Tuesday, October 5, 2004

   back to one's self.

wow. watta change of attitude. honestly, last time, i'm really suicidal. i wanna die then. lolz. but i don't want to get hurt. ^__^ if i got hurt, raijin-sama and a lot of friends will get mad at me. ^__^ and i promise not to because i almost did the same thing 3 years ago. luckily i got to vent over someone and i am very very indebted to that 2 person. ^__^ although i rant a lot, they still and will still understand my feelings. thanks mark and jie... ^__^

as raijin-sama said to his comment, we sorted things out. i went to their house, i don't know how. honestly, i don't want to go there because of the fight. but for some unknown reason, my feet just dragged me there. -_-; the face the danger of going there 'coz whenever i'm problematic, i'm an accident prone. -_-; i don't look at where i'm heading. o_o;;

when i get there, he's still sleeping. ^__^ honestly, he sleeps like a baby. XD he sleeps like gokou. XD then after he did his stuffs, we talked about everything.

i admit my fault. it was my fault. i just feel too confident about our relationship. because he love me that much, i became too abusive of it. as what chona-chan said, i already got someone i love and someone who loves me too and i still do things that i used to do when i was still single. i don't act my age and my status, that's all. my atchi mi told me "watta girlfriend are you." -_-; yeah i know, i'm not that good of a gf to raijin-sama, and that's why i'm so sad and ashame of myself. getting carried away with my feelings. damn. *whacks herself* x_X;; i didn't get contented with what's on my hands and asked for more. maybe the reason i don't get along pretty well with others eventhough i'm friendly. maybe i'm just trying too hard? o_o *shrugs*

anywayz, it's our 11th monthsary today. ^__^ honestly, it's 10/6 here. but i don't know about the time here in myO. o_o another month and it'll be our anniversary. ^__^ how time flies! XD

i really really appreciate all of ur concern, advices and comments! *hugz everyone* i'm glad ur not like some of my so-called friends. at least, you got an open-mind. some of my so-called friends blame raijin-sama whenever we have fights eventhough i clarified that it's my fault. o_o;

thanks to ryu-chan, brooke-chan, sachiko-chan, ami-chan, sweetz-chan, chona-chan, youki-chan (for the comment and pm. ^__^), panda-chan, maris-chan and last but not the least, raijin-sama, for everything. ^__^ *hugz again*

ok, that's all for the mushiness. XD it's getting late and i might not make it to all ur sites. oh yeah, i submitted another greetings yesterday. hope they approve it. ^__^

again, thank you minna!!! ^__^

ja ne~

me loves raijin-sama! ^__^

EDIT: baka baka! i almost forgot. -_-; HAPPY 11TH MONTHSARY RAIJIN-SAMA!!!!!

this is a clip from the manga Rekka no Honoo aka Flame of Recca. i really love this scene. XD fuuko-sama's chibi form is so cute!!! XD
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Monday, October 4, 2004

SALVA MOI.

french, anyone? the title is from 'Salva Nos', an ost of the anime NOIR. instead of 'Salva Nos' which means 'Save Us', i made it 'SALVA MOI' which means 'SAVE ME'.

last time, i said i wasn't feeling well. and i still am not feeling all that good. why? because i did something terrible to the one i love the most. honestly, i feel very very funny. i don't know. tears wouldn't cease to drip and it annoys me. i feel really really bad. why is it that i always hurt those that i love? why? i love them but why can't i do something good for them? why do i always hurt them? WHY? damn it. why did God create me this way?! why?! or is it the way i grew up? then why did i grew up to be this pathetic? why?! i always said to people, 'just be urself', 'u can do it', 'ur more than that'. then why can't i apply it to myself? many sees me as a happy-go-lucky person. always smiling, as if i don't have problem. i seem to be ordinary and simple. but deep inside resides a pathetic and pretender.

i pretend to be ok, but i'm not. i pretend to be cheerful, but i'm not. and i pretend to know, but i don't.

i don't know what to do anymore. my mind's so full, i don't know what to think anymore. i feel funny and sad and mix. i don't know. fuck, i'm screwed up.

sorry about that. now you know me better. why here? i got a lot of other blogs but why rant this here? i just want you all to know how stupid i am...how pathetic i am...i don't know if you'll understand, but hopefully...

ja ne~

me loves raijin-sama...

P.S. nobody's to blame here but me. it's because of things that i do without me thinking. again...sorry for the rant...hope you understand...thank you...

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Sunday, October 3, 2004

   somehow...

things didn't go as expected but somehow i had fun. ^__^

first, i woke up early. yeah, i lacked sleep again. -_-; i just slept for...4 hours? -_-; i'm to go to mass with atchi mi (atchi's a chinese term for older sister. she's my cousin, the one who gave birth last month. ^__^). as i've said earlier, i'm suppose to treat my bestfriends. but due to some unexpected circumstances; it's already there finals and i understand. so i got to re-sked it. o_o well, i just went home with atchi mi and we decided to go to divisoria (a place here in the philippines where you can buy things in cheaper price. oh, and they got a lot of pirated cds there so sue me for buying some. XD i want to somehow save money and i am not very much on qualities. when i watched a movie, i don't repeat it a lot. twice or thrice will be enough.). she wants to buy a cd and i thought, maybe i'll buy something for them. my treat for my birthday. ^__^ when we got there, i decided to buy some for myself too. ^__^ i bought dvds of scary movie 3, jackass 2 and 3. ^__^ i also want to buy shindlers list 'coz i've been somewhat interested on hitler. ok ok, i know he's insane. but i'm just curious of him. i dunno. XD but i don't have enough money anymore. and on top of that, they also got yu-gi-oh! movie. reminds me of raijin-sama. T.T i'll just return sometime. XD then after purchasing, we bought some food and headed back to their house. after some chit-chatting, i decided to go home.

on my way home, i passed by the cafe and decided to play for 2 hours. played RO, partied with someone and it helped me to level up a bit. ^__^ 6 jobs to go so i can change to my 2nd job. w00t~ after that, when home and thought of something.

when i got here, i saw my cousin edna in front of my pc. greeted my granny and mom. i told them i want to go out with edna. ^__^ actually, my mom didn't know i got money 'coz i've been saving since january. ^__^;; and add the money i got last christmas. w00t~ i told yah i got a long patience. ^__^ after changing somethings regarding my RO account, we set off.

when we got there, the first thing we did is to look at the sked of the moviehouse. yeah, watched another movie! w00t~ XD this time, it's exorcist: the beginning. i was really disappointed at resident evil so i didn't recommend it to my cousin. and when i said it's not something to be gagah with, she believes me. we got the same taste when it comes to movies. ^__^ then went food trip! buy here, buy there. eat here, eat there. i wouldn't be surprise if i gain weight again. -_-; i finally found an identical bracelet for me and my lil sis. XD hope she like it! ^__^ after some strolling, window shopping and eating, we went to see the movie. ^__^

it's not bad, but it's not that good. although it's somewhat gory and the effects gives me creeps and made me shiver a lot. -_-; i shouted twice or thrice because of the very loud effect that surprised me. -_-; this is the result of being a caffeine dependant. i should lessen my caffeine. but i love it! XD i can't live without coffee in my system! XD

after the movie, bought somethings, like some pocketbooks and bookmarks. after that, ate something and did our last batch of shopping; anime goodies! XD finally! i stopped buying those laminated cards due to short of funds and i got to save. it's my collection. o_o i bought 7 pieces of it and i saw this naruto card featuring kakashi and iruka. reminds me of dark sephy-chan. ^__^ also saw some dragonball cards and it reminds me of raijin-sama again. T.T i miss him so much! T.T

anywayz, we both forgot to bring wristwatch so we didn't know what time it is. -_-; we thought it's just 6 or 7 pm. when we got here, we were shocked to see that it's already 9 pm. o_O my goodness. watched tv and then when my mom's finished, we watched those dvds that i bought. watched scary movie and jackass. lolz. i really laugh hard on that. XD the bad thing is i can't call raijin-sama 'coz the phone brokedown for the nth time. -_-;

and lately...i've develop a crush on itachi. -_-; i don't know...of all the character. -_-; i used to like naruto. but...it's like when there's this time that i was about to comment on someone's myO and saw someone using an itachi avi, i got this urge to stare on his eyes sometime. then there's something in his eyes that i can't explain. suddenly, i like him better than naruto. -_-; i saw his pictures but don't pay attention on them. -_-; now i'm beginning to get interested in naruto. o_O;;

ack. long post. -_-; gomen minna! hope you're not bored with my long post. *hugz*

oh yeah, thanks to shanny-chan and ryu-chan for the wonderful greetings! ^__^ it's just ok if ur late. it is better to be late than never. ^__^ my deepest gratitude to all those who greeted me!!! *hugz*

yikez! it gotten too long. -_-; i'll be visiting sites now. o_o

ja ne~

me loves raijin-sama! ^__^

EDIT: sorry people...something came up and it seems i can't visit all your sites. i'll just make up for it. i just visited 3 sites. something happened and i just need to rest. again...sorry. i'll just visit tomorrow...suddenly, i don't feel very well...but don't worry, i'll be fine by tomorrow...*smiles bitterly*

this is to those who greeted me and those who'll just be greeting me. my advance thank you. ^__^
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Saturday, October 2, 2004

   my goodness. ~_~

i'm somewhat irritated to my mom. <_< she told me we'll be going to mass and that we'll be going by afternoon. so i cancelled my appointment with raijin-sama. we're suppose to go visit a friend's place, gonna burn some manga scans. o_o to kill my time, i went to my cousin's house, just visiting them. my mom told me we'll be going by 3 pm. when i got home, she told me we got problem. my grandmother and cousin (mother side) will be going here from the province. so she said, we should wait for them 'coz nobody's home. o_o my aunt went out. -_-; then, after sometime, i got tired of waiting and slept. >.> then i was awaken by their noises. -_-; and it's already 8 pm. so the plan was cancelled. agh. <.<

anywayz, i'm happy that my cousin is here. she's very dear to me and she knows me in or out. ^__^ we've been together since childhood and we grew up at the same time, although not together 'coz she's in the province. o_o she knows all of my secrets and my stupidities. ^__^;; usual chit-chat and bonding. ^__^

sorry raijin-sama if i didn't make it. ;.;

tomorrow will be something good. i'll be going out with my bestfriends and i'm going to treat them. ^__^ hope it'll be a fun fun day. XD

and again, thanks to those belated greeters. ^__^ i really really appreciate it!!! *hugz*

i'll try to visit all the site. hope i make it. ^__^;;

ja ne~

me loves raijin-sama! ^__^

i really like this pic. ^__^ rena's cute and so does claude. ^__^
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Friday, October 1, 2004

   ack.

honestly, i can't think of a title. -_-; just dropping a post. there's nothing much to talk about 'coz i didn't do anything except for running a lot of errand for my mom. o_o paid all her bills and stuff. -_-; i was suppose to go to raijin-sama's place but i overslept. -_-;

ok. many might wonder why i'm not talking about school. well, i'm not going to school. i stopped just a day after the opening. i'm so bad, neh? and on top of that, my parents didn't know. well, i don't plan on telling it to them. so sue me for being a bad daughter. XD well, honestly, after i found out that my dad have mistresses (yeah, u heard it right; mistresses. o_o), i somewhat lost interest in everything they want me to do. yeah i know, it's for my own good, but i don't know why i can't just have the hang of it. -_-; anywayz, i'm just transferring school 'coz i don't like the school i'm in. o_o people are annoying, i just don't like the environment. <_< i just hope, with this, my life will be straighten. wish me luck. ^__^

ah. it's october. finally. another month and it'll be raijin-sama and i's anniversary. w00t~ it's been a year since the day we've been on. ^__^

mmm...thanks to those who greeted me. ^__^

here's the pic for maris-chan. i know she really loves gojyo. ehehehe. ^__^

ja ne~

me loves raijin-sama! ^__^

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Thursday, September 30, 2004

   dooms day.

What is the reason of my birth
Reason of my life question of man
What he is
What he wants

this is a line from True Blue, Tetsuwan Atom's (Astroboy) first opening theme. i love this song! i dunno. o_O;; but i think this is my LSS again. -_-; well, a lot wonder about why they exist, neh? a lot of us wonder why we're born in this cruel yet beautiful world, neh? ^__^

last september 29, as some of you know, is my birthday. ^__^ yeah, another year is added to my age. -_-; if you want, check out my vitals. ^__^ i'm now nine"teen" and next year, the word "teen" will be erase in my age. -_-; that's the reason i called my birthday my dooms day. so now you know what's that dooms day i'm talking about last time. ^__^ as i've said, i planned on doing a greeting for birthday. but i can't find a good pic for it. -_-; not yet. but i'll be looking for one. o_o i got a long patience and i am very persistent. XD

anywayz, about my birthday. it was fun and truely, something that can't be forgotten 'til the end of time. ^__^ to start off, i woke up earlier than expected. do my stuff and after an hour, pay some bills for my mom and i'm off to raijin-sama's place.

i was greeted by his sister and dad. he's not there yet, his sister told me he run an errand for his dad. o_o then after a few mins, he came back. then he handed me his gift! w00t~ ^__^ he said he'll be taking a bath again. then his father asked me to sing. o_o;; u know, videoke. -_-; i sang some song, celine dion's. o_o i am a celine dion fan. XD then his father told me i got a beautiful voice. ^__^; i'm so flattered. i dunno if that's true though. ^__^; i feel ashame and proud somehow. ^__^;

when we got in the mall, i told him i want to eat some crepe. ^__^ after eating some crepe, we went to the moviehouse to see their schedule. we went for Resident Evil: Apocalypse. we got 2 hours to kill, so we decided to just drop by the arcade station. saw yoj twen, a friend of ours. raijin-sama and i played Victory Lap and Time Crisis. he beat me at the car racing but i beat him at the shooting game. ^__^ mwahaha. makes it truce between us, neh? ^__^ then after that, finally when to the moviehouse. but i was very very disappointed with RE. T__T a lot of thing contradicted with the game. T__T if you played it and watch the movie, u'll want to kill the producer and scriptwriters. >_<

after watching, bought blizzard from Dairy Queen and scroll a bit. ^__^ was looking for an identical bracelet. i want to give the other one to my lil sis. up to now, i haven't given her any gifts since the day we became close. my bad. ;.; after that, eat dinner and talked a little. ^__^ then we decided to drop by a friend's place. but first, we bought some munchkins from Dunkin Donuts for them. ^__^

they didn't expect us there so it's like a suprise to them. ^__^ after some chit-chatting, i played RO. err...i got too preoccupied with it that we forgot about the time. -_-; before we realized it, it's so late for us to go home. -_-; so we decided to just stay overnight.

4 am when we go home. but first, raijin-sama and i stopped by Mini-stop for some hotdogs. ^__^ then he walked me home.

wow! long post. definitely a new to me. ^__^

for this day, just dropped by my cousin's place and played RO. o_o i didn't go to raijin-sama's place because i got scolded for going home late. -_-; oh well... ^__^

oh yeah, i really love raijin-sama's gift to me. it's a book about angels. i really really am obsess with angels. ^__^ i love any creature with wings. 'coz i want to fly. ^__^; what a childish dream. ^__^;;

i also want to thank all my friends who remembered me!!! (although they all don't know my myO account o_o;)

and i'm somewhat annoyed at the anonymous tagger of ours (he also did that to raijin-sama's tagboard <_<). just look at it. when i fix the tagboard, i'll just delete it. o_o

anywayz, that's all. this got way too long. o_o; i have to crosspost it to my other blogs. o_o;; i'll try to make it to all the sites.

EDIT: thanks maris-chan for the PM. i'll post another gojyo pic here for yah. ^__~

ja ne~

me loves raijin-sama! ^__^

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Monday, September 27, 2004

   drained. -_-;

argh. i don't know if all of you know that i'm just a dial-up user. -_-; my mom doesn't want me to have dsl or cable. she told me it's expensive and that if that'll be the case, i might not sleep or go away from the computer anymore. XD well, the whole point is, i didn't post here last three days ago. and that is the reason; i got no account to use. -_-;

for this day, well, i felt like half of my energy is drained. x_X;; why? maybe because i still lack sleep. -_-; but compare to last time, i'm much better now. ^__^

went to raijin-sama's place. how i miss him! *mwahugz raijin-sama* XD i also wrote this err...mushy blahblah story for my cousin. i can't think of anything and my mind seems blank. -_-; it's his assignment and he asked me to help. it's just fine but the problem is, the setting should be in their school. -_-; i haven't been at his school, i just saw it from the outside. -_-;
but somehow, i manage to write something for him. -_-; although it's not that great and i feel like it's the worst story that i ever wrote. X_x;;

finally! i just finished the legend of zelda a while ago!!! w00t~ XD~~ and i just finished sailormoon another story yesterday. XD~~ although i lacked some things. -_-; now, all i have to finish is seiken densetsu 2! ^__^

waii~ i'm so happy!!! XD~~~ i finally have kuraki mai's key to my heart mp3!!! w00t~ it's tales of destiny 2's (the one played in ps2.) OST. i really love it's beat! XD and i also love the meaning of the song. *__* i missed this song. T__T i've been looking for this for almost a year. T__T i got mp3 of this but my old pc got virus and it was needed to be reformat. and back then, i didn't have cd writer for back ups. T__T so when my pc got fixed, i got difficulties looking for it over the net. -_-; the old site where i got it was already down. T__T and now, i got it again!!!! waaaaiiiiiiiiiiii~ *dances around*

mmm...i'm planning on making another greetings. XD since it's 1 day (it's already 28 here in the philippines.) before my doom's day (yeah yeah. i know it's bad to say that when it's your...nvm. but i usually hate this occasion. -_-;), i'll make a greeting for that occasion. clueless about what i'm saying? just read my vitals, neh? ^_~ i don't mention about my doom's day not unless it's that day already. o_o;

err...i know, this post is somewhat confusing. -_-; sorry people. my brain's not functioning well, i guess. -_-; i'll try to visit all your site. hope i make it. o_o;

oh yeah, BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANNY-CHAN!!!! ^__^ and WELCOME BACK RECCA-KUN!!!

P.S. thank you to those who showed their concerns for me last time. i really appreciate it guys! *hugz minna*

ja ne~

me loves raijin-sama! ^__^

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Friday, September 24, 2004

   headache.
my head hurts. -_-; i don't know why. x_x; maybe because i lacked sleep for 1 week. x_X; i just have 5 or 4 hours of sleep. -_-; i need to make up for it this weekend. >_<

anywayz, nothing much happened this day. today is my last day of tutoring! w00t~ i can finally go to raijin-sama's place!!! got to make up for the lost time. o_o; my bestfriend also called me 'coz he invited me to his brother's bday party. i know his brother and my bestfriend want some company; he don't know any of his brother's friend so he don't want to feel out of place. it was fun. lots of food. yum! XD

oh yeah, i'm now a member of THAT!!! w00t~ thanks shanny-chan. as you can see, i got a banner already. ^__^

and i also changed my tagboard. chatterbox eats a lot of character space so i changed it to shoutbox. i'll just edit it later 'coz i'm running out of time. -_-; so sorry if i can't make it to all of your sites.

ja ne~

me loves raijin-sama! ^__^

this one's for all those who loves yugi! XD~~ yugi reminds me of raijin-sama. T__T
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Thursday, September 23, 2004

   long nails. ¬_¬
due to my hectic and busy days, i can't have the time to cut my nails. -_-; and it sure bugs me a lot. -_-; i'm so not use to it because i just wound myself. -_-; why does it keeps on growing anywayz. <_<

mmm...nothing much happened except that those kids didn't show up this afternoon. >_< i have to go there tomorrow again. -_-; i was suppose to go to raijin-sama's place. i miss him so much!!! i really want to choke those pest!!! ~__~

yesterday was also annoying! i was about to load my account in RO when there was a fucking advisory. -_-; and i waited and waited until my time is up and we got to go home. -_-; btw, i was at my cousin-in-law's aunt's computer shop. she called them to pick up somethings for the baby. my cousin can't carry loads because of the wound she have. o_o

also, i edited a pic. this one's for maris-chan! hope you all like it! ^__^V any comments are welcome to my gb or pm or just simply write in my comment. ^__^ arigatou.

oh yeah. WELCOME BACK DARK SEPHY-CHAN!!! ^__^ hope you see the pic i posted last 21st. *points down* ^__^

that's it for now. i'll try to visit all of your sites! hope i make it. x_x;;

P.S. thanks to those who commented on my last post. if only i could see that stupid guy, i want to beat some sense or brain out of him. >_> no one messed with fuujin-sama that gets away with it. <_<

ja ne~

me loves raijin-sama! ^__^

thanks to raijin-sama for the comment earlier. ^__^ i know, maris-chan will love the pic. i dunno about the edit though. o_o;
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Tuesday, September 21, 2004

   it got approved!!! ^_______^

this is pretty annoying. <_< i got to re-type everything again. -_-;

w00t~ the greeting i submitted got approved!!! ^___^ wiiiii~ *dances around* me ish so so so so so happeh!!!! ^___^ honestly, i didn't expect it to be accepted because it's not that good. it's just plain and simple. o_o;; comment? suggestion? advice? criticism? they're all welcome! ^__^ (do they flame this kind of things?) o_O??

anywayz, sorry if i didn't post last time. i'm so sleepy due to lack of sleep. -_-; i can't sleep a lot nowadays. my cousin asked me to help her because as i've said, she just gave birth. for a living, she's tutoring students. due to the temporary side effect of anesthesia, she's somewhat forgetful now. but that'll just be for a while. so she asked me if i can substitute to her. ok, i said i like kids, but i like the innocent little ones. i hate those who're not innocent anymore. -_-; her students are so lazy! ¬_¬ they're so annoying i want to choke them. -_-; bleh. i'm so mean. >_> my cousin said, i'm just so nice and kind to them. when she's the one teaching, they're all scared. <_< i dunno. -_-; i just don't like it when kids got scared of me. i feel bad. o_o

oh, i got something to rant here. >_< have you experienced being played on? what i mean is, someone is toying with you? like saying some things that are different from what he said to others? ok, i met someone, this guy, who make friends with me. i'm that kind of person, friendly. although i said i wouldn't be that nice anymore, but still, that's the way i am. -_-; he befriended me, text me and call me sometimes. then, he got this friend, actually a kid, who always pester me here. keep on calling and calling and eventually i got irritated because he kept on asking a lot of question when i'm not here and my mom hates it. -_-; so i got scolded and it really irritates me. >_> so this stupid kid told me, the guy have a crush on me. i didn't take it seriously because i don't believe in rumors. o_o i'll believe it if he actually told me that. so, when i got the chance to talk to him, i told him what the kid told me. and instead of denying it, he admitted it. he said things like, if raijin-sama and me broke up, he'll just be there and he can be raijin-sama's replacement, blahblahblah. <_< he's making me believe he's persistent, whatsoever. ~__~ annoying, neh? then, last time, i talked to another friend of his, let's call him guy 2. he keeps on asking me to join their guild (groups in RO). i told him i don't want to, because the guy is hitting on me. then he told me it was just a joke, that the kid's just making those things. ok, it's granted that it was a make-up story. but why the hell did the guy admit it when i confronted him? i thought, they're making fun of me and all the while i'm so nice to them. -_-; i didn't do anything bad to them. when they asked me to go with them (in RO), i go with them. but why this? because i didn't join their guild and i chose to join my bestfriend's? can't they understand that it's my bestfriend's. BESTFRIEND. ¬_¬ oh well...hope karma wouldn't come their ways. ¬_¬

agh. sorry for the rant. -_-; i'll visit sites now. hope i finish my rounds. o_o;

btw, i changed the quiz results. ^__^

ja ne~

me loves raijin-sama! ^__^

i know dark sephiroth-chan will love this one too! ^__^ and those final fantasy vii fans! XD~~~
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