Friday, January 20, 2006

   Funny e-mail.
I got this e-mail from my mum and I thought it was amusing.
THANKS TO MY E-MAILERS -
>
> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat "dodo" in the
> glue on envelopes cause I now have to get a wet towel with every envelope
> that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open
> for the same reason.
>
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
> Brown) who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
> the$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are! sending me for participating in
> their e-mail program.
>
> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
> looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
>
> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
> mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing
> deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
>
> Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if
> I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
> minutes.
>
> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it
> can remove toilet stains.
>
> I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch
> the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping
> gas.
>
> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make
> these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
>
> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
> And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the
> microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for
> life.
>
> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could
> be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>
> I want to thank you who have taken the time and trouble to send me
> your chain letters over the past 12 months. Thank you for! making me feel
> safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
>
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with
> a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or
> FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at
> Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the
> Salvation Army.
>
> I no longer answer the phone ! because someone will ask me to dial
> a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
> Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>
> I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I
> receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
>
> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
> have their recipe.
>
> Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will
> now return the favor!
>
> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
> brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death
> when
> it bites my butt.
>
> Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us.
> I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix
> everything.
>
> And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I
> dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex
> molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the
> next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at
> 5:00PM
> this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing
> you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually
> happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second
> husband's cousin's beautician...
>
> Have a wonderful day..! ..IF YOU CAN
>
>
> BUT KEEP THOSE EMAIL'S'COMING

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