Sunday, September 17, 2006

I'd rather practice Mehndi than write an essay on Julius Caesar

I hate school. I don't see the point in trying anymore. I want to be homeschooled or take all of my remaining classes online just so that I can be done with it. I tried doing Mehendi for the first time yesterday. The design on my left palm turned out really bad. It smeared all over the joints and the lines look awful. The one I did on the back of my hands look better but you can barely see it. My fingernails look orange. -_-; Here is a picture of my crappy first attempt at doing Mehendi. I want to do my right hand too but that would mean that I would have to draw the designs with my left hand. Considering that I'm right handed, I don't think that would be a good idea. It's too bad that the paste only has a self life of three days. If I find the money to buy more henna powder I'll try practicing more.

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Friday, September 15, 2006

   Weird encounter with a telemarketer

This afternoon the phone rang and my grandmother answered it. She can't speak English so she gave the phone to me. It turns out that it was a telemarketer. Here's the conversation that we had. Telemarketer: Do you speak Spanish? Me: No TM:Where are you from? Bangladesh? Me: No TM: Mexico? Pakistan? El Salvador? Me:No TM: (mentions a long list of countries) Me: No. I tell him where I'm from and he doesn't even know where it is! TM: Well I wanted to tell you about all this money that you could save on your mortgage and blah blah blah blah blah Me: ..... TM: Do you live at [Insert my address here]? Me: Yes... TM: blah blah blah blah blah...Do you own a house or do you rent? Me: I'm still in high school. TM: Oh! Wow, you sound older. You have a really nice voice! Me: uhhh....Thank you TM: No, I really like your voice! I want to form a friendship with you! Me: I'm not interested in buying whatever it is you're trying to sell me. TM: It doesn't matter. I want to form a friendship with you. My name is [insert his full name here] and I'm 21 years-old. I'm a financial adviser! I'm single and I like music and poetry and going clubbing. Do you like music? I love listening to music. Youprobably don't like poetry because English isn't your native language and you have trouble understanding it. I believe that all people are sincere blah blah blah.....You have a really nice voice! Can I have your cell phone number? Me: No. I don't have a cellphone. TM: Oh well, I guess I'll have to call you at this number. You have a great voice. I hope for the best in you. I have to go back to work. I'll call you again later. Bye! Me: ........ Anyway, this guy really freaked me out. I hope that he's just some weirdo who regularly tries to make friends with underage girls that he meets over the phone. I could be wrong. He could be a sex offender who will drive by my house someday, kidnap me and turn me into his sex slave. He already knows my address and home phone number. Why was he so obsessed with my voice? I hate my voice whenever I hear it recorded. I sound so bored when I speak. I have mixed feelings though. I'm used to being either ignored or criticized and I liked the feeling of knowing that someone was interested in being my friend.

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   Stupid computer

Wow, I hate Myself. At least I got a break from school.

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Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Oh, wow

I completely wasted my day. I had a lot of work to do. I'm not done with it yet. T_T I practically had to beg my dad to come to Open House at my school and he got lost and only went to two of my classes. I wish that tommorow was Friday.

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   Where is my mind?

It's nearly four a.m. and I am working on homework. *sigh* This is the hardest class I've ever taken. (That is, the subject is difficult. Some classes are hard because the teacher) I have a take home quiz. I was happy and and thought that I'd finally get an "A" in this class but it is really hard. There's nothing much to say.I was mentally prepared (and extremely anxious) about being "dead". When I woke up in the morning and realized that I was still alive I felt depressed. I need a vacation from life. I shouldn't come back until I am mentally able to deal in this world.

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Saturday, September 9, 2006

I am pathetic

At least I've stopped throwing up.

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Sunday, September 3, 2006

   The trip from Here to There

Grrr....okay, I have to rant here. I'm feeling suicidal agian (pfft like I ever stopped). I hate being alive. Why did I wait so long. It's been months nothing has gotten better. The only reason why I've delayed it so long was because other people have told me no. No. Don't do it. You'll burn in hell. You'll make your family's life hell. You'll be reborn into a cockroach and you'll have to work your way back up to being a human. I don't care. I don't care. I know that my family would be happy to have me gone. One less mouth to feed. One less annoyance in their life. I'd rather be a cockroach that a human. I'm going to hell anyway. It doesn't matter. I can't stand this anymore. No matter how much I wait I can't find a reason to live. Why should I go on feeling like shit when it wouldn't make any difference whether I'm alive or not?! I can't be arrested if I'm dead. My parents can just adopt some orphan who can appreciate all the material things that I have if they think that I'm a brat for wanting to be dead if I have all this material stuff. It doesn't matter if I fail and I end up brain damaged or crippled for the rest of my life. T_T I need materials. Money, rubber bands, sleeping pills, a tank of hydrogen, plastic bags. I wish that I could get my hands on a gun but that's never going to happen.

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Saturday, September 2, 2006

   Voulez-vous jouer avec moi?

I've already wasted half the day. Recently, I've been having this strange desire to learn French. However, I'm already studying both Spanish and Japanese at my school and there is no more room in my schedule for MORE language classes. Oh well. Maybe I can teach myself? I used to speak French when I was three. My parents and my grandmother can speak it... My dad doesn't want me to learn French though....he says that he never uses his French and would prefer that I focus on learning "useful" languages instead.

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Friday, September 1, 2006

I can't see a thing

Volunteering at the library without my glasses SUCKED. My eyes are useless. I had to hold the videos up to my nose in order to see the letters. It turns out that my mom had my glasses since last night. That's mean. Whenever she loses her reading glasses she makes everyone else's life hell. I don't use my glasses just for reading. I use them for everything. My therapist didn't mention anything about changing schools when I saw her today. I did her homework in the hour before I had to go see her. I'm currently watching movies that 'normal' teenagers saw when they first came out in thearters (which is years ago). I want netflix.

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   I can't find my glasses

Yesterday, a lot of things reminded me why I hate myself. My dad reminded me in the morning, homework throughout the day, my World history teacher and my therapist in the afternoon and room in the evening. I had a terrible headace so I took an Advil and slept until 7 a.m.

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