Saturday, September 10, 2005

Few Music Jokes to Entertain You! I was lookin for some music on the net today when I cam across this little site that had a few music jokes on it and I thought I would share a few. Now those of you who are flute players (me included) and those of you who have to put up with flute players will know exactly what these first few jokes are talking about Q: How do you get two flute players to play in unison A: Shoot one. Q: Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories? A: To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes. Q: What is perfect pitch on a flute? A: When it misses the rim of the toilet as you throw it in. and this is a little statement that I found to be ....MOSTLY true.. Flute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Heres a few for those clarinet..haters/players out there (me included in this also.) Q: How do you get a clarinetist out of a tree? A: Cut the noose. Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion? A: No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And a few for those French Horn and Mellophone players Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb? A: 100, one to change it, and a 99 others to say how much better they could have done it Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like the french horn section? A: Have them miss every other note. Q: Why is the French horn a divine instrument? A: Because a man blows in it, but God only knows what comes out of it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LOL and a few for those lovely drummers. ^_^ Q: Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car? A: He had to break a window to get the drummer out! Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine? A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once. and a little statement.... Drummers have a brain . . . they just all share it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LOL and a little trumpet love too. I once knew a trumpet player that triped over a cordless phone. (whats sad is that most of the section at school has probably done this) LOL I love this one! Its SO true! Q: What did little Johnny's mother tell him when he said "I want to be a trumpet player when I grow up?" A: "But Johnny, you can't do both." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LOL can't forget those Trombonists Q: How can you tell that a kid on a playground is a trombonist's kid? A: He can't swing and he complains about the slide. Q: How many trombone players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but he'll spend half an hour trying to figure out what position he needs to be in. Q: How do you save a trombonist from drowning? A: Take your foot off their head. ( LOL how mean!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now here are some You Know You've Been In Band Too Long When... 1)When an "armed guard" means a girl with a flag, not a guy with a gun. 2)When you hear music and start marking time. 3)When you walk in step with the person in front of you. ( LOL don't we all? ^_^;) 4)When you try to guess the tempo of your favorite song. 5)When you point out key changes and dynamics while listening to the radio.( LOL I'm guilty -_-) 6)When you like wearing your uniform ( WAY guilty) 7)When people ask about your social life and you respond: "Oh, you mean marching band?" (P_P) 8)When being mauled by a drummer is an everyday part of life (LOL) 9)When band camp is FUN (DUDE! IT IS!) 10)When your instrument has a name. ( sigh....poor betty..) 11)When everyone wants to kill the other football team.... and you want to kill the other band. ( SO FREAKIN TRUE!! GRRR) 12)When making a line is your biggest accomplishment of the day. ( LOL too true) 13)When you can put your uniform on in less than 10 minutes. ( seriously...its not that hard!) 14)When you roll step through the cafeteria so you won't spill your lunch. ( LOL I've done it!) 15)When you subconsciously start humming your music. (ITS A CURSE I TELL YOU!) 16)When you know not only your part, but everyone else's too( Nod nod...its REALLY bad when you can play it better than them on YOUR instrument) 17)When wide open spaces stir up an urge to march your show ( LOL happened before!) 18)When drummers actually start to make sense. ( LOL THIS IS REALLY SCARY!) 19)When half the stuff in your room has the word "band" on it (P_P) 20)When you know "Louie, Louie" and have a personal grudge against him. (>_> dude...he should die!) 21)When you and all your friends are easily tagged as "band" when walking down the hall because you are all in a straight line and all in step. ( ::rolls on floor:: dude! I can't even count the times!) 22)When you get emotional thinking about your instrument being in the repair shop (LOL this ones deffinately not me! Tubas are heavy when marching!) 23)When you have learned how to wear more than six pairs of pants under your uniform and still not have any wrinkles (>_> BENA!!!) 24) Someone says "block" and you immediately drop whatever you are doing and go running off somewhere ( ROFLMAO!!!!! TOO TRUE!) 25)You feel homicidal towards a freshman who says, "Oh, goodie! Another parade!" (>_> dude...unforgivable!) 26)You have a neckstrap/drum harness tan line. (And don’t consider it strange.) 27)You subconsciously start practicing fingerings on a pencil.(LOL guilty) 28)You sing drum cadences while walking to class. And you are not a drummer. ( ::raises hand:: STILL DO IT!) 29)Your pants fall off and you keep going like nothing happened. ( LOL DANIEL!!!) 30)You’ve had a trombone-related head injury. (LOL!!!) 31)The worst torture implements you can think of are trumpets and piccolos. ( SERIOUSLY!!!) 32)You regard tuba players as a separate species. ( ^____^ We are indeed!!) 33)You can guide off reflections in your bell. ( LOL I got pretty good at that!) 34) You start coming up with new words to fight songs, both your own and other people’s. ( CLASSIC!!) 35)You give a drummer four steps of clearance even when he’s not carrying his drum. (LOL IMPERITIVE!) Well thats about all I got for ya! Thought I would post something silly and unrelated to anything! Sorry if you NON band people are slightly confused and disgusted by this post! Post ya later! Ganymede

>

Comments (5)