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Vitals

Location
• In my mind, in the most mundane and petty town ever
Member Since
• 2006-04-21
Occupation
• Student
Real Name
• not tellin'

Personal

Achievements
• umm...I don't know. I had straight A's my first year of high school.
Anime Fan Since
• Does it matter?
Favorite Anime
• I don't really watch anime anymore but I like Rose of Versailles and Utena
Goals
•

  • stop procrastinating
  • learn to sew
  • live instead of exist
  • spend less time on the computer
  • relearn Japanese
  • Get more sleep
  • Do well in school (without going insane)
  • get a job

Hobbies
• sewing, going online, obsessing
Talents
• Being sad




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myOtaku.com: FruitDefendu


Sunday, September 3, 2006

   The trip from Here to There


Grrr....okay, I have to rant here.

I'm feeling suicidal agian (pfft like I ever stopped). I hate being alive. Why did I wait so long. It's been months nothing has gotten better. The only reason why I've delayed it so long was because other people have told me no. No. Don't do it. You'll burn in hell. You'll make your family's life hell. You'll be reborn into a cockroach and you'll have to work your way back up to being a human.



I don't care.




I don't care. I know that my family would be happy to have me gone. One less mouth to feed. One less annoyance in their life. I'd rather be a cockroach that a human. I'm going to hell anyway. It doesn't matter.


I can't stand this anymore. No matter how much I wait I can't find a reason to live. Why should I go on feeling like shit when it wouldn't make any difference whether I'm alive or not?! I can't be arrested if I'm dead. My parents can just adopt some orphan who can appreciate all the material things that I have if they think that I'm a brat for wanting to be dead if I have all this material stuff. It doesn't matter if I fail and I end up brain damaged or crippled for the rest of my life.

T_T

I need materials. Money, rubber bands, sleeping pills, a tank of hydrogen, plastic bags. I wish that I could get my hands on a gun but that's never going to happen.

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