Tuesday, April 13, 2004

   e.e
urgh...I guess I'm alot better at giving advice then I thought..^^; heh.I've had to talk five people out of suicide in the past three days.........-sighs- kinda sad..I don't think I got through to one of them......it feels like alot of my friends are leaving...and it's hurting me..deep down inside........

today I might be going to the movies with Takkun(MaryXDD!) n_nher birfday is tomarow..so her sister is taking me and some people to the movies to celebrate it today..its gunna be fun fun fun O_o

well..I've had two guys in one day confess their feelings about me e.e.....kinda scary..I've had alot of love problems lately...and at the completly wrong time..my friend just came out of no where saying how he would always love me and crap e.e...then another guy friend just kinda said the same thing.....but...my heart is ice...hence my screen name "frozen kokoro" o.Ohn..well....I must go call Takkun to see when we are leaving to the movies....
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   hey what do ya know Inuyashas on o.O;;
tehe o.O I like the compy up in this room..I can watch Inuyasha and be on the internet at the same time now XP muahaha o_O well anyway..Im sick v.v...well...I've been sick..for a while x.x..I've just been fighitng it off....my body can't handle stress too well anymore x.X...so yea.....kinda had a stressful day o__O;;; o.o I give up on my heart..e.e...yep that I do...O.o time I start hiding in my shell again..that way I don't get all stressed out and get sick x.x..well, Imma go watch Inuyasha now so...yea

ja n.n;
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Sunday, April 11, 2004

BEAUTIFUL ICE PRINCESS/PRINCE .You need distance
between you and your partner in your
relationship. You are very difficult to get.
You have big requirements and this one you love
must try hard to get you. But after she/he melt
your heart she/he will be the most happy person
in the world. You need someone who shoes you
that you are special and it makes you feel
good to see that you are loved. She/He shall
know that you could easily get another
girl/boyfriend but you wont as long as you
love him. when she/he hurts you you will hurt
him too, but in general you dont get hurt. If
your partner cheated you ,you would react cold
and immediately (try to) forget him
PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always
message me or tell me how I can improve that
quiz. Ill sure write back.


~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla

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Saturday, April 10, 2004

   UUUUUURGH >_<
whatever...Im so fucking sick of all this jealousy bullshit...I really am....ugh I FINALLY FIND SOMEONE WHO I FEEL COMFTERBLE WITH >.< GOD!!!!! just because someone doesnt like you as much as they do another person,doesnt mean you can just write that person off....especially if that person is your friend....ugh...you said you like your master better anyway...hn..whatever..Im done.Time to move on.......fuck you all.
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   -blink blink-
oooooo new fonty for today.lol.Well I havent really updated lately.Guess I'm slacking off.not like anyone reads this anyway ^^``.hn.so anyway.Mary slept over last night n_n. yay!!and we moved the compy upstairs into my sisters old room.tehe.so now I have cable,dvd,compy,and a couch in the same room muaha n.n its alittle strange being up here though...Im so used to the privacy of the basment e.e;plus it wus nice and dark and cold down there ;-; I miss it >_< damn mom takin me out of my enviorment ¬.¬well ANYWAY ^_____^ other then that everything is just peachy...n.n well..ja =D
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Tuesday, April 6, 2004

o_o;
hn..Well..nothing exciting happend today v____v;;..I went over to a friends house to DDR last night ^-^ that wus fun.Im so worried about everyone....I cant stand seeing others in pain anymore....its hurting me...the fact that they wont let me help them....Im just really scared that Im going to loose someone....and I dont want anyone dieing on me.....well..I moved on...yup yup...lol...moved on from what you say?..well...something*smiles* anyway..theres someone else....who I want to give my heart to...though he has no idea.hehe ^-^; I like him alot..and no im not mentioning his name >_____>;;;;;; <_____<;;;;Well...*sighs* anyway..I am gunna tell him soon v-v...if he isnt sad.then I'll tell him...I just dun like seein him sad thats what hurts...watching the ones I care about so much around me hurt....Ive changed....Im going to be the Sarah I was before....who is she though?...I still can't remember her.......

You are one sick and twisted motherfucker, thats
why I like you... You are going to the worst,
and most filthy depths of all. You're going to
the "Inner Layer" Even Satan is
afraid to touch you for you are marked with a
special... demon scent... Welcome to Eternity
in Hell.


Which kind of Hell are you going to?
brought to you by Quizilla

<<>>???What Kind Of Angel R You???<<>>( Anime Pics )
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Your Heart is Black


What Color is Your Heart?
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..............my heart may be black..but i almost certian it will beat as red as it did once before.......i hope..

Your anime hair color is blue.


What is your anime hair color?
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Your Winter! You are sophisticated and mature. You
have many friends, all of whom you are very
close to. People look up to you, and you are
known for your inifinate wisdom. Although, you
tend to prefer being by yourself, and reading a
good book


which season are you? (anime pics)
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You are Black.

Boasting of Power and mystery, you make for an
interesting person. But careful, you may scare
off any potential freinds with your short fuse.


What Color Best Represents Your Personality?
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You are Lestat, the most evil vampire, maker of
Louis and Claudia. Everything begins, and ends,
with you.


Which *Interview with the Vampire* character are you?
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o.o.....yea...dats true O_o;

~~~ETETNAL LOVE~~
Your proble having problems going on with life.
You had a girl/guy that dump you. Or they past
away. Your still inlove with this person and
it's really destroing your love life. So,a tip
for the wonded,try to get over it. It's better
for you and your exlove would want that for you
to.


LOVE SECTION, Whats your love type? very,very good pics.^-^
brought to you by Quizilla
.......yes ive been hurt...and yes...my love is eternal....but i am not stuck..on someone from my past.....more like..someone of my present..

Your Inuyasha! You are a punk, you like to pick
fights and hate being in school, your grades
are slipping but you don't care, you are having
to much fun to actually do anything about it!


What Inuyasha Character are you?
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O_O erm O_o;;;;;;XD

Which FLCL Character Are You ?
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You represent... insanity.
You're quite a quirky little creature. You're
emotions are varying. You may appear childish
and innocent, but you have a tendency to freak
out. You're incredibly random, but it's good
to be unique. People know you're an odd one,
but you certainly don't mind.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're the sad smile,the one that regrets nearly
everything and is constantly wondering about
what could have been.You're not happy with your
situation and usually blame yourself because of
the bad things that have happened.Cheer up.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
*ish not commenting on that n.n;;;*

water angel. The current. Peaceful yet strong.
Quiet also, and usually keep to yourself, or
your kind. Even though underneath your
controled by the the moon. Keep expanding, you
make all the difference.


What Element Angel Are You?
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Guys just love...your smile!


What Do Guys Love About You? (with pics :3)
brought to you by Quizilla
*smiles and giggles innocently*-^.^-

Otaku Level 6


What Stage of Anime Fandom That I Went Through Are You At?
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FREEDOM... your soul wants to be unbound...


What is your soul looking for?? (images)
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Gothic..Your a darkness queen.. you are who you
are.. yourself and nobody can change that..
thats what makes you sO great


What type of girl are you?? ~anime pics~
brought to you by Quizilla

Slut


.:: What's Your Anime Personalitiy? ::.
brought to you by Quizilla
You know...i always told my friends...if i was an anime character i would be the one who went from anime to anime sleepin with all the bishonens XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Goddess of the Moon. Beauty, yet a sadness lurks
about you at times. But hey, pain is beauty,
right?


What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

Dragon Wings


What Kind of Wings are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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Sunday, April 4, 2004

Ok...
Ok...well...I guess it is time that I tell the truth about myself...I am going to try and spill as much of my soul as I can right now....Ok..So let me start at the begining.I warn you...this is going to be a long post...

At the start of summer...I had began going through the normal change everyone faces...the transition from middle school to highschool..But this year had been different..I absolutly hated the first two years of middle school.It was absolute hell...I had been made fun of my entire life over petty things like my hight. or even just my beleifs...lets just say I dont think like someone my age does...I have a very matured soul..even though I do not act it at times.But anyway..so eighth Grade came. it was my fifth school I had ever been to.. first Conrad Fisher back in Bensonville.then when I moved I went to Walkers grove,then river veiw.then I was off to Heritage grove for sixth and seventh..then Drauden point was built..and I attended there in eighth grade.That year had been different....my grades were encredable..I had alot of friends...and..I won something that was very important to me...my metal...for most outstanding choir member...Not that I hold myself above anyone because of it...its just...I was very proud of myself..My entire life all I have wanted to do was sing..and I was finally getting recognized for my talent..I even got a solo at graduation...When I sang onstage...eveything in the world was right..it is the most encredible feeling...to just get comepletly lost in the music....So summer hit..my parents and sister werent talking because of the huge argument they had right before my sister moved away....this was I believe the third time it happend..I really couldnt take it anymore...the talking behind backs..(I get pulled into the middle of alot of stuff in my family...and often have to deal with the backlash)So I decided to play peacemaker again...well they started talking and all that..I remember it was the fourth of July..my sister was painting her soon-to-be room again....she was going to move her things back..i remember the day my mom had asked me if it was ok that Nicki moved back in..of course I said yes....stupid me..I knew what was going to happen...she was going to be disrespectful..then a year will pass and on another holiday they'll get into a fight and she'll move away again...But I kept my mouth shut as always...in the past,everytime I have tried to have a say in a household argument..i have been silenced.So I kind of learned not to speak in situations like that...So my sister moves back in..Supposidly she was telling my mother "horror" storys of her friend Brandons living conditions.So..my mother in her normal nature,let Brandon move in one week and three days after Nicki moved back...he lived in our spare bedroom...at the time my mother was working on independent films in Chicago and soon went back to work at nancys resturant where we used to live..she complained so much about the town we lived in.and How she missed Chicago..and how the people at Nancys were her real family...Life at home had begun to turn to shit..my sister was driving me insane..not to mention Brandon was too..Brandon used to kick me out of my own frontroom to tell my mom about the night he had with his boyfriend(Yes brandon is gay..but it really doesnt matter)The two were driving me litterally insane...It kind of sucks having your role as the fourteen year old girl taken over by a 21 year old guy..so yea..I just learned to keep to myself..I had gotten into drawing and writting alot..I could get my anger out that way..of course..that was when I still thought suicide and self-mutilation was stupid....earlier in June,we had gone bankrupt...Being a middle class family in America sucked at the time...and having two 21 year old,dependent children move in..didnt help the money issue..it only made our bills skyrocket...so now we are really broke.I just couldnt take it anymore..My mother was never there...Nicki was driving me crazy..Brandon was driving me crazy...my dad..I dont know..I was sick of him bitching about my sister all the time..and the thing I was sick of most.was having to take up the role as wife and mother..."I am only fourteen.I shouldnt have to be a wife and a mother yet" I remember those words written into my diary oneday. I barely said anything to my mother..the one person I had been so close with.....and everytime I did..all she did was Bitch about Plainfield and brag about nancys..and talk about all the people at nancys..I despretly needed an escape..so..one day I decided to start chatting again..I had chatted online a few years back..it was fun so I decided to go on there...maybe someone on there would listen to me..when i went into the msn chatrooms..I saw one named YuYuHakusho...I instantly went in,considering I was a HUGE ASS YYH fan at the time..and i met alot of people..I quickly befriended many..and i had learned to rp...this was my escape..just pretending everything was fine...and living in the perfect rp world...I was so hooked on it..I was never offline unless i was sleeping or taking a shower..my parents had let my sisters boyfriend move in.....so now there was me,my mom,my dad,my sister,Brandon,and sean....too many people in this house..it was insane...But soon my mom got sick of Brandon and asked him to leave...my Rp life had been going great...though I had developed these strange pains inside of my chest..right inside of my heart..I didnt know what they were..and they scared me..cause when they came...it was as if the pain was going to engulf me...like i was bleeding on the inside..Like I was dieing...But i ignored them..the pain had somehow given my comfert against the cruelty of the real world..I began dating my rp husband...brad...He was my first love...and I will always love him no matter what...we had planned our life together and everything...I was even going to go visit him over summer break.and....I didnt tell him or anyone..But I was planing to give him my virginity.....He ment that much to me..I just wanted to give him everything....But that love soon started to fade as I made a new char...Kagome...the day I made her..was the day I met Inuyasha..Derek..I pulled the arrow out and saved him..Like I said..my love for Brad had began to fade.......as I met everyone On Kagomes side...Yoko,Inu,Elle,alyssa,vash....kay and Yukina I had already known as Keiko...I really dont know but I had developed a huge crush on Inu....then...we couldnt pay the cable bill and we were about to lose the house.so the cable was shut off in order to pay bankrupcy that month...for a month I sat in my room....I had nothing..no escape..the closest to it was the phone..where I called Kay(kyrstin) constantly.....Shes my best friend..and I will love her no matter what.When the cable finally got turned back on...it seemed as though everything had changed....no one was the same...and...I had let my rl emotions slip out onto the rp..I was becoming more out of character....and I was no loner close with Inuyasha..I guess that hurt alot..I liked him so much...yet it seemed as though I was fadding away from everyones heart..my feelings for Derek grew so strong I just couldnt take it anymore...I was sick of lieing to Brad...so...I asked him to give me space..that I needed to recollect myself...But that wasnt the whole truth.......derek was part of the reason..deep down I knew it could never happen...I just wasnt thought about in the same way....But I still did it....I was so afraid to confront him....so I stayed silent...oh..i guess I forgot...on new years day..my sister and sean left.Just as i predicted..my parents and them got into a fight..Nicki accused them of "never trying to make any kind of relationship with sean.but oh they were best buddies with her ex".......well..her Ex,Andrew..he is very close to both my parents and myself...he is like my older brother.....theres no way that we are going to break off our relationship just because they arent together anymore....and about the not trying thing....any guy knows how precious his daughters are to him....and letting a guy move in,whom hes only met ONCE.live in the same room as his daughter,and fuck her under his roof, Is an attempt to start a relationship in my eyes....well..my mother quit work..she is probley one of the most confusing people I know..one day she complains about plainfield..and was going to leave me and my dad so she can go be with her so called "real family"..and is on the phone constantly talking about the same damn thing over and over and over again.then she quits work saying that her realy home is here in plainfield and that we are her real family...I was already dead at the time....any emotions of happyness I showed in the real world were fake..I often found myself crying at night before I fell asleep....and no one knew..but the pains in my heart....grew worse.....But i refused to tell..I had developed into a somewhat masocist...loving the pain.......it helped me forget about my emotional problems...the day My sister left.was the day I tryed to take my life....my mom had screamed at me because I was crying..of course I was crying....my sister was running away..and I didnt even know If I would see her again.....and I was scared..because with her gone...I really had no one on the outside..I was all alone after that...so I went upstairs after being yelled at....and grabed the nearest sharp object I could find...it took forever to break the skin with the pin i found laying around...it burned like hell...after a few small traces of blood were formed up my arm..i wanted to go online..I needed my escape....i needed to get away..but as soon as my mother saw me..she said she never wanted to see me again and told me to go up into my room.....I let whatever hate that had possesed me take over..and I went into the bathroom..there had to be something sharp in there...all I could find was a razor..so...I took it to my wrist. and began to cut..slicing up and down my vein..just watching my blood flow out of the wound, and drip off of my fragile,tainted skin.I was going to do it...this time i was going to die..but something stopped me...I dont know what...I sat on my bed in the dark and in complete silence,staying in the same position(my knees to my chest with my arms resting around them) for three hours straight..........So to speed up to now....here I am...still broken....my feelings for someone still strong..Im trying to fight them...because I know that it will never happen..i just cant get them away..........My heart is so broken and scared it is afraid to let go...maybe I subconsiously think that if I let go of whatever love is left in my heart..i will never be able to love again......and no matter how many times I say that I am restarting fresh...I will never be happy...and I will never feel...until someone helps me out of this damned abyss I have crawled into..but that will never happen...because the person I am....was one that was never ment to be loved..in the way that I could love another.....
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Saturday, April 3, 2004

   a fresh start and a brand new Sarah

Which Inuyasha Character Will You Have a Fling With? by wingedfantasy84
Your Name:
Your Fling is with:	Inuyasha
How was It:	Wonderful
Who did you make jealous?	Sango
The Date	August 23, 2009
Your Icon:
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

well...hn..where do I start? ^-^I havent updated in a few days so i thought i should. I started fresh......I needed a restart or i was going to explode x.X;;not that Im leaving my other chars...Keiko got a fresh start with her kitsune pack.Kagome got a fresh start..and is now happily together with someone <_<......>_>.....lol.and now I have Hiroko.The spunky,child like,innocent Neko =^__^= mew!ok so ANYWAY o_o. I went to Barnes and nobles today.I GOT KISS ME KILL ME VOLUME ONE!!!! WOOHOO! Im so happy I got it. I wanted to check it out really bad and I couldnt find it anywhere >.<. but i found it MUAHAHAH O_O.okie well I'll post on here later
ja! ^______^
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Tuesday, March 30, 2004

O.O

You're A Villian!
You evil person, you. You have a dark side to you.
Your destiny is world destruction/domination.
Just so long as those pesky heros stay out of
your way.


What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
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Monday, March 29, 2004

hn..
I havent really updated here in a while..erm...no reason..-.-; well......urgh why do I always fall inlove so quickly even though I know I have no chance O_o;; erm...guess it's just a character flaw but whatever...hn.I keep having stress attacks X.x;; my poor chest.....-.- I need to stop playing rough in Gym..I keep getting hurt ._. .....everytime I actually get into the game..I almost break something or comeout all bruised and crap x.X;; its fun though >___> .....*coughs all sick like* =.=...urgh..I feel like Im diein o-O.... I still have two weeks before spring break...gosh bamnit >-< I wanna get off school now! o_o...oh yea!!! I added a song to muh journal ^-^ I love it. Its called Love Love show o.o....its awesome and always makes me happy.........I dun know why..it just makes me smile..I guess thats why I put it on muh journal ^-^! well you should listen to it... ._. hn..well I really have nothing else to say so Imma go now ^-^...


"I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed"
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