Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Poem:
I watched the silence
From a distant view
I sat and stared at all the people
Including God and you
Its not enough to be angry
the pain has to win
So much is breaking
I might have to give in
It's not like i haven't tried
God knows i do
I pray so hard sometimes
For my memory to be free of you
I like a smile
and laughter i like that too
But sometimes when it rains
Its hard to be who i thought i knew
I know that i'm not frozen
My sacrifice shows thats true
But maybe when you get some time
Can you talk to me like others do?
I watch the sky now
It's so amazing
Like little people running wild
If only they could save me
The water is too thick to see through
I might drown in the mist
I wish i could rise above the pain
Instead of being so pissed
It's not enough to be yourself
Like society has preached
People will ignore you no matter what
But don't feel like a whale thats beached
A tide rolls in to carry you out
Eventually you'll see
A swell so high it it washes away everything
A comfort from the stream
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Friday, August 10, 2007

Jacob is working my last nerves and bella isnt helping...For anyone reading eclipse by stephenie meyer! I'll try not to use spoilers during my rant but i make no promises!
Okay first off let me say i might say a spoiler unintentionally and that i loved the series...until i got to chapter 21 in eclipse. Bella seriously questioned her undying love for edward and considered jacob. AS IF THE TWO COMPARE! Stephenie Meyer made it seem as if Jacob was Bellas "other" soul mate?!
1) we have been led to believe edward was her love and no question about it since the begining of twilight.
2)How can a person have two true soulmates? At the end of the book it seems like Bella doesnt love edward at all and she has a hissy fit over Jacob! Poor edward had to hold her as she cried over some other guy!

Okay Jacob did manipulate Bella but she believed every lie and fell in to his trap! She made out with him while she is ENGAGED to Edward-the word slut came to mind- but she then feels guilty about him manipulating her because he is going through "pain".
NEWS FLASH-you do not pick true love! its not supposed to be that way! you dont have every person around you waiting for you to "decide" who you love while they wait anxiously. I loved twilight in fact i've read it about 12 times, new moon about 6, i cant read eclipse again and i'm not even done with it. I was so happy to get this book i nearly cried (and now i owe my friend 20 bucks). now i find myself crying because of the new questions, horrible new character traits (that didnt exist in the first 2 books...i wonder why?), terrible love triangle and Bellas selfishness. I loved Bella (In my head i was her until as i said chapter 21)
she was an amazing charcter. Now i find her heartless. I find Edward to be too forgiving of Bella. And i find Jacob as a pompous jerk who is essentailly a home wrecker. Ms. Meyer i'm sorry but how can you clean up this mess? I was so sad reading this book, will Breaking Dawn make me want to shove my head through a wall?( i'm already an emo can you please cut me a break? any more tears and i'll have to work for Aquafina as their sole water source) The sarcasm in this book was amazing but the sadness and anger i felt after being such a loyal fan took my breathe away. The ending is leaving a sour taste in my mouth. How can Bella marry Edward when she loves Jacob and vice versa? Please Ms. Meyer help me understand so i dont go crazy! And how can there be only one book left? This book took mysteries to a whole new level, i mean that we're left with so many questions that cant possibly be answered in one book. Now i know my review means practically nothing to everyone but i'm just so sad. My expectations were so high. Loved twilight, New Moon was good, Eclipse had me happy then tore my heart out. The last thing i have to say is GO EDWARD! KICK JACOB BLACKS ASS! and bella please stop whining and stop questioning your love for edward (you were so persistent in the first 2 books and this OMG i love two guys thing really pisses me off. can you really love someone who treats you like dirt?!) Edward all the way and i shall remain in the edward camp always! Such a shame i liked bella too...
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Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Title: Maybe
I wish that it was good
Maybe i was wrong
But you knew it
You knew it all along
I wanna get away
But i still wanna be here
Maybe i should stay
Its not that its boring
Its not that theres tears
Its just been so long
To much pain over the years
I can't get away from it
No i cant hide
When someone knows your face and name
All you have is time
I'm tired of all the stressing
Even when theres no news
I sit and stare at the same screen
Its my own life that i abuse
Some say i wallow and pity myself
But maybe have you wondered that i was just asking for your help
I may write my only poems but i cant say whats on my mind
Unless its in a riddle i cant seem to be kind


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Monday, August 6, 2007

Comment and tell me what you think i'm saying
Well lets just say i'm wrong and we'll forget about this mess
This crazy limelight takes away all sanity and nothing makes sense
Sometimes moving on is better than hanging on to what you know
Its better than the reality that your putting on your old show
Necessity and want are two great big differences
How can you tell your envy from want when they dont exist
I'm sick of pondering of right, wrong , and god
I need to know why i can't seem to break the thought
Reality is eternity in one word or less
A paradox of immortality is what makes us all stress
So little time we have and yet all we do is abuse
We waste it on fowl company and still we are confused
Time rolls on and on regardless of what you think
You could die today and still remain a mystery
Empty hearts feed on the life of ones so sweet
It's a shame we can't gaurd ourselves to keep us from seeming weak
I write alot of stories for which no one knows the meaning
Alot of times its happiness and others from when i'm screaming
An inside out look into me and how i'm feeling
Sometimes i don't even know what the hell i'm saying

*i really like this one
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Friday, August 3, 2007

I got bored and i hate my schedule and by extention junior year already sucks!
Its not as if i'm laughing
Its irony that gets me
Sometimes i wonder why i cant just be happy
Then i have another dream
I think of that of that moment
So picturesque in my mind
It cant be far away now
But still i have so much time
I just think of that diploma
Sitting calm in my hand
How things in life do go wrong
Some things go unplanned
But it will still be hard
And without her what will i do
Shes my support group
And em is busy too
We all have lives and they steer this way and that
But still i cant help but be angry
Our lives our parting in two seconds flat
After becca went away a part of me left too
Then abby and sara graduated
Now i'm left with few
Still ive got my number one
But damn the stupid schedules
Who says life isnt fun
We've just gotta relax sometimes and act like fools
But still i dislike change
Its not something i encourage
I hate when my life gets rearranged
And screw it, lifes a bitch

*What the title said!!!;P
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Thursday, August 2, 2007

Monday Afternoon
It was a monday just like the rest
But something had been kindled and made an ugly mess
Nothing could be done or so it seems
Life had stired more trouble and it wasn't just a dream
Like pouring rain back into those dusty grey clouds
My life had been silenced and made no other sounds
Though i may smile before i plan to break
The laughter you heard from me yesterday was just another fake
I dont give up, i'll keep going through the rain
All that time i had been smiling was to cover all the pain
My siblings they dont know me, my friends what do they see
Everytime i look at them they see right through me
Like whiskey from the bottle or a song thats almost through
You miss it as soon as its gone and wish you had more too
All the trouble wasnt worth it, the pain hurt more then
But how can i forget the who, what, where, and when
I just cant forget, no thats something i cant do
Please just tell me lord as i wander through the blue
How can i forgive and let myself go on like you
Like i said from the begining what a typical monday afternoon

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Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I feel like a non important person to you
What if, What if it was true
that your exactly where your meant to be
Not as if i'm the only one
Sit back and lets have some fun
Your telling me your somebodys everything
Now your hiding from yourself
Comfortable with being someone else
Tell me does that make you happy?

Chorus:
Why are you so confused
About everything that you do
Acting like your trying to be so cool
Well darling you just look like a fool
Let me tell you
You get friends
To make amends
Then it turns into what you wanted in the first place

Now your trying to be the someone
Not that you can be the one
Sorry for the attitude
But you refuse to be you
I'll walk away
Because you made me
All the time we hung out
You were stressed trying to be somebody else
Hello its me
Your worst enemy because...

Chorus

Everything is not what you make it
You making me so damn frustrated
Your confused
Read the news
Your the only topic in your world
But you dont know who you are because...

Chorus

No, no
Hey yeah, somebody else
Hey besides yourself
No one can like you before you do

*blah bad again...i need more inspiration! rah..well not much to say except i got my backpack(roses and skulls;) and shoes(floral and polka dots).
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Monday, July 30, 2007

No ideas for a good title
I need a new one
I need a new person to show me how
I made a promise
To figure it out
I'm not crying
Your not worth it
I'm not lying
You wish you were worthy
It's not the same now
Your old notes cant make me cry now
Whats wrong?
you never showed me how

Chorus:
I may fall and i may stumble
But you will never make me crumble
Inside i was sore for awhile
Now i just sit here
I sit here and smile

Does that bother you?
That i cant be controled
I'm not stereotypical
She may want you
But she never loved you
I'm so full of happiness
When i think of how
Its your regret

Chorus

Whats my issue?
Maybe the fact i dont miss you
Why even bother
You'll just pull me along cause
You couldnt care
I'm just the halftime entertainment
Something your gonna share

Whatever makes you
Think i'm so niave?
I'm not worried I'll be happy
I may be nervous
but i'm not crying!

I have strength and i have weakness
But your not either
I have love that you'll never know
But hey karma it comes and goes

Chorus

I need no one
who i already dont have
They believe me
They see something you couldnt

*Spur of the moment song...i'm not so sure i like it. it was inspired by Avril and my best friend em. i'm still not sure i like it...next time i'll write something better, i promise but until that time this will have to do.
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Saturday, July 28, 2007

A poem for my sister...because i miss her
Older sister calls me little
So does brother, he does too
Older sister its been years
And i really, really miss you
Older sister with the red hair, the freckles, and blue eyes
She left when i was younger
And all i do is cry
Older sister I feel like an only child since you've been gone
Older sister tell me, what did i do so wrong?
Older sister is busy so she never calls
Shes got two children and a husband
So i dont hear from her at all
Older sister i have needed you so many times in the past two years
But i wonder if you even think of me
I've cried so many tears
Older sister got married when i was only twelve
I dont really remember her much
Older sister so many times i've needed your help
Older sister i have called and whispered words for your advice
When i was younger you never faltered
Now i'm left to roll the dice
Older sister is so much older than me
Shes got a hectic life
But shes hopefully she has memories
Older sister i'm not angry i just want you to know
That i'm sorry and don't you worry
I know you had to go
Older sister doesn't know me but i wish she could
I'm so confused of our relationship
I wish we could talk because sisters should
Older sister doesn't need me but i love her so much
She lives so far away now
I can't use her as a crutch
Older sister, Am i still a little girl to you?
I'm so much older but still confused
Can you tell me whats not true?
Older sister i love you and i miss you more than you know
Tell me why oh why older sister did you have to go?

*uh yeah...new poem...its kinda from the twelve-year-old-me point of view...I wrote another poem today about the sky but its to long to write here. i love it though. it really shows how i wish i could fly! and it shows my love of rain. well thats all for now. ta ladies and gents!
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Friday, July 27, 2007

Q & A: Me
Question one who are you in your head?
Me: Uhh...which personality? Well its a tie between Bella Swan and Hayley from Paramore (And possibly Marie Antionette)
What is your favorite thing to do?
Me: Too many things. I love parties but also i love to sit and read a book. I love people but i also love alone time.
How are you feeling right at this moment and what are you thinking?
Me: I'm feeling exausted from my lack of sleep and I'm wondering what are the odds of me getting a not so serious disease but serious enough to keep me from going back to school.
Who are your best friends and why?
Me: Okay i have five best friends. I love people and i like to find ones that will appreciate me truly (And not call me insane).
Em, Rox, Abbi, Drea, and becca are all amazing people. I really love them.
Last question: Why are you doing a Q & A about yourself?
Me: Because I'm vain, jk. I dunno summer boredom? Because i can? Because i have no more poems to post at the moment?
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