Friday, April 16, 2004

   ....o.o....
so yea...what to say..I dont know..e.e...I went over to Julians house with yessi last night..it was fun.everyone was being crazy and stuff..I dont know I guess I just wasnt in the mood for crazyness....and plus I tend to be very silent around people im not comfterble with or that Im not used to being by.The entire night Albert(julians brother) and all the other guys kept telling my to loosen up e-e;; oops?...well..i dont know I guess I was just really heavy in thought..and I guess I had a sad look in my eyes? e.e; oh well -sighs-

I know many want to know what I did last night..because my screen name was appologizing for doing something I didnt want to do..then it was changed to just simply "dont talk to me" ...well......fine....I'll tell the truth ok? >.<

When i got home..i guess i was alittle upset...I was being excluded from the entire night...Yessi was getting all the attention from everyone..but I didnt care..I really didnt.I liked just being able to watch everyones smiles.not to mention yessi made out with Albert for like an hour straight on the blow up matress XDDD.I was very happy for her...it made me smile..of course the smile came after I mouthed the words "oh my god" and turned my head away from them.when i walked in the front door,my mother was asleep and my dad was on the computer....I went into a morbid stage..and sat in complete darkness in my room listening to my evanescence cd..I started to cry..for the first time in a while..and for no reason...I just sat there and cried..then.....something made me go look for my pins......and i found them..I dug them into my ankle....but of course didnt break the skin...but something made me abandon both my room and the pin..and go get a razor out of the bathroom...I did that...I didnt want to die or anything....I just wanted to see my blood...and......I placed the razor on my ankle again...pressed down hard..and pulled it up my ankle...I tore off a piece of skin..and it was bleeding..I watched my blood drip down both my ankle and my foot......it ...wouldnt stop bleeding...no matter how much i coverd it..I knew I had dug deep.....the blood just constantly flowed from the wound...i then placed the razor to my wrist....but before I did anything I heard my dad come out of the computer room....I put the razor down and walked into the room,and went on the computer......Derek was the only one I told.....about my cutting....Im sorry....please forgive me........
Comments (0)