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• 1993-04-10
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• 2006-11-11
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• Shia-Chan

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myOtaku.com: FREAKon theRUN93


Thursday, December 7, 2006

sorry. i shoulda posted earlier but i'm posting now. i'm not myself u could say.

i've been thinking for hours on end. up in my room just...thinking. i was outside for awhile taking pictures of the snow.

yes it snowed. *sighs* i sliped and slid down the road *it's a hill* on my ass. i wasn't happy. -_-

i think i hurt one of my friends by ignoring her on the bus today. (melly) i sat alone behind her and deandra and i stared out the window. and then...i blacked out. i can't remember how the day went either. it's all a big blurr to me. all i know is that on the bus it got suddenly quiet and these voices danced in my head. they kept saying "You let her see you cry" repeadently. (sp?) i was so confused. i cried. i had a melt down. and the thing is...i can't remember why it's odd...i don't remember anything. idk why. i mean. i remember things. like big important life things and what happened on the bus...but...idk...*sighs* nothing is all right. the family isn't doing so well, i'm always crying and i have to run to the bathroom at school just to look at myself in the mirror and say "Don't cry, if you do you'll let your friends down" i did that a couple times...i tried my hardest not to cry but on the bus...all it took was one tear and melly saw...

i guess u could say i'm a big baby b/c i have so many melt downs but i can't help it. i feel like a failure. i'm trying so hard to be perfect for everyone so they won't think i'm a fraud. but they already think that b/c i lie to them. i tell them i'm fine when i'm not. i smile to hide my pain. deandra confronted me once and told me she saw all the pain in my eyes and said i should stop faking. *shrugs* i'm a fraud. i'm a failing fraud.

idc anymore. if they don't need me they can say that but, *shrugs* idk...i've been so confused, so hurt, and i don't like to talk about why. *sighs* and i'm dumping it all on you. sorry.

*sighs* i'm gonna go. i'll tty all later.

Shia
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