Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Now, living seems more painful than dying..

Good News

WElp..good news- my friend nikki from my last post is now okay...but i think i might delete the last post- i mean i dont want her getting mad or anything...WEll yeah shes living with me now...Okay- so a little updated news: 1.My father has disowned me or perhaps the other way around--so now im living with my friend in her condo...pretty far away from my school but since i can drive now which is number 2- i guess im okay...ANY LATEST UPDATES IN YOUR LIFE? I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW SINCE YOU'VE LISTENED TO MINE.
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Saturday, January 15, 2005

Now, living seems more painful than dying..

4 those of you who actually care to READ!

This is really pissing me off and for those of you who KNOW what im talking about- then its not hard for you to understand. I hate stereotypes... I HATE EM!!! I HATE EM! LOAF could be used as the word aswell! Like seriously everyone is having a fit with me when i say that...They always ask: "Natsuko? What are you exactly?" Like do you WANT me to break it down to you VERY CLEARLY? AS much as i dont like saying this- IM A DAM HUMAN BEING- and if im not than what the hell are you? GEEZUS! And they'll be like.."Eww what the hell is this crap you are listening to?" or "what the hell are you wearing? do this make you a Gena? or a thug or..i dont know what are then?" DAm stereotypes pissing me off once more..but i will TRY to ignore them. On a more serious note:

Nikki :(

My best friend nikki is going through some very bad problems...i dont know what to do..I dont want to speak of the whole story but...well ever since she was little her dad always beat her..shes 17 by the way now...and her parents hated her becasue she was fat- well now she has gone on a diet...a bad diet... like throwing up/ not eating AT ALL! and cutting herself. yeah ive been inthe cutting stage b4.but i was talking to her on her cell last night and she seemed weird..how she was talking- then i noticed she was outside....when i figured that out- she said she had to go and she said bye i love you. so i got worried. next her mother called me and asked where she'd gone- i didnt know..then i found out that her dad beat her almost to the point where she was knocked uncontious...and her mom said she found a knife and alot of blood in her room. she thinks that she might have cut a vien....i dont know what to do- we still cant find her and now the POLICE are in this and i happen to be part of it.
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Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Now, living seems more painful than dying..

Hummm...

I so badly need to start being a little more active now.....ummm as you can see i havent really posted since like--i dont know when, but whatever. I will TRY to get back to everyone cuz i know is rude not to..Heres my problem:
im tired of being friends with my friends...i dont know why- maybe its just a phase or what not..but i just feel like some of them are a waste of time..with their boys and stuff. its like i only wanna b friends with the guys.. i dont know whats really going on- perhaps im just confused. but everytime im with them- i feel like i dont want to be. and these are ppl ive been friends with for a while now.. i just feel like im SO ANNOYED by their presence. anything like that EVER happen to you?
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Wednesday, January 5, 2005

Now, living seems more painful than dying..

Tsunami-another warning?

I know its been a major news headline for days/weeks now- but you havent heard the end of it. Of course it is a devistating time for the innocent people who had to live and die through that incident, but have we ever looked back and reviewed 2004? All the storms and natural disasters...Could they be a warning? A warning that the earth is trying to tell us? Perhaps- but scientists cannot predict what could even happen because it can just happen at ANY time. I am going to help on in Taiwan and Sri Lanka for march break- feeding the children, but still i think that this ISNT the end of it. I believe that humans are the problem in this once healthy earth and that mothernature has had enough of us poising her and will punish us for doing so.
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Thursday, December 30, 2004

Now, living seems more painful than dying..

My Dream House

My Uncle is planning to build a home like this one, except more advanced. Hopefully when he builds another- i will take his previous.

Just some updated pics. and hey! Everyone have a merry x-mas..uh whoops i mean new years..gah this wine is soooo strong..welp nothing i cant handle.lolz
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Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Now, living seems more painful than dying..

Falling Again

WEll here i am once again. At the dipping point of depression. I feared that this may happen. And i has. Every turn of the year it comes back to me very slowly- then hits me hard causing the to crash. Make to my same self now, guess thats how it was always meant to be. Yes. Perhaps. Or perhaps near the end of the year it turns away only to venture deeper inside once again.No one understands exept for the few.

**Waiting for my truthful fate...My soul too full of sorrow for even death to take...**

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Friday, December 24, 2004

Now, living seems more painful than dying..

Merry X-mas

Hey everyone on myotaku!!!!Havent been on for a long long while--trying to get my hands on a DAm computer all week..AND its been VERY hectic like im sure everyone's is! lol yep well i hope you all have a merry x-mas..lol i know that i wont but im not going to spoil it for all of you--So the only thing IM looking forward to is BOXING DAY!!HAHAHA!! yeah yeah i know what i cruel person i am..hhaha bye for now
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Thursday, December 16, 2004

Now, living seems more painful than dying..

Dry Toast

Ok yeah dont even ask why the title is "Dry Toast" lolz its just an inside joke with my crush lolz..wellppp i HAVE been on here for the past few days, but i HADNT posted any posts or whatever lol...guess im a little less active towards the internet if i doesnt have to do with school work..GAHHH!

Exams

are coming in only 3 weeks from the holidays and theres

EQAO

testings the week we get back! ahh im gonna die..here 2 questions i'd like to ask...:

1.If you had to go to an important school dance/party, but you had many assignments to hand in the next day- which you havent even started- what would you do?
2.What would you got along well with your crush but he didnt like you because of your race or background?
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Friday, December 10, 2004

   ahhh anime expos! soo fun!
Now, living seems more painful than dying..

metro- convention center (toronto)

ANIME EXPO!

 

 

CNAnime Expo!!

 

 

 

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Tuesday, December 7, 2004

found my this old poem in my diary
Now, living seems more painful than dying..

Too full!

 

Slowly realizing my truthful fate

Knowing life is not worth to appreciate.

Caught in the lies beneath the tales

Trying to forget when all else fails.

I thought you loved me as I love you

But I found out that it was never true.

You have betrayed my heart & my soul

I feel so worthless like a clump of coal.

Dont even try to talk your way out

Because i dont want to hear it- theres no use to shout!

REady for my cure- walking to my end

It would have worked out if you didnt pretend.

Now on the edge- willing to dive

But something keeps stopping me so i continue to strive.

Something always holding me back from my truthful fate

My soul TOO FULL of sorrow for even death to take.

 

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