Wednesday, May 24, 2006

   HURRICANES SUCK!

My mom refuses to even think about hurricane season. She's going to wait until the moment we lose power and our house becomes flooded to pay attenion. From a hurricane project I learned that on the off chance you do move here this is what you should do to prepare: 1. Buy enough food and bottled water for at least 3 days 2. Put all of these supplies in your car 3. Drive to Nebraska and stay there until Halloween Unfortunately not many people follow this sensible plan. So in that case, you'll need hurricane insurance which is fairly easy to get if: 1. Your house is reasonably built and 2. It is located in Nebraska. Unfortunately if your home is located in South Florida or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane most insurance companies won't sell you insurance. That is because they might be required to pay YOU money which is not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. You'll also need hurricane shutters or hurricane proof windows. Hurricane proof windows look like ordinary windows but can withstand hurricane winds. You can be sure of this because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska. You'll also need: · 23 flashlights · At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes out, to be the wrong size for the flashlights. · Bleach ( no, I don't know what the bleach is for but it's traditional, so just BUY some!) · A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant · A big knife that you can strap to you leg (this will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool) · A large quantity of bananas to placate the monkeys ( ask anyone who was around during hurricane Andrew, there WILL be irate monkeys.) · $35,000 in cash or diamonds so after the hurricane you can buy a generator from a man with no teeth. Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws nearer, you must stay updated by tuning in to the weather channel and watching T V reporters in rain slickers standing right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is to stay the hell away from the ocean.

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