Tuesday, November 20, 2007

   About me!
ABOUT MYSELF -
Name: Jasie Sloan... lol ok, ok... It's Vanessa Sanchez
Birthday: Sept 14
Birthplace: Maricopa... well Arizona lol
Current Location: Tonopah, Az
Eye Color: A deep dark Brown, i hate them... but there easy to hide in and be unnoticed with... I find myself gazing into them and get lost with so many secrets within... it's scary sometimes.
Hair Color: Redish brown
Height: 5'5 or... I don't know anymore... *studders*
Right Handed or Left Handed: hmm, which one do I jack off to the most... lol jk I'm right handed!
Your Heritage: O.o... I'm a a mutt, a mix breed! I'm latino so... yeah! lol
The Shoes You Wore Today: Converse, old school! I ROCK! lol
Your Weakness: Caring to much... I'd sacrific myself for others anytime or day of the week!
Your Fears: Nevering being loved and forgotten... well somewhere on the line of that... and lost... but those are screts... *whispers them to-self* But I just don't wanna be alone anymore!
Your Perfect Pizza: lol... red onions, cheese and pepperoni... I'm plain and boring! lol
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Lose an abudance of weight!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: L8ter
Thoughts First Waking Up: Oh man... I'm alive, damn! lol jk, just... eh
Your Best Physical Feature: lol I honestly don't know... my hair! lol I'll let others decide who meet me.
Your Bedtime: lol... LATE, but currently whenever I'm tired I sleep, so Yeah.
Your Most Missed Memory: hmm... this is a hard one, but I'd say... my friend Sam's face and hanging out with her, I miss that damn girl! yet... then again if I couldn't remember a most missed memory then... yeah... lol IDK, there are alot of things I wish I remembered and miss.
Pepsi or Coke: lol since I... hmm... pepsi!
MacDonalds or Burger King: LMFAO... since I worked at macdonalds once... lol I'd have to choose them! lol
Single or Group Dates: single, cuz it's always me and me alone! lol but... NOT ANYMORE! ^^ but seriously... I don't know, no ones ever took me out on a real date! *runs off crying and screams* I't b/c I'm UGLY, isn't it! lol jk.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton Ice Tea ^^
Chocolate or Vanilla: hmm... since you can add and put so many different flavors to vanilla... it's vanilla for me! lol
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappuccino lol... WHAT?!? hehe... ^^
Do you Smoke: Nope, and I never will!
Do you Swear: HELL YEAH, I do!
Do you Sing: lol... trick question... Oi/Oy! YES, I love to sing! *screams* IN THE SHOWER!
Do you Shower Daily: sometimes, it all depends on what I did that day to get all hot and sweaty! lol, but yeah, I do!
Have you Been in Love: Yes... well I think/thought... I don't, seriously I'm not sure if I ever was... hmm.
Do you want to go to College:Yes
Do you want to get Married: hmm... don't know yet!
Do you belive in yourself: lol... sometimes, yet I tend to confuse meh self! lol
Do you get Motion Sickness: Nope
Do you think you are Attractive: lol... now that's funny! seriously what's the question now?!? I... ah.. don't know!
Are you a Health Freak: lol... no, but I should be! lol jk, I hope... lol
Do you get along with your Parents: not really, but sometimes I do.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes, I love them!
Do you play an Instrument: lol... yesh! several actually, but what I play... well that's a secret!
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yes!
In the past month have you Smoked: Nope!
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Hell no!
In the past month have you gone on a Date:lol... no! wait... wait... eait, there was that one time... lol jk, NOPE! I'm a loser! lol
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: lol Hell no, I'm a hermit crab, I stay in my room and tend to die there too! lol jk, but I haven't!
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Nope!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Mmm... that sounds pretty good, but sadly nope.
In the past month have you been on Stage: lol... no! you'd have to kill me inorder to drag me up on one... yet, I have been on one, and SURVIVED! OMG, it's a miracle! lol
In the past month have you been Dumped: *sighs* Nope... but it felt like it!
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: lol... since I live in a desolent desert with no river or pond and so on... Hell NO! unless you call dirt skinning a new trend! lol jk
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Nope! wait a min, wait a min... my brothers sweat pants... lol I couldn't help it, their comfy! lol ^^
Ever been Drunk: Sadly no, I wanted to be... but nope! and I'm even 21... I'm a loser!
Ever been called a Tease: *giggles* Yes!
Ever been Beaten up: Yes... many times!
Ever Shoplifted: LMFAO... yes!
How do you want to Die: decapitated! *grabs katana and gives it to a stranger* swing away fool! do is pussy! lol... I don't know how I wanna die, well as long as it's not by fire or some horrible dieases... I'm fine with anything else! well... I don't wanna be alone, but life has a funny way of screwing me over all the time, so yeah.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: hmm... a PLAYBOY BUNNIE! LMFAO, HELL NO! I seriously haven't... a writer, journalist, artist, photographer... P.I.!
What country would you most like to Visit: New zeland, or Ireland!
In a Boy/Girl...

Favourite Eye Color: hmm... grey or grey-ish blue
Favourite Hair Color: Black
Short or Long Hair: short but long enough so I can plung my hands in it and pull!
Height: taller then me... so 5'6+ or 6
Weight: hmm... 130, 140 , 150... I don't care really! but muscled would be nice! *drools* lol jk, I seriously don't care, it's the personally that matters! and of course if... HE ROCKS! ^^ hehe
Best Clothing Style: lol, NONE! LMAO, jk! I'm not good at this so... as long as it's nice looking and what he likes to wear, I'm cool with it!
Number of Drugs I have taken: hmm... what kind of question is this, damn! but as long as it wasn't any kind of horrible kind that you could get something from... and your still intacted with a brain, I'm ok with less then 10!
Number of CDs I own: Limitless! ... *cries* I wish, around or near 20 or so.
Number of Piercings: 4... Mmm... is this a question for me or him... but yeah, lets not go there! ^^ Cuz i'd be a brutal lover, I'd want a few on him and in places that are hidden... LMAO, hahaha I got you to think down there! I'd want him a get a nipple and one ear or two, lip and... lol I'm a freak! lol
Number of Tattoos: YES, YES, YES! I love tat's, completely... their cumtastic! lol
Number of things in my Past I Regret: LOADS! lol... ok some! but without having some adventure, you never really become who you are! things and life molds and changes you, but you choose to keep the bad things within you, so technicly you torment and kill yourself with regret and the bad shit you've been through.

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Thursday, June 28, 2007

   one day ^^
today is one in many...
maybe one day I'll see what it is to be alive again, and maybe one day I'll finally believe in life and love, oneday I'll see inside myself and awaken from my dark slumber, or maybe that far away day, will just never come... I see a world inside an empty box today, and outside that box a person is there, a stupid girl thinking less of herself, all the while being alone and thinking she's got it worse. that girl is helpful and a great person to love, yet she hates herself and wants nobody inside that box, to ever love her! she feels as if she's let down the world... a world she has yet to even face. but even though she may feel that way, there's always the ones who have it worse within that box. so she climbs an unclimb-able moutain, where her true anwsers and questions lie at top. and even though it seems like she's getting higher, she's still stuck and frozen in place below.
she may cry and have pains of her own like others, but who else doesn't have or feel them too. she just wants to be love yet forgotten, so that her suicide will be unmorned. she feels as if her problems are nothing, so she smacks and hits herself to sleep. she has no idea of why she's hurting, but all she knows is that she feels. she has problems like everyone else and we all have to go on and move forward with or without them, but even though she feel like she is, she's still stuck and locked within a timeless box, of no hope's and no bedtime good dreams. so maybe on day she's finally wake up, and realize she's just a fool. a fool with nothing but stupid problems that never meant anything. so until that day comes upon her, she's still fight and hang on for dear life, but until or if the day ever comes, she's be slowly dying and hoping for the worst!

a poem by yours truly forsaken shadow!!!
inspired by hollow eyes!!! ^^
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Sunday, March 18, 2007

today is one in many...
maybe one day I'll see what it is to be alive again, and maybe one day I'll finally believe in life and love, oneday I'll see inside myself and awaken from my dark slumber or maybe that far away day will just never come...

a poem by yours truly forsaken shadow!!!
inspired by hollow eyes!!! ^^
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Friday, June 2, 2006

   Bad, no Okay!!! day...
Well sort of, I just hope it stays on like this throughout the rest of the night!!! Shishou, THANKS for letting me know some one cares!!! I know your not the only one but thanks for commenting!!! I was having a prety bad day, and well you helped me get through most of it!!!

So, thanks!!!

I will be fixing me site so for those few who visit I'm leting you know!!!
but for now life is mellowing down and I feel alright so far and hopefully I will tomorrow! but will see...
see ya around, maybe and then again maybe not!!! But I hope soooo... L8ter!!! :)
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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

   Feelings suck am I not welcomed
Sorry guys or should I say myself! for not posting or updating in a while!!! NO one comments anyways!!! sorry about my avatar if that's the problem but as of the moment I feel like an out cast and SOOOOOOOO very depressed!!!!!!!!!! well I feel un welcomed and I comment on ppls site and I NEVER receved a comment back, WEll except on my c-box THANKS: imageofthenight!!! well I got to go, maybe I can get myself off this grid or feeling, maybe it's also b/c things have happened to day and I just feel like pounding my fists into a wall until my fist break or bleed excesively!!! I have to go, L8ter!!!

maybe I am, just waiting for a better day and it just hasn't came yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

   HOW I FEEL TODAY!!!!
who here feels alone and well, lets say no one see's or wants to hear them out?!? no matter how loud I scream or how hard I pound on walls there's no answer and my inner self won't let me breathe or say what I truly want to, feel, or mean deep down inside!!! like I'm trapped in my own body and someone else is moving it and living through me and I'm just a hostage along for the ride feeling and watching everthing!!! do you feel like that? or is it only me!!! only right now like all the other couple of day, I've only been talking to myself!!!!! I'm I that crazy to talk to or comment about?!? I feel alone and like life it self forsakes me and leave's me high and dry in the desert waste land of hell to walk and wounder around alone for all eternity... or until I proclaim I'm insane and curse at satan and then I receive punishments from him in brutal tortures, disfigurements, trials of taking all types of pain possible, and allusions of loved ones slathered and begging for me to end their endurments of pain by giving up and giving my soul freely to the devil... that's my hell-hole!!!

WHAT'S YOURS?!? at the moment life yet again is another thing I just can't escape from! no matter how hard I try it won't let it's grip on me loose enough for me to RUN! maybe I'm confusing many of you and maybe I'm making perfect sence, but I'm JUST trying to run from it "life" and all the elements in "life" death, sorrow, loneness, hatred, alone, sad, mad, tears, crying, everything is pushing me down and forcing me to go their again!!! to the place I once called home and liked living in, and there will always be a part of me that does LOVE living in the dark shadows and in the night with only the moon to guide my way home or through life and the world!!! the night calls me and welcomes me with open arms but the world doesn't!!! Hell I'll always love the feeling of the moonlight and the way the wind and darkness comforts me with it's shadows and wonders, but the feeling of pain and "life" in living in the world will never change for me and it makes me go insane!!! the world crushes the ones like me who see it differently!!! and to me, that's why the night and darkness calls to me!!! no matter how strange this whole thing might sound to you, it's like HOME to me!!!

see ya around maybe and I THANK those few who comment!!! thank you, and have a twisted sentimental type of day!!! well I know mine sucks!!!! lets see if yours sucks or ROCKs indue time!!! L8ter.......... hope you LIKE post and new bg!!! and I hope you can comment on my poem and last posts!!! if you can and want!!!!!!!
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Friday, May 19, 2006

   Poem for the day!!! name is still unknown...
Here I go, and most of my poems or really how I feel about things and emotions that are deep within!!! hope you like it! and tell me if you did so too...

I see a life of pain and tears,
I see me crying all alone again,
I'm in the corner of a dark dark room,
In a place I once long ago knew,
The place is hidden from me now,
Where it rained,
Was cold,
And I felt no where else to call my home,
But what made me run,
All those years long ago,
And why have I blocked it out,
Or subpressed it deep in my memories,
Whatever it was,
Was it horrable or something much much worse,
I'll never know,
But I intend to find out,
In that place I knew as a run downed shack,
My memory is lost,
But life has just began in it's spiral web of lies,
And looks,
But where's the truth,
Is it long gone from here,
Or only from me,
Where ever it is,
I hope it finds me,
And rid's me from this never ending memory,
That I can't seem to get out of my mind,
Or stop replaying,
In the nightmares of my memories...

well if you want me to continue with writing poems the say so, b/c very soon I'll be maybe writing a story on here!!! see ya... and please no copying or stealing it! I would really appreciate it, if you wouldn't!!! thanks...
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Thursday, May 18, 2006

   Unemotional breakdown of ppl and their feelings
why do ppl think if your crazy if you scream out load or you jump out of you sit crying and headed out the door? or they think they have to many issues and such! I hate being judged and prosecuted as a freak or an outcast... I've felt that way ever since I was about in fourth or fifth grade and still I feel the same!!! why do ppl have to be mean, ugly, insenitive, and hurt other pplz feeling? I've seen it thousands of times over the years... they simply say, their ugly! ugly ppl have no feeling they emotionless, like zombies and well, their just freaks that don't deserve my help or kindness!!! I've been one of the choosen few way back who was picked on, and believe me, it's not worth listening to them! but I did back then and it still hurts from time to time but you have to get over it and help the few who are still being objected to this bullshit... and I tryed to help them! but you can't help, if they don't want to be helped!

school is the most hardest thing a kid has to go through, and it can make or break them in a heart-beat... Yeah, I know it's scary and confusing for all us crazies, losers, freaks, goth's, and mental cases they call us... but we have to stick together and help each other out of this before is consumes us body and soul!!!

Okay, for those who made it this far I thank you for reading this, it means a lot! and for those who didn't, well that's okay too... I hope you don't think I'm a mental-insane person now, for a least writing this much but never the less, I hope through this you understand me a little and don't think I'm a poser or imposter trying to play the part of a goth! B/C I'm NOT and maybe I am a mental case!!! but is that so different, I still feel the same and hurt like everone else... think about it!

well I might be writing stories or poems on here or maybe more entry's only... Have a well served and a new intake on life today, no taking dives or jumping of the edge's alright... Hang in there, and Hang loose! L8ter...
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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

   Today?
well just like any other ordinary day *effing shitty and such* I wake up to another "why am I here still" type of day!!! everythings the same, (except for the date) I wake up alone, and life STILL!!! even though it's not worth living in most of the time, goes on... the birds churp, the animals cry, and the voices in my head JUST talk away!!! yeah, and even the time forsakes me!!! it just goes slow, slow, slow, slow, slow... and never speeds up and the days never goes gone, gone, gone... buah-bye!!! so what tah do!!! ummmm, lets see, what tah do? do the same thing we did yesterday! live life b/c we have to... boring!!! well at least I'm not frozen in time like my soul is or trapped behind a layer of two-way mirrors and no one can see me or know I'm there seeking help... wellI must make the best out of today... maybe the world will fall of it's axis and float of in space towards the sun... Nahhhh, maybe I'll wake up oneday happy... yeah, now that's worth seeing and experancing...
see ya around, maybe!!! L8ters... hope I didn't fry your intelligent brains out from all this reading... see ya!
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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

   Hello.......
the nightmare begins, along with my first post it seems... well my life is pretty much nothing but an out of a twilight zone episode for me and the more that happens the more effing bad and worse shit happens!!! along with the "happy" who in the hell here is happy... "Me" no... I am not, and further more probably in the near future will never be either!!! well hope you liked the post and see you soon or maybe never except in comments or pm's... L8ters!!!
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