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Thursday, February 16, 2006
More fun with New Rules
New Rule: If your people are so desperate mannequins make them horny, there's something wrong with your religion. Police in Iran confiscated 65 mannequins for being too sexy. Guys, I'm sorry, but it's the mannequins that are supposed to have the sticks up their asses. In the free West, we don't have impure thoughts about inert hunks of tit-shaped plastic. We have Britney Spears. That got them. That was too outrageous.
New Rule: Condoms are not sex toys. Trojan has released a new line of condoms that vibrate and heat up. Look, condoms keep people from getting AIDS and the clap. Haven't they done enough? You want to improve condoms? Invent a wrapper guys can open before they lose their hard-on.
New Rule: President Bush's new Supreme Court nominee, Samuel Alito, must bomb an abortion clinic. I know it sounds crazy, but the right wing needs assurance that they've really got their holy man this time. We can't let the swing vote on the Supreme Court just wind up in the hands of some level-headed legal pussy.
Is Sam Alito a decent man with Christian values? Well, until he kills a nurse with a pipe bomb, there's no way to be sure. Because there is nothing you can say to a real conservative to convince him abortion should ever be acceptable other than, "Your daughter is pregnant and the father is black."
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