Tuesday, August 29, 2006

   I'm relieved.

I'm such a procrastinator. I didn't do any homework all day. The tropical storm was pathetically weak and I was afraid that I'd have to go to school tommorow. I checked on the news and no one mentioned it. I asked my dad if I could check online and he wouldn't let me and said that I should check on tv. I checked the tv still nothing. When my dad wasn't looking I sneaked around and found out that there's no school tommorow. So I'm not dead (yet). Study,study,homework,homework. I hate school. I should shock myself with electricity whenever I procrastinate or something. To make things worse, my therapist gave me homework. I have 75 pounds of homework to do and she gives me homework?! Isn't she supposed to be helping me? I have to read a long book about self esteem and do a project by Friday for her in addition to all the other homework and studying that I have to do. At this rate, I'll never survive my final years of school. I hate working, but I want a job so that I can buy things. Is that greedy and materialistic? Whenever I ask my parents for something they say to buy it myself. Unless I find seeds to grow a money tree I'll have to work. T.T Yay! I have a whole two cents in my piggy bank!

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Monday, August 28, 2006

   A day of Revelations: Sore throats, hurricanes, and exchange students

Blech! I have a sore throat. I'm getting a cold. I hate being sick. T.T Guess what? Another hurricane is comming my way. Technically it's a tropical storm right now. I don't see why the kids at my school are so excited. Hurricanes mean no electricity, no clean water,no air conditioner, cold showers, eating canned food and PB & J for days, waiting in the hot sun for hours to get ice and water, the living room being flooded, doing homework by candle light etc. Did I mention that our neighbors have the power to keep us crazy with their generators' incessant noise? Anyway, the kids at my school cheered "Yay! No school!" while I thought, "Stupid hurricane! Oh well, at least I have more time to study for my history class so that I'll be less likely to fail." Our teachers gave us extra work to do during the hurricane. There is a Japanese exchange student at my school. She's in none of my classes. T.T I saw her at lunch but I was too shy to go see her. Her name is Mimi. At lunch one of the otaku at my school went up to her and said, "ぼくのピニスはおおきいです", which basically means "I have a big penis" in Japanese. -_-; Idiot. Anyway, Mimi responded by saying, "You wish!" Supposedly, she can speak English very well and has practically no accent. Oh well. I can't even make friends with any of the students at my school so I shouldn't even bother talking to her. I'm a bad friend. I don't keep in contact with anyone whether it is in real life or online. I'm going to go do my homework today before the power goes out and I have to study by candle light like I did last year.

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Sunday, August 27, 2006

   Yummy Pixels and studying the Diet of Worms

I changed my layout again. T.T It’s disgusting. I’m a chronic procrastinator in every area of life except making layouts. I refuse to get up from the computer until I finish and it takes hours or days. Anyway, I like it. It’s sweet (so sweet that it will give you cavities) and more interesting than my previous layouts. I’m sorry for those of you who can’t stand the color pink. ^_^ Aye, I’m so tired. I spent three hours reading half a chapter in my European History book and looking for science project ideas for chemistry class. I hate science projects. I’m sleepy. I don’t feel like going to school tomorrow. Anyway, a lot of stuff happened over the weekend. My therapist suggested changing schools. The only reason why I would agree to changing schools is because I wouldn’t have to spend an hour or more being driven to school by car. It won’t improve much else though. School is school and people are the same no matter where you go. My mom was seriously considering it though. Though the school that I’m currently attending is far from my house and I feel alienated there, there are also a lot of advantages. I’m always running away from my problems and it never helps. I bet that if I left no one would notice though. My mom dragged me around the college library with her and I looked at all the school supplies. She ended up selling her old Microbiology book that I bought on eBay for her and she used it to buy me a new wheeled backpack. Wheeled backpacks are definitely better than lugging a suitcase to school everyday and won't worsen back problems. :-p On Saturday my sister went to the emergency room. I felt sorry for her because she was in so much pain. The doctors and nurses ended up making things worse and she has to go back on Monday. She’s back to her old annoying and violent self now so I guess that it wasn’t too serious. My brain vomited in church today. Why do I have to have a super religious mother and grandmother and a secular dad? I think that the only reason why he doesn’t call himself an atheist in because my mom would want a divorce if he did. Anyway, I’m torn between two contradictory beliefs. For my mother and grandmother, religion is a source of strength, community and a bunch of other good stuff. For my father his secularism gives him freedom. I’m just confused. I get all the “don’t do this” and “you’re an evil person” without any of the strength, faith, or feelings belonging. I know that I’m a selfish and self-centered person but I don’t want to change. I don’t know what to do and it causes a lot of confusion. It’s very depressing and my brain won’t shut up. If I’m made to burn why don’t I just kill myself now and get it anyway? I’m typing this at the college library computer and the person sitting next to me is really gross.

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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Time machine:Towards to Past, To the future...zoom! shazoom!

Grr.. It's past seven thirty, I'm stuck at my mom's school and I have seventy pounds of homework to do. I've been spending the last two and a half hours trying to read my European history book. I don't understand it and I'm still not done. After this I still have to answer questions, study vocab, make an outline and section review for chemestry and study for two chapter tests in World history and Web design. T.T I hate European history and all the stupid kings all names Henry/Edward/Charles/Louis the XXIV or whatever and all the wars they started. The Renaissance is worse than the Middle Ages. If the next seven years of my life are going to be like this I'm either going to burn out or drop out. I can't believe I'm saying this but I miss last year. The teachers and students sucked but the work wasn't so hard. T.T Hardwired Dvorak keyboards are ridiculously expensive ($89 is the lowest price I've seen) but it's such a pain to type on keyboards that aren't my own and forbid me to access the control panel. I would carry around the keyboard and plug it in to the evil school/library/office computers. I must go back to work if I want to get any sleep tonight and get a passing grade.

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Monday, August 21, 2006

   I'm not living, I'm just killing time

I wish that I could get to know the people around me but that would never happen. I'm still looking for a reason to get up every morning.

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Sunday, August 20, 2006

   Shame, shame

Procrastinating is bad. Don't ever do it. I can't believe that we have so much homework the first week of school. It used to be that we didn't do any real work until October. It's a shame that I care more about taking pictures of my shoes and decorating my site than learning about chemistry and history. I'm going to be up until 3 a.m. doing homework. T.T

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Friday, August 18, 2006

Death of Tiamat

Yay! I survived my first week of school. The first day sucked. I felt worthless and lonely. My teachers are decent. I'm starting to believe that I know more about computers than my Web Design teacher. The girl who sits next to me definitely knows more than the teacher. That's bad because that means I'll never get good at designing web pages. We haven't even started learning about html. It’s annoying because I can’t switch the school computers to Dvorak. My English teacher is odd. I hear that his class in as hard as a college level senior English class. Great. T_T. I hear that if you fail his class then you fail at life. At least five times during each class my European History teacher goes into a long rant about how Western Society is going to crumble and how the rest of the world hates the U.S. and terrorists will kill us all. AT LEAST FIVE TIMES PER CLASS. T.T My chemistry teacher isn't that entertaining but the teacher is nice and does all these weird science experiments. Anyone who has trouble staying awake in that class should be forced to take Spanish III with my old Spanish teacher and learn what a boring teacher is really like. My world history teacher is the same as my geography teacher from last year and I have her at the end of the day again. The only difference is that the rest of the class isn't as loud and annoying as last year so she doesn't yell at us much. For the first three days I had a whole table to myself for lunch. However, on Thursday I found other people sitting in "my" table and had to eat outside. I feel so ashamed. I actually care about my appearance now. Last year was the first time that I went to a school that didn’t require uniforms. Everything I wore was off the clearance rack at Wal-mart. I wore hot pink T-shirts that were too small for me with brown skirts and dirty white sneakers. I still don’t wear expensive clothes but at least they look halfway decent. I wear accessories and try to match now too. T.T I feel better about the way that I look now (at least until my hair starts to look ugly again). However, no one else cares. They still think that I’m ugly. Why should I dress up just to go to school? Oh well. I still think that the trends that the other people in my school follow look stupid. *cough*skunkhair*cough* I’d rather wear uniforms or uniform style clothing to school anyway. Japanese school uniforms look like haute couture compared to the uniforms I used to wear. The crap I used to wear vs. Japanese school uniforms I’m becoming so materialistic. I want things I don’t even need. It seems like MyOtaku is dying. No one is updating. Oh well. Maybe it’s just me.

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Monday, August 14, 2006

I go by Introverted Freak

Nyeh, Today was the first day of school and a lot of stuff happened. By the end of the day I wanted to jump out of the window. I don't have time to write more because I have to go to bed early (I have to wake up at 4 a.m. on school days. I spent so much time on summer homework that I never got to "enjoy" my summer.

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Friday, August 11, 2006

   *bangs head on monitor*

This week just keeps getting worse by the minute. My mom got me in trouble, the computer is screwed up and so is my account and I basically threw money down the toilet. School starts in three days and I'm not prepared at all. My mom has been entertaining herself all day by taunting and criticizing me. I want to sleep for a long long time. Nyuu. I have a question to ask anyone who bothers to read this. How old do you think I am? I'm obsessed with age so I was just wondering.

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Wednesday, August 9, 2006

   I feel stupid

I failed a test twice today. T.T I'm not good at anything. I'm not smart, friendly, or talented. I don't even want to do anything with my life. I hate my teacher. He ruined most of my summer. The only "happy thoughts" I have are when I'm imagining that I'm someone else.

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