses... i lost them again this morning... so i can hardly read anything. i can see and stuff, but reading is another story. this weekend, levi saw my wear my glasses for a longer period of time. he never really had seen me in them a whole lot before. i hate them. im kinda glad i lost them... maybe i wont find them and i can get contacts... or at least a new perscription cuz they were bad any way. when i get home today i have to make some brownies... even if i do not go tonight... i want to bake them for courtney. i promised her i would and i will. i dunno how i will get them to her if i dont go to her and casey's birthday party, but i will try... im not quite sure how she likes them so i wll have to wing it a little bit... i also have to get dressed and ready cuz i dont wanna go looking like this... i look like crap! lol! anyways... christmas is getting closer... 12 days. mercedes asked me if i wanted to celebrate the 12 days of christmas with her... i told her no for 2 reasons... 1. im not quite ready to face reality that it is almost here and that i have to go to my dad's... and 2. i dont have 12 gifts to give her. so yeah... the fighting between me and her has pretty much stopped and that is good. i dont like fighting. but whatever i guess. anyways i better get offa here. i will talk to you all later.
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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

ok... my thanksgiving break. we didnt have school on Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. Wednesday i just sat around and cleaned and when my grandma went to Bingo i called levi. then Thursday was thanksgiving...DUH! lol! my aunt cindy, uncle shawn, chase and maddie all got there around 1:30... and then i got to eat. i had a lot of people at my house... even my dad was there.... but... he only said "bye" and that was it... so in my opinion he shoulnt even have came! there was no point... well maybe for him... to hurt me! he doesnt even care about me... he is SUPPOSED to be my father! i just... i dunno anymore. anyways then on Friday i went to go see the newest Happy Potter movie... we had the BEST time ever. lol! anyways, not much more happened... i went to my moms on saturday... she bought me the "Dont Cha" hoodie and tee. i also got some pictures taken... they turned out AWSUME!!! anyways... im worried about brett... he seems so sad and alone. i hate to see him like that, cuz i love him so much (like a brother) i hope he feels better soon. i really dont know what else to say about that! i got a letter from kristin the other day! i wrote her back yesterday! umm.... what else to say.... my new friend x__prophecy (on greatestjournal)is really nice and really cool! i cant wait to get to know him better too. i love to meet and understand everybody. well i guess i will talk to you later!

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

just...life
whats up? not much here!!!!! i made a new avatar!!! im so proud of myself!!!! im not gonna put it on here tho... but still none the less i made a new one... im so proud of myself!!! heheheheheh.... go me!!!! for some reason, i havent heard from joe in a while or really any of my friends in a while... i wonder why... the only ppl. talking to me on here is EvilMonkey, ThisGuy, and BigBritt... oh well... anyways, the play is Friday, im so nervous... i hope that it all goes well...
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