Saturday, December 9, 2006

my head is throbbing. i don't even know why i'm on. i don't feel good. i'm sick. i had to go to my grandparents today for alex's b-day party (he is now 12) it's 8:42 PM and i'm really tired. i don't know why. i went to bed at around 1 AM last night and woke up at around 1:30 PM today. i am now really tired but i didn't do anything at all. i was just at my grandparents being bored.

however, i did watch The Davinci Code. i'm in love with it. =) my uncle is gonna let me borrow the book. you know...that movie threw me off b/c of King Arthur and the Holy Grail not actually being a gold cup -_-

*sighs* last night at the dance i kept almost passing out. i'm forgetting more and more. and i'm only 13. idk what's wrong with me. idc anymore. someone last night pissed me off b/c he was trying to "tell me the truth" about my life. made me mad that i'm not talking to him now. i'm wating for an apology. doubt i'll get one tho.

i'm hardly talking to anyone now. i get the occasional IMs but that's just about it. in a minute or two i'll probably work on my fanfic.

i hope u all had a better day then i did. i feel like shooting myslef in the head.

i fell asleep at my grandparents house while writing a story. i woke up to an ice cube going down my back. i found out it was my uncle. so i got him back. i wasn't able to fall asleep again. and then i became so paranoid i started to cry and sat in a corner for about 2 hours.

i wasn't happy. i still ain't. i'm depressed and sad and in pain. my chest keeps closing up and it's difficult to breath and i have to stay seated or laying down in order not to feel like i'm gonna pass out. i did at my grandparents. i blacked out. mom says its just sinuses but *shrugs* idk.

well. i'm gonna go work on my fanfic and listen to depressing music. well. bye y'all

Shia-Chan
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Friday, December 8, 2006

yo

i don't feel so well but i'm gonna go to the dance anyway. why? *shrugs* idk. i just am

it's formal. i hate those kinds of dances -_- grr.

i might be going to the doctors some time next week. i'm gonna ask my mom to go. *sighs*

so anyway, if pippa reads this, I"M GOING. so yea.

bye all

Shia
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Thursday, December 7, 2006

sorry. i shoulda posted earlier but i'm posting now. i'm not myself u could say.

i've been thinking for hours on end. up in my room just...thinking. i was outside for awhile taking pictures of the snow.

yes it snowed. *sighs* i sliped and slid down the road *it's a hill* on my ass. i wasn't happy. -_-

i think i hurt one of my friends by ignoring her on the bus today. (melly) i sat alone behind her and deandra and i stared out the window. and then...i blacked out. i can't remember how the day went either. it's all a big blurr to me. all i know is that on the bus it got suddenly quiet and these voices danced in my head. they kept saying "You let her see you cry" repeadently. (sp?) i was so confused. i cried. i had a melt down. and the thing is...i can't remember why it's odd...i don't remember anything. idk why. i mean. i remember things. like big important life things and what happened on the bus...but...idk...*sighs* nothing is all right. the family isn't doing so well, i'm always crying and i have to run to the bathroom at school just to look at myself in the mirror and say "Don't cry, if you do you'll let your friends down" i did that a couple times...i tried my hardest not to cry but on the bus...all it took was one tear and melly saw...

i guess u could say i'm a big baby b/c i have so many melt downs but i can't help it. i feel like a failure. i'm trying so hard to be perfect for everyone so they won't think i'm a fraud. but they already think that b/c i lie to them. i tell them i'm fine when i'm not. i smile to hide my pain. deandra confronted me once and told me she saw all the pain in my eyes and said i should stop faking. *shrugs* i'm a fraud. i'm a failing fraud.

idc anymore. if they don't need me they can say that but, *shrugs* idk...i've been so confused, so hurt, and i don't like to talk about why. *sighs* and i'm dumping it all on you. sorry.

*sighs* i'm gonna go. i'll tty all later.

Shia
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Wednesday, December 6, 2006

HELLO ALL!!! SORRY FOR THE CAPS I"M REALLY HYPER!! XD!!! NOT REALLY BUT THE CAPS BUTTON IS STUCK >:C GRR!! LOL

OK SO I"M HAVE THE PROLOGUE UP TONIGHT!! SO GO CHECK OUT MY

TRUTHS THAT HIDE

SO YEA. I"LL POST IT UP HERE FOR NOW TOO UNTIL U ALL GET USED TO SEEING TRUTHS THAT HIDE MYOTAKU SITE!!

BYE!!






Prologue
My name is Shia Ashakira. On my journey between worlds I encountered many wonderful, exciting, and even disturbing things. I met many nice and kind people and even bad ones too. I’ve even fallen in love. Throughout the story you will meet people who may look the same but aren’t the same.
As my friends Yuko Ichihara said. “People you know, people you’ve met on your world, they’ve developed under completely different conditions on other worlds. You may meet different versions of the same person time after time on different worlds. And just because that person is nice to you on one world doesn’t mean you will find an ally on the next.”
I know you want to read how my adventures go so now…I will allow the story to unfold itself.

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006

Choir: A
Gym: A
Reading: A
WV Studies: A
English: A
PreGeometry: A
Printmaking/Graphics: A
Science: B

*sighs* so i didn't get the straight A's i was hoping for but that's all right. i'll survive.

anyway pplz i MIGHT be posting the prologue and chapter 1 on sunday. probably nothing more tho b/c like i said u'm going back and looking through it all and yea.

*sighs* anyway i g2g. i have a lot of h/w and some chores i haven't done yet. later!

[S|h*I/A!]
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Monday, December 4, 2006

hey all. i have some time before i go to school and i didn't know if i would be on later or not. we're decorating the tree today with streams of lights and stuff. we aren't putting up glass ornaments but we will the non-glass kind. i was working on 2 layouts yesterday and a vid. i ended up accidently deleting the video when i was searching through files i didn't need -_- stupid computer. lol.

MewMewIchigo & Mew HolliBerrii: since you've read parts of my FanFic i've decided to warn you that there are major changes. i went back and deleted some things and added some more. there was a major change to the prologue and changes to chapter one so far. so yea, when i post it up again u might want to re-read it.

ok ya all. i got to go! SCHOOL. >_< oh well.

luv ya like family!

[S|h*I/A!]
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Sunday, December 3, 2006

hello all. i stayed the night at holly's so i didn't get to work on putting my fanfic up. i have to get some of the words italic sized and stuff like that. so yea. sorry it won't be up today either.

my dad is working on the x-mas tree. putting the lights up anyway. we aren't putting ornaments up b/c the cats like to climb up into the tree. T-T poor tree.

i'll be adjusting my site so it's plain looking and when i get some free time i'll put up an x-mas theme. so yea.

anyway ya'll i made another site for my fanfic. even though my fanfic isn't up yet it's what i'll post on there. u don't have to sign the gb cuz idc about that but add that site to ur list so u can know when i put up the fanfic ^^

it's called. Truths That Hide so yea. that's the name of my fanfic. Truths That Hide ^^

like i said i'll try and get it posted up. i'm really sorry for the delay. =(

my mom and i are going to make Peanut Butter Balls. those things are good. i might be able to take a few for my friends to try. =) yummy!! lol

well i thinks that's all. idk... ^^'' lol

anyway visit my other sites

XxForgottenxX & BlueStar101

bye ya all!!

[S|h*I/A!]
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Friday, December 1, 2006

i'm hoping to get my story up this coming Sunday. and just b/c i luv u all so much i'll post the first 5 chapters. i'm working on 22 now. for some reason i only want to work on it on the weekends. *confused* *shrugs*

i'm sorry everyone. idk why tho. but i am. sorry for everything. *sighs* i feel like such a failure. i've been so confused lately and...i can't do anything right anymore. i keep getting yelled at for nothing i did, my ex is being an ass hole to me and...i just feel like giving up. i feel like killing myself just so i don't have to bare more pain.

i'm so fucking fed up with everyones shit. they all bitch at me b/c i try to help and then they get mad when i don't help. SO SCREW THE PPL WHO HATE ME!!! I DON"T GIVE A FUCKING CARE WHAT U FUCKING THINK!!!

look soryr for all my profanity to those who are against it but i am BEYOND pissed. *growls* I"M TIRED OF HELPING PPL WHO DON"T APPRICIATE IT!!!

none of my friends are on. i have no one to talk to. no one to cry to. it's so fucked up. i hate feeling like this. why does it have to be me?! I HATE IT!!!! i hate god. he never did anything for me but gave me a life i can't handle. screw him. he made my life hell so why should i be grateful? why should i pray to him when i have for the last 13 years of my god damn pathetic life!! HE NEVER LISTENED!!!

sure...there are others who need his help more than me but i have helped so many from suicide and i get nothing. NOTHING. I HATE HIM!!! I HATE HIM!!! he's always up there with his special angels, his special son, his special self!! I HATE HIM!!

...i hate him...

i helped others. don't i count for anything? don't i mean something?

...i guess not...i'm just a pathetic girl in this fucked up world and no one sees me b/c i'm just another being walking around in this crowd. this stupid...fucked up crowd.

...i hate life...

y the hell am i tell u all this? it's not like you'd care right? u have ur own problems and don't need to listen to me.

i'll just go for the night.

thanks for hearing me bitch all night.

Shia
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Thursday, November 30, 2006

hey all...ok...promise to not think me of a freak. i know i'm freaky looking and that i'm probably even really ugly but here i am. these were taken yesterday:








so yea...and yesterdays riddle

what goes eep and jumps 3ft?

DEANDRA!!! lol

Kadaj Lover X3

well tell me what u think of me and yea...be honest...i;'m ugly. >.<

Shia
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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

hi all. jd and i broke up. i'm ok tho ^^ promise. i knew it wou;dn't work yet i went for it anyway. grr i'm an idiot. ...it looks like i won't be posting my chapters for quite some time now. *sighs* i'm really sorry. honestly i am. i'm just. *shrugs* idk...

anyway i'm gonna go here's a riddle

what goes 'eep' and jumps 3 ft?

ANSWER TOMORROW!!!

oh! and my friends can't guess this unless they really don't know XD lol

well later
!!!!!!!!!!

Shia
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