Monday, October 2, 2006

   My frog sits there, uneaten

Today I tried to read my history book, fell asleep several times and learned that there was an Amish school shooting before I finished reading. I have much more homework to do. *sigh* I wish that I already knew how to sew perfectly and that I enjoyed sewing. Unfortunately, I suck at sewing and I hate all the measuring and corrections you have to do. Our house is a dump. A guest came over to spend eight days here so yesterday was filled with furiously cleaning our house. My sisters got me sick again. I feel horrible. My throat hurts, I can't breathe through my nose, and I can bearly talk because of all the mucus lodged in my throat. Yuck.

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Friday, September 29, 2006

Fail

My mom is being annoying. Maybe I should just forget about morals and trying to be "a good person". I am not alright. I want to feel better but there is nothing that I can do.

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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Interruption

I guess that I am addicted. I didn't plan to be writing back this soon but i just can't stand it. I don't care. No one else will listen to me except myself. I feel like I'm about to break. I can't take this anymore. I just want to start screaming hysterically and bang my head against the wall. I can't breath or see because I've been crying so much. I can't take this anymore I can't take this anymore I can't take this anymore

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Sunday, September 24, 2006

My blog is on hiatus

I think that I am addicted to this site I have decided that I talk to myself because I need someone to listen. Addictions are bad. I should take a break from this site. I have to catch up on homework, set priorities and all that good stuff.

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Saturday, September 23, 2006

THE WORLD IS A GIANT JIGSAW PUZZLE

My piece doesn't fit anywhere. Maybe I should say goodbye.... My parents are just...ugh My mom offered to let me study at the library with her this afternoon and she makes me wait about three hours for here to make carrot juice, make lunch, go walking, and all this other stuff. It wasted the entire morning and I would have been better off studying at home. When I got home I just procrastinated. I really really want these japanese style school bags but they're too expensive on ebay. I can't get them from Japan because most sellers refuse to ship internatonally. So, I either have to get a job or move to Japan. Now that I've learned more about the Japanese school system, I've realized that I'd die if I had to go to a Japanese school. Anyway, my mom walks in the room and I close the computer window because she like to nag me whenever she sees that I'm procrastinating. She says, "WHAT WERE YOU DOING?" and I told her that I was looking for bags. "DON'T LIE TO ME!" she said. I event went into the history and showed her the different bags I was looking at and she still wouldn't believe me. I told her that I closed the screen because she would get mad if she knew that I wasn't working on my homework. Now she'll probably tell my dad the I was looking at porn online and he'll forbid me to use the computer like he did with the TV. I need this blog. Ranting on it is the only thing that keeps me sane. My parent's rules are making less sense every single day. ***Edit*** My mom just came into my room to nag me again. Then she wonders why I hate being around her.

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Shine and vanish, firefly star

Crap. i should be starting my homework but I am too pissed off. I hate school. All I do is go to school, do homework, study and complain on this blog. My mom makes studying even harder. What is the point? I hate it. I have to do a stupid 8 page paper on enzymes and another one of the same length for History. European History drains my energy and all I do in Web Design is study for history. I'm t.i.e.r.e.d. It's just treadmill on and treadmill off for me. The most peaceful thing that I can think of to do is bang my head against the wall. I can't talk to anyone. I've been to the guidence counselor numerous times and she hasn't helped. My therapist just sits there and asks me, "How are you feeling?" over and over and over again. My teachers don't care as long as I'm not disruptive in class and not failing. My parents are total idiots. I should just run away with some murderer that I meet online. Death is welcome. The strap on my backpack ripped. This day just keeps getting worse.

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Thursday, September 21, 2006

   Let's catch the bus

I feel like jumping off a building or banging my head against the wall. I feel so depressed. Today, a police officer came and talked about sexual predators on the internet and stuff. She showed us videos too. We also read a newspaper artical about some cheerleading coach in a nearby city that raped someone. It reminded me of my stalker. He sounds just a weird guy but you never know. He could be lying about everything that he told me and will eventually abduct me on the way to school or something. I never told him my phone number nor my adress yet he knows them because telemarketers get easy access to this stuff. It's funny. My dad and my teacher and the police officer are paranoid that about me talking to people online. No one is ever interested in getting to know me online. Instead, I'm being persued by a telemarketer. He has called me every day since Monday. Is he so lonely that he has nothing to do but call an annoying, self-centered, depressed, useless girl like me? A girl at my school asked me to do Mehndi for her. When I looked for her at the time we agreed during lunch she wasn't there. Jerk.

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   I'm reaching my breaking point

I've been awake since two a.m. doing homework again. The printer is being evil and won't print the assignment for my class. I don't want to go to school today.

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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

   It's 5a.m.

On Monday my mom was nagging me all morning as I was getting ready for school. Yesterday I woke up at 2 a.m. to finish my homework, then I fell asleep again and woke up late. I went to school with my hair uncombed an no deoderant on. -_-; I just wanted to go home. I took three tests yesterday and I don't think that I did well. I recieved a call from my stalker. He doesn't seem normal. I've been practicing on various people:

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Monday, September 18, 2006

   Procrastinating again

There are a lot less people from countries where Mehndi is commonly done at my high school than there were in middle school. When I came to school with the designs on my hands people's reactions ranged from, "Is that henna?" to "Did you draw on your hand with a marker?" to "WTF is wrong with your hand?" -_-; I have a lot of henna paste left over and not enough hands to decorate. So this afternoon I did designs for my sisters and the neighbors. My neigbhors acted like complete jerks to me but I did the designs for them just so that I could practice. I hate the way the design on my hand looked. I shouldn't have tried Mehndi for the first time in a place that everyone can see. -_-; I'm considering wearing a glove on my left hand for the next three weeks. Tabby-chan asked for an explanation of what Mehndi is. Mehndi is a five thousand year old art form that is widely practiced in India, the Middle East, and Northern Africa. I read that it is practiced in Southest Asia too but it's not as widespread. Basically, you make a paste from the leaves of the henna plant and draw designs on your body. Traditionally you only paint it on your hands and feet but some people put it just about anywhere. It is often used in events like weddings and other auspicious events. (Wow, I'm starting to sound like a textbook) They say that the darker the the stain of the Mehndi on a bride's hand, the more her husband will love her. Some people do it because they're bored or they like the way it looks. Here is what good Mehndi looks like: I must study now. I have three tests tommorrow. Wow, I'm such a bad student.

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