Tuesday, December 13, 2005

NOBODY READS THESE SO I DONT KNOW WHY I BOTHER... BUT HERE IT GOES...
first of all... im trying to work out things with "her" -NO NAMES- and i dont know how all of that is going to Work out... "she" had me go in and talk to her in front of our concelor today... that was wierd but at least we talked... but i still didnt say everything that i wanted to say. ok... you know who you are... i am sorry... ... im just "overprotective" of my friends. i am also very jelous of any one.... ok.... and when i say stuff on here it is just my way of venting without any yelling at actual people. i was going to say it all to you, i just wanted to wait until i was cooled off... anyway on to other things... o.O im so upset about christmas... i wanted to get one of my friends something but they were all outta stock... what if i cant get them anything?!?!?! Christmas is in 12 days and i am starting to worry... i mean there is nothing else in that magizine to get and my grandma wont take me shopping... so WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!! and on top of that people are getting me some things so i want to get them some things... and i want it to be special!!!! i cannot recieve without giving!!!! it's just... NOT RIGHT! oooooo.... i just dont know... o.O and my little sister's FIRST boyfriend just dumped her and she is heart broken... he even dumpd her to go out with one of her best friends... actually he started going out with her before he broke up with my sister!!!!! that freaken jerk!!! o.O i want to pop his little head off!!!!1 (the one in the south) grrr!!!! anyway and today is wednesday... which means my dad might come over... BAD news just in itself... no need to REALLY explain that one. and i feel like i am in the middle of the brett, amber, and samantha thing.... both brett and amber keep telling me things and i just... i dont know what to do!!!! what am i supposed to do... or supposed to say to them... i really dont know.... i mean brett and samantha are happy and i am so glad that they are they are the cutest couple.. but amber is miserable... and i hate to see her like that... and levi WAS having problems with courtney and casey... and BJ thinks that casey hates her now and that he is trying to make her feel bad because of what he put on his xanga! and she doesnt want to loose his friendship... o.O and derek has a new girlfriend... a girl named nikki... i like her... i think she is nice, but everyone keeps making fun of her and calling her bi... and making fun of derek too.... there is a little bit of good news tho... ITS SNOWING!!!! we might not have school tomorrow!!! yeah! ok... neways... brett and Ian were fighting too... i hate it when people fight... especially my friends... i mean i know they werent doing it to make me mad or anything... but... wow... they really let eachother have it... then there is my college situation... i... i dunno... i mean i want to go... but i dont... i want to stay with my friends and i dont want them to have to put up with my changes... ya know... and my mom... she is pushing me to get stuff outta corey and i dont wanna... and i cant tell her the truth cuz it will literally break her heart and she WILL get sick again... and i cant just leave her and i rely on jay for that... and i wish i didnt cuz he is a 21 year old man who is upsessed with me... i dont even lead him on or anything... or at least i try not to... and he bought me a freakin 6000 dollar ring...WHAT THE HECK?!?! i just dunno... everything is crazy... i feel better though now.. a little...ok heres the deal. i pretty much know that i am NOT fat... but you know when someone tells you you are... it makes you feel bad. ok, i was at lunch and my little sister came up to me and we just started talking. i told her that i would see her on christmas because i had to spend the night, and she said that my step-mom had gotten me some cute things, but no clothes. i didnt really care or anything. and then she said "the reason why, is because mom thinks that you are getting fat and gaining a lot of weight." i dont really wanna recap what i think about my step-mom at the moment. i'm just kinda pissed now! i dont get it! i never did anything to that tiny little pathetic anorexic "jerk" for lack of a better word. anyways, on to other things... i still dont have my glasses... i lost them again this morning... so i can hardly read anything. i can see and stuff, but reading is another story. this weekend, levi saw my wear my glasses for a longer period of time. he never really had seen me in them a whole lot before. i hate them. im kinda glad i lost them... maybe i wont find them and i can get contacts... or at least a new perscription cuz they were bad any way. when i get home today i have to make some brownies... even if i do not go tonight... i want to bake them for courtney. i promised her i would and i will. i dunno how i will get them to her if i dont go to her and casey's birthday party, but i will try... im not quite sure how she likes them so i wll have to wing it a little bit... i also have to get dressed and ready cuz i dont wanna go looking like this... i look like crap! lol! anyways... christmas is getting closer... 12 days. mercedes asked me if i wanted to celebrate the 12 days of christmas with her... i told her no for 2 reasons... 1. im not quite ready to face reality that it is almost here and that i have to go to my dad's... and 2. i dont have 12 gifts to give her. so yeah... the fighting between me and her has pretty much stopped and that is good. i dont like fighting. but whatever i guess. anyways i better get offa here. i will talk to you all later.
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