Saturday, May 14, 2005

   Life's being confuzzing right now....
In the last week I was asked out twice. Twice. There's something seriously wrong here. I mean, what ever happened to my simple solotary existence? I was content with that! And I know that all I have to say is "no", but it's just so hard when that person is your friend. Well, sure. It is easy in the begining, but then you find out that he was actually being serious...Blah, so Nick was the first, and then the second was some seventh grader of whome I don't even know the name. I didn't even know he knew who I was! I guess I'm more known than I thought...

So, back to the topic of my friend...Well. I was speechless. I never would have suspected! Ever! We~ll, his friend Bryce had been dropping hints about it, but he's a big goof who likes to mess around, so I didn't think much of it. Oh yeah, and I also have this real bad habit where if something that I don't want to deal with comes up, I'll ignore it and hope it'll just go away. Of course, it never does. Anyway, I said alot of things, but overall the answer was no. *sigh* I really, really tried not to hurt his feelings, but you could tell that I hit home. God! What in the hell is wrong with me?! It's not that he's ugly, he's actually pretty cute, and he's a nice person! Augh, I'm just...I'm just not attracted to him. And not to anyone, for that matter! Jeez, I'm not gay, but it's like I'm not strait, either. *sigh* In three and a half mounths I will be fifteen. All that time has passed in my life and never once have I ever really felt the need to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I don't even swoon over celebrities that would normally be considered "ideal". Crist, what am I? Sexless?!

Okay, I got a little off-topic there....Looking at him made me feel so horrible. I even went to the furthest table in the library and pulled out a book just so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. After all, I've made it well known that if I am reading, I most likely do not want to be disturbed. Man, I'm a bitch when I'm reading, but anyways. I couldn't get the problem out of my head. It was like a gnat, constantly flying into my face. Obviously, I could not read. So I fiegned it. And then I brooded so hard on the matter that I forgot about sixth period and went strait to homebase in the social studies room. I am begining to wonder if that was not meant to happen? The math class is right beside my homebase. And as the math teacher's aid, I know when everyone has that class at any period. Nick has math sixth period. And there he was, sitting againt the wall, with his head bowed down to his knees. He did not see me. I wanted to cry. I felt like such a monster. I turned and almost ran to my next class.

I don't know if you could call this fortunate, but it was a make up day in Tech class. And sitting there, with no busy-work, all I could do was think gloomilly upon the matter. Once again, I seperated myself from the rest. "What's wrong with me?", that was the one thought that kept floating back to me. Taunting me. By the end of the class I had made my decision.

After homebase I met up with Nick. It was awkward, but I brought him to the side and asked him if he would like to go the eighth grade dance with me. And of all the answers, he said: "Yes, I would love to go to the dance with you." How sweet is that? I was filled that heart-warming feeling you get after you've just seen a really sad movie with a wonderful ending.
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